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Original poster

Isn’t sex over rated ?

161 replies

SadFlower98 · 09/04/2021 10:55

Sure it’s lovely in the beginning of a relationship

But other times it’s just a bit meh

Anyone else agree ?

OP posts:
wireleaf · 09/04/2021 15:35

It's incredibly smug and patronising to comment that not wanting sex is because you have the wrong partner or you or your partner is doing it wrong. People saying that need to get a bit of empathy and understand that 'normal' doesn't mean 'the same as me.' Everyone's needs and drives are different, there are all kinds of normal in sex as in other aspects of life.

JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown · 09/04/2021 15:43

It depends completely on what your personal sex along who you are doing it with.
Sex is hugely important to me and I'd be very unhappy in the kind of relationship where it fizzled out. Other people aren't going to be that bothered, no matter the circumstances.
There's really no one size fits all answer here.

JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown · 09/04/2021 15:43

*personal sex drive, that was meant to be

YouJustDoYou · 09/04/2021 16:12

It's incredibly smug and patronising to comment that not wanting sex is because you have the wrong partner or you or your partner is doing it wrong. People saying that need to get a bit of empathy and understand that 'normal' doesn't mean 'the same as me.' Everyone's needs and drives are different, there are all kinds of normal in sex as in other aspects of life

This.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 16:15

I've had great sex. But I really CBA'd now.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 16:19

@TheVanguardSix

It is overrated when you sort of have to tell yourself it is. Not having a go at you OP or anyone. It's more about my own marriage which is void of it completely (DH has all sorts of supposed health-related issues- that's for another thread). I've learned to live without it but it's a silent heartache for me knowing that I will probably, very likely to be honest, never have sex again. I'm 49. It was such a wonderful aspect of being alive. It is so bloody life-affirming, sex is. It is soul food for a relationship! So, not having it at all... well I can't even write about it or I'll get all upset and I can't really go there. Anyway, it is overrated (is the lie I tell myself to get through life without it).
If it means that much to you, why stay in the relationship? I'm a year older and fine never having it again. I don't find it a wonderful aspect of being alive, life affirming or soul food. But we're all different and honestly, it's no way to go through life being so miserable because of sex.
Notagain20 · 09/04/2021 16:31

@JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown

It depends completely on what your personal sex along who you are doing it with. Sex is hugely important to me and I'd be very unhappy in the kind of relationship where it fizzled out. Other people aren't going to be that bothered, no matter the circumstances. There's really no one size fits all answer here.
Am I allowed to titter at "no one size fits all"?
jessstan2 · 09/04/2021 16:33

It is over rated when you are not into it.

When you are into it, it's a different matter altogether.

I think most people go through phases when it comes to sex.

queenofthenorthwest · 09/04/2021 16:44

I feel like it's overrated.

Can't work out of it's me (I think I am peri menopausal) or I just don't fancy my DAh anymore.

Lockdown has been really hard.

queenofthenorthwest · 09/04/2021 16:44

DH not dah.

Crinkle77 · 09/04/2021 16:44

@FizzyPink

I have a very low sex drive and whilst when we do have sex it’s very enjoyable, a lot of the time I’d rather just have a cuddle and go to sleep. I do often wonder if coming off the pill would make a difference but I have a friend who was exactly the same so she stopped taking it and she wasn’t any more interested in sex so perhaps not.

Luckily DP is exactly the same and generally too tired from work to notice that we don’t do it much

Coming off the pill made zero difference to me.
Sillyduckseverywhere · 09/04/2021 16:46

@ShutUpAlex

Only if you’re having crap sex.
This. Good sex is the key.
Happycat1212 · 09/04/2021 16:47

Morgan12

Not for me, the thought of having multiple sex partners makes me feel a bit sick tbh. No judgement to those that do, just imo.

Viviennemary · 09/04/2021 16:48

Its a young person's hobby.

Kimchidreams · 09/04/2021 16:49

Nope. It’s only meh if you’re having crap sex or aren’t attracted to your partner.

Ilovegoats · 09/04/2021 16:49

I enjoy it when I have it but could take it or leave it, I find the clean up after effort 😂 especially being all sticky after using lube

CirqueDeMorgue · 09/04/2021 16:51

Just over a week ago, I would have strongly disagreed but I've been poorly since then and my sex drive has completely fucked off. Just cba.

TheRealForReal · 09/04/2021 16:52

Ooh I love sex. Despite having 4 DC my sex drive has remained high. Sometimes I wish I could turn my libido off as all I can think about is sex 🤣

OhWhyNot · 09/04/2021 16:53

I don't think humans are meant to be monogamous tbh. Sex with one person over and over gets boring.

I agree. Irrelevant if it’s good sex for me (and I think for many) it gets a bit boring with the same person

Moonlight22 · 09/04/2021 16:56

Rather have a cuppa tea and a hobnob.

Sarahtrue11 · 09/04/2021 17:03

Monogamy is not natural. It was a way that was used to control women. And it didn't always exist.

Being with different people is natural

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 09/04/2021 17:04

I think with the right person and the right connection is far from over rated!
I was with ex dh for nearly 20 years, couldn't care less about sex, despite loving him very much and finding him attractive. We went for months, years without it and I think eventually it killed our relationship.

With dh it's so different, we've been together for 11 years now and I still want as much sex now as I did in the early days. We have such an amazing connection and he really cares about it being good for me every time and I think that's the key.
I'm not surprised women aren't interested, if the sex on offer is shit and all about a mans pleasure!!

TheVanguardSix · 09/04/2021 17:05

If it means that much to you, why stay in the relationship? I'm a year older and fine never having it again. I don't find it a wonderful aspect of being alive, life-affirming or soul food. But we're all different and honestly, it's no way to go through life being so miserable because of sex.

Because it's actually not THAT important to me to the point where I'd want to leave! I adore DH to his core! He's too important to me. Besides, I don't think the willing shaggers would be lining up for me, to be really, really honest. And actually, I'm in stage 2 heart failure. So, there's a reason for everything. Grin

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 09/04/2021 17:05

@Moonlight22

Rather have a cuppa tea and a hobnob.
That was me when I was with the wrong person!! Now I like sex, followed by tea and biscuits Grin
MrsPsmalls · 09/04/2021 17:08

'it's a silent heartache for me knowing that I will probably, very likely to be honest, never have sex again. I'm 49. It was such a wonderful aspect of being alive. It is so bloody life-affirming, sex is. It is soul food for a relationship! So, not having it at all... well I can't even write about it or I'll get all upset'
Absolutely none of this is true for me!! Just cant relate at all, although not denying your experience at all. I just cant be bothered with it. It is not life affirming in anyway (for me). Its somewhat boring, however good it is. There are scores of things I would rather do. It does not make feel connected to a person, I feel much more connected after a good chat. In most cases I would much rather do something intellectually challenging like reading/gaming/discussing.
I am also bloody good at it tho I say so myself. Orgasms achieved every time - God I cant imagine doing it ever, if I didn't even achieve that! DH really likes it which to be honest I struggle to understand!
Whilst its not terrible, and it has its place in a well rounded life. For me its in the same category as running. Whilst I can enjoy a good run and I am actually good at it, it is not something I ever particularly want to do!
And boo to all the patronising gits who think we are doing something wrong if we don't like it. Some people don't like chocolate for gods sake. Are they eating it wrong?