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Original poster

Should I ask MIL for daughters money?

142 replies

letmeeatcakes · 05/05/2021 10:32

When my daughter was born my MIL set up a savings account for her. My daughter’s have never received birthday/Christmas cards or pressies from their grandmother I’ve just assumed she’s put money into the account. My daughter has turned 18 and I would like her to know about this account. My MIL and I have never got along and don’t have a respectful relationship. She is now in her 90’s and recovering from surgery. Partner as usual is sticking his head in the sand and won’t address this with his Mother. My daughter is also now required to file a tax return form and give information on all savings and investments (we live in Europe) so she really should have this information. What should I do to sort this matter out bearing in mind we are not on communication terms. I also have a second daughter just turned 16 and need to know whether a similar account was opened for her.

OP posts:
DastardlytheFriendlyMutt · 05/05/2021 13:44

Very weird to expect money after being NC for so long. It's like you expect MIL to be saving in earnest for your DDs because all grandchildren should be treated equally while you have cut her off and had no contact for years. She would be a glutton for punishment if she did. You can't have it both ways. How is she not good enough to talk to, but her money is good enough to spend?

Meowchickameowmeow · 05/05/2021 13:54

Never assume other people are going to give you money. How grabby can you be?

Chewbecca · 05/05/2021 13:55

I think you are better to assume there is nothing. If something materialises at a later date - it’s a bonus.

Your DD tax return is accurate to her knowledge.

Leave it alone.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
UpTheJunktion · 05/05/2021 14:05

Your partner needs to deal with this, if it is to be dealt with.

Is he in touch with his Mum? Are your Dds?

He could say he knew that she generously set up an account for her granddaughter when she was born, which would now be transferred as she is of age, and ask what his Mum would like to do - all very low key and not pressurising.

But if she didn't send cards, I doubt she was making birthday contributions.

And if you are all not in contact, then I think you have to leave it til she dies. If the accounts were in the children's names, the executor will distribute the money to them / pass on the accounts.

itsfictionstupid · 05/05/2021 14:05

Your DD tax return is accurate to her knowledge

It isn't accurate if her parents were told there was an account opened for her and nobody has asked the person who opened it whether it still exists. It would be accurate if they took reasonable steps to find out, by contacting the MIL and asking her about it.

TwoStepsAhead34 · 05/05/2021 14:13

Ofcourse you should!
I'm from European country and you can get into heap of 5hit if you don't declare the savings etc.
Tax office don't care if you know or don't know, they can see it from their system (who has how much saved in which bank) - at least this is how it is in my country. And if you don't declare it, there's serious consequences. Tax office don't care who pays into the account, they see its there and needs to be declared.
Your partner needs to pull his fingers out and ask as it will backfire badly on your daughters financial record if he doesn't.

ittakes2 · 05/05/2021 14:13

Just because she has opened an account does not mean she has been putting money into it all these years - especially as it sounds you don't have very good communication with her.

Fairyliz · 05/05/2021 14:15

@Chewbecca

I think you are better to assume there is nothing. If something materialises at a later date - it’s a bonus.

Your DD tax return is accurate to her knowledge.

Leave it alone.

I don’t think saying a tax return is correct to the best of my knowledge will wash with the tax inspector in the U.K. or any country. If you don’t declare income they will come after you for the tax owed and with a fine attached.
Teabaghag · 05/05/2021 14:25

Hang on, so based on your first post the only time this was mentioned was when DD was very little, and you're only assuming that she has put money in every birthday and Christmas.

As you're NC there could only be £100 in it from when DD was young. If DD doesn't have a relationship with GM and you're NC then I doubt she's continued to put money in it for 18 years.

amusedbush · 05/05/2021 14:25

When I was 19, I accidentally found out about a savings account opened by my granny for my 21st birthday. My granny found out that I knew about it and the money never materialised. Obviously I can never ask about it because it's her money and she owes me nothing but it seemed pretty spiteful.

However, if your DD is facing a fine I think you need to ask about it just from a practical standpoint. Make it clear you're not asking for access, just confirmation that it exists in her name.

C8H10N4O2 · 05/05/2021 14:26

@YoniAndGuy

No, I don't agree with the majority here.

If the account was put in the DD's name and OP had to sign a form, then it is their financial business.

The problem here is, as usual, a pathetic partner unable to act like his primary family is his main responsibility.

TELL him to contact his mother with a very unemotional enquiry - DD is now required to fill out a tax form. Could Mother let them know whether the account that was once set up in her name contains any money, as she would be legally required to declare it. Sorry to bother you etc. Simple. I take it he's on different terms with his mother than you are? These types usually are - they manage to sit on the fence rather than have their partners' backs.

However if the acct IS in her name then it may be possible to find it - do you have any indication of what bank/buidling society it was with?

It's your business if your signature was required etc.

Yes this.

If your tax regime requires it to be reported then your partner needs to simply ask her for details of the account to register in the tax return.

Is there an option to leave details of the trustee of an account you can't access? This can't be a unique situation for the tax office.

