Isn’t sex over rated ?

[SadFlower98]

Sure it’s lovely in the beginning of a relationship

But other times it’s just a bit meh

Anyone else agree ?

Boring or bad sex with a boring or bad partner, yes, that's 'meh'.

Sex itself? No. One of the top ten most exciting things you can do with no knickers on.

One of the few times the saying 'you get out of it what you put in' comes into play on multi levels .

(Change your mindset and things may improve ! )

I can take it or leave it! I enjoy sex with my DH but I enjoy cuddling him, talking to him and just being with him just as much.

I don't think either of us has a massive sex drive; I never have.

Some people can't understand why everyone isn't just like them!

‘One of the top ten most exciting things you can do with no knickers on.’ I’ve got to ask.....what are the other 9 .

I’m with you on this OP.

Wonder if people are confusing "overrated" with "not enjoyable". I see posters falling over themselves in defence of sex or their enjoyment of it, as usual on these types of threads.

Many people enjoy sex...really enjoy it and can't live without it but that doesn't mean sex isn't overrated - shoved down people's throats and talked about like it's the be-all and end-all for everyone and if you don't like it, you MUST BE doing it wrong or with the wrong partner because EVERYONE and their dog should like sex. No, some people just don't like it (as much). That's okay too.

Same as alcohol - still very much enjoyed by many but overrated. If you don't drink, you must be 'alcoholing' wrong and you're boring. Everyone knows you can't have (as much) fun without alcohol, surely.

Interestingly, not the same with food because WE ALL know what happens and what it means when you love food, defend your enjoyment of it and say you can't have enough of it, right? Right?

Spot on NuancelsUselessHereSoPhuckit!!

It's the same with everything on MN. Some of the posters on here can't cope with people having different feelings or viewpoints. It's totally beyond their comprehension so they have to be offensive about it to make themselves feel better 😅

Totally! @Jeranium

People have different sex drives but it's wrong to assume it's over rated just because you don't like it. I would have thought the vast majority of people do enjoy sex and orgasms.

Absolutely not.

DH went off sex late in my pregnancy and we have a Velcro, co-sleeping baby, so our sex life has taken a real hit. DS is nearly 6 months and over the past week I've been transitioning him into his cot, so I'm really looking forward to feeling more connected.

I bloody loved it until it all started to seem too much bother.

It's one of those things where the more you do it, the more you want to do it. Now I've not done it for ages, it's hard to think of something I'd want to do less. Even a visit the dentist would be less effort for more result.

This is surely down to my age though - post menopausal, so there's no evolutionary reason I'd need to be having sex.

I used to feel like this but then I found a partner who made me realise that I actually had just been having crap sex all my life

This

I think it's partly because humans aren't designed to stay monogamous, it makes it difficult to keep things fresh and exciting. But also I think everyone is different and everyone has different levels of sexual desire.

@Sarahtrue11

I also think that women were told by men that sex was a very casual thing to do, when actually it is a very, very serious thing, who you let enter your body.

I remember reading this paragraph in a spiritual book, it was saying that women used to know how important sex is, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, as well as physically, but in recent times they have forgotten.

The paragraph said "If women knew the amount of energy that was exchanged during sex, they would be very, very careful about who they have sex with"

So for example you should be very choosy not to have sex with some one who has any abusive traits, does drugs, is not taking care of himself, because we will take a lot of energy from that man, if we have sex with them.

"If women knew the amount of energy that was exchanged during sex, they would be very, very careful about who they have sex with"

Absolute nonsense. What specific 'energy' is being exchanged? I suppose you could say you were exchanging heat energy. But I'm not going to take on the traits of someone else by having sex with them and it's absolute bollocks to say you do.

And:

how important sex is, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, as well as physically, but in recent times they have forgotten.

Yes - for some people. Some people see sex as... like a good stretch. Physically enjoyable, no real giant meaning attached. It's just as damaging to women to peddle the line that women should guard their precious feminine vagina energy lest their delicate lady souls and hearts get hurt - that's basically feeding back into purity culture and that women who have sex are in some way damaged by the experience.