Ayla182 · 05/05/2021 14:27

@letmeeatcakes

I’m sure the account was put in my daughters name as I (vaguely) remember having to sign a form as the mother. My daughter has reached the age where she wants to continue her education, driving lessons.... and anything however small would really help her at the moment. IF this account was for her birthday and Christmas ‘gifts’ then surely it is hers. I do feel uncomfortable about the situation but if other grandchildren have benefitted? I do appreciate all comments to help me put the situation into perspective. Especially the comment about my second daughter and the problems if no account was set up for her, I just assumed all grandchildren would be treated equally
No, it isn't hers. Your MIL doesn't have to get your children gifts for birthdays or Christmas.
muffindays · 05/05/2021 14:31

Can't you do an online credit search for her, e.g. on Experian or similar? They can give you information about accounts etc if one has been opened, I believe so anyway.

EasterIssland · 05/05/2021 14:35

ive not read all the pages, but as someone that has paid a fine to hmrc in the uk for having money abroad in savings , then sending it to the uk and not declaring it, I'd say that you need to speak with her. not so much for getting the money back but for declaring it as otherwise she'll be penalised.
money in kids accounts are normally tax free and dont have to be declared but not when they're not anymore, so I think you have to speak with her in order to protect your daughter

EasterIssland · 05/05/2021 14:40

@Chewbecca

I think you are better to assume there is nothing. If something materialises at a later date - it’s a bonus.

Your DD tax return is accurate to her knowledge.

Leave it alone.

As others say , the tax officer won't care, you have money abroad which you've not declared. you should be aware of what is on your name. the stress I went through last year going through with hmco , displaying my earnings/savings in the last 5 years with the help a financial advisor (which of course I had to pay out of my pocket) and paying the fine is not something I wished to anyone if it can be avoided .
Heleavesreviews · 05/05/2021 14:42

Children's accounts for a named child are trusts. The trust matures when the child comes of age. At that point the money belongs to the beneficiary absolutely (the former child).

If you have moved house since MIL set up the account, would bank even be able to contact DD?

If it was a trust then MIL can't have the money either, it's no good to her.

I would ask/have DH ask

LondonStone · 05/05/2021 14:45

If you daughter does genuinely need the information then you are not unreasonable to ask but I’d make the enquiry about the account in general rather than the money that could potentially be in it.

Say you need the account info and she’ll either use the account going forward or she will close it, either way she needs to know about accounts held in her name.

FunTimes2020 · 05/05/2021 14:48

Your partner needs to get a grip and ask his mother!

Shedbuilder · 05/05/2021 14:48

No time to read all through this thread but this site will search through all major British banks and National Savings and find the account for your daughter. Your daughter will need to do it:

www.mylostaccount.org.uk

HardyPlants · 05/05/2021 14:56

Did granny open an account? - Possibly
Did she put any money in it - Highly unlikely.

Blueroses99 · 05/05/2021 14:58

@Melitza

Well if its France you definitely need to know because it's a €1500 fine for every undeclared bank account and thats for every year up to 5 years! Even if the account only has €1 in it.
Everyone is responding from a very UK-centric perspective even when we know this is in another country, which has different laws! I wouldn’t want my child to risk a fine (which may be greater than the amount held in the account itself).

You have to ask about the account, not the money. You need to know whether an account was opened in DDs name so she can file her tax return accordingly.

lanthanum · 05/05/2021 14:59

Was it originally a child trust fund? I think for your daughter's age-group, you would have had a voucher towards starting off a child trust fund, but in many cases grandparents then paid into the CTF. That might explain you signing paperwork. When CTFs were abandoned, some were converted to Junior ISAs. Those are not taxable, but it would be in your daughter's name and she should have access now at 18. If it was a CTF, then you may be able to locate it: www.gov.uk/child-trust-funds/find-a-child-trust-fund

www.moneysavingexpert.com/reclaim/reclaim-lost-assets-free/ may help locate a bank account in your child's name.

If it's not in your child's name, there's not much you can do - she hasn't actually given the money to your daughter yet, just saved it so she can! That's where DP might need to have a tactful conversation with her.

itsfictionstupid · 05/05/2021 15:09

No, it isn't hers. Your MIL doesn't have to get your children gifts for birthdays or Christmas

Surely this is missing the point. Of course it's nobody's right to have money from grandparents or for all grandchildren to be treated equally, but if someone opens an account in a child's name, that money belongs to the child and can't be taken back if the person later falls out with the parents. The question is whether or not the account was opened in the child's name, which is possible to find out, by asking the MIL or using mylostaccount.org.uk

flashylamp · 05/05/2021 15:16

Everyone is responding from a very UK-centric perspective even when we know this is in another country, which has different laws!

Actually, OP said they are in Europe. The UK is in Europe.

Blueroses99 · 05/05/2021 15:29

@flashylamp

Everyone is responding from a very UK-centric perspective even when we know this is in another country, which has different laws!

Actually, OP said they are in Europe. The UK is in Europe.

Fair point but I think it’s safe to assume from the OP’s wording that she is outside UK because someone in the UK would not, on a UK website, say that they live in Europe. Also because an unknown bank account wouldn’t really matter on a UK tax return.