@OhWhyNot

Branleuse because everyone is different

A number of posters have claimed it’s because partner isn’t thoughtful or that it can get better over time that is their experience

For myself after a few years it’s irrelevant how great the sex is or how I feel about that person I just get bored and would like sex with someone else

I don’t think I am unusual to be this way (men are just more open about it) and neither is only wanting sex with the partner you have been with for many years and still finding it exciting

For myself having to spice up my sex life and needing to work at it in this way is an absolute turn off

And great sex for myself isn’t necessarily with someone I’m in love with

We are all different

Yeah, some people really get off on the novelty pf new partners and are destined to keep searching for that, and others find familiarity and really knowing somebody quite sexy in itself. Its not necessarily about whether someone is ' doing it right' or technically skilled at it. I dont think there was anything I could have done to keep my ex husband interested in me after the first few years, and yet with my partner of 15 years+ now we are still really flirty and interested in each other

I cant be bothered anymore. Love DH very much but i dont want sex. Daniel Craig could wave his cock in my face and id rather have a cup of tea.

I adore my DP, but if his knob dropped off tomorrow I'd do a happy dance 😂

It was great for the first few years - but now, yawn.

@therocinante

"Absolute nonsense. What specific 'energy' is being exchanged? I suppose you could say you were exchanging heat energy. But I'm not going to take on the traits of someone else by having sex with them and it's absolute bollocks to say you do."

The current western medical system talks about the human body as if it is just a physical thing.

However, many ancient cultures talked about energy centres within the body. This is still being taught today, and I read books about this.

So, in my belief, sex is not simply : the penis being inserted into the vagina, it is the energy from the man being inserted into the woman.

So what the man eats, whether he does drugs, whether he has any sickness, if he is nasty, cruel, watches bad porn, all of those energies come into the woman's body.

There are a lots of videos on youtube about how to do a womb cleanse, because in my and many other's beliefs, we take in a lot of energy from our sexual parnters, and it is important to mediate and cleanse yourself, of any lingering negative energies.

I think it makes so much sense. I used to be really motivated, I had a boyfriend who was pretty lazy. After I was with him, I left my very good job, and I became lazy and un motivated. My life has not been as successful since. I just became so un motivated and lazy after I had sex with him.

I believe that we do take in a lot of energy from men.

Here is a womb cleansing meditation on youtube for anyone that is interested.

[quote Sarahtrue11]**@therocinante

"Absolute nonsense. What specific 'energy' is being exchanged? I suppose you could say you were exchanging heat energy. But I'm not going to take on the traits of someone else by having sex with them and it's absolute bollocks to say you do."

The current western medical system talks about the human body as if it is just a physical thing.

However, many ancient cultures talked about energy centres within the body. This is still being taught today, and I read books about this.

So, in my belief, sex is not simply : the penis being inserted into the vagina, it is the energy from the man being inserted into the woman.

So what the man eats, whether he does drugs, whether he has any sickness, if he is nasty, cruel, watches bad porn, all of those energies come into the woman's body.

There are a lots of videos on youtube about how to do a womb cleanse, because in my and many other's beliefs, we take in a lot of energy from our sexual parnters, and it is important to mediate and cleanse yourself, of any lingering negative energies.

I think it makes so much sense. I used to be really motivated, I had a boyfriend who was pretty lazy. After I was with him, I left my very good job, and I became lazy and un motivated. My life has not been as successful since. I just became so un motivated and lazy after I had sex with him.

I believe that we do take in a lot of energy from men.[/quote]
Those would be the same ancient cultures where people died young and horribly from preventable, treatable or eradicated diseases under western medicine? Ancient cultures where maternal mortality in childbirth was terrifyingly high? As was infant mortality?

Sorry I completely agree with @therocinante

What on earth makes you think that you became lazy and unmotivated due to the 'energy' that your partner was transferring to you via his knob? This is just a lazy way for you to avoid the fact that you allowed yourself to be moulded into his form to make yourself more palatable to him. I long ago learnt not to make friends with people who embodied my worst traits. Be more self assured and set better boundaries would appear a better lesson than ' he had magic sperm.'

Some people see sex as... like a good stretch. Physically enjoyable, no real giant meaning attached. It's just as damaging to women to peddle the line that women should guard their precious feminine vagina energy lest their delicate lady souls and hearts get hurt - that's basically feeding back into purity culture and that women who have sex are in some way damaged by the experience

I also agree with this from @therocinante The real lesson from ancient culture here is that women's bodies and sexuality are policed from ancient cultures to modern cultures.

"Those would be the same ancient cultures where people died young and horribly from preventable, treatable or eradicated diseases under western medicine? Ancient cultures where maternal mortality in childbirth was terrifyingly high? As was infant mortality?

Sorry I completely agree with @therocinante

What on earth makes you think that you became lazy and unmotivated due to the 'energy' that your partner was transferring to you via his knob? This is just a lazy way for you to avoid the fact that you allowed yourself to be moulded into his form to make yourself more palatable to him. I long ago learnt not to make friends with people who embodied my worst traits. Be more self assured and set better boundaries would appear a better lesson than ' he had magic sperm.'"

Why on earth be so nasty about it? What on earth do you have to gain from that? I study a lot of reiki, ayurveda and tai chi. They all talk about energy centres in the body.

You believe what you want. I respect that.
Let other people believe what they want.How is it hurting you?

I'm breastfeeding and the thought of sex, particularly in my overtired state, makes me recoil. Sex with anyone, even if whatsisface from bridgerton said o made him burn I'd just ask him to use it to boil me a cuppa

Because you are encouraging women to believe that they can be polluted by having sex with men. This is an ancient misogynistic belief. Its offensive. Its not neutral or without harm. It is particularly damaging to women who have suffered sexually abuse. I am on a facebook site where these views are pedalled and I see regularly the harm and exacerbation of trauma they cause. I do strongly object to these ancient sexist ideas being repackaged for modern audiences.

Just because you study something it doesn't mean it is grounded in any evidence. People study many things, christianity/ islam/ judaism/ hinduism/ primal religions/ alternative medicines/ ancient beliefs and so on, and for many years/ lifetimes. This doesn't mean they are true. Many of these beliefs are explicitly exclusive of each other. They cannot all be true no matter how ancient they are.

If you do not want to have your beliefs challenged they do not express them outside of your reaffirming circles. Certainly do not post them on a site well known for people feeling free to express their views robustly. However I would encourage you to welcome your views being robustly challenged. We all benefit from this, individually and as a society.

I think it's a bit offensive to assume women who aren't that into sex must have bad sex. I guess it would be easy to think that if you've had crap sex then meet someone good. But that's not the case for me.

For me sex is good, I love the connection, DH always makes me orgasm at least once but usually twice or more. He's attractive. He knows what I like and vice versa. I feel good afterwards. I still just find it really hard to maintain any level of sex drive. I don't want to be that physically close very often to be honest. I think some of it is tied up in how you feel about yourself. A lot of women get their value mostly from looking good, which must be hell as you age, but hopefully helps you feel sexy. If you don't feel sexy it's hard to feel aroused.

I also agree orgasms aren't really that special. It feels great and when I'm close I'm looking forward to getting there but it's just an intense, brief physical sensation. I don't get the huge thing about it. In fact I find it a bit pathetic that people get so obsessive about something that's very pleasant but then over and doesn't mean anything.

Sex means much more to DH and I just don't quite get it. There's a third thing outside of connection and physical sensation that doesn't register for me.

I didn't have a good introduction to sex for several reasons (not abused or raped though) as a young person and I think it's spoiled it for me. I wish it were different. But it's not a case of oh you must be with a shit partner.