embarrassed to go to the beach because of body scar

[riromay]

So, my husband has invited his parents to come with us to the seaside so they take care of the baby & we can have some time together. Which is kinda sweet..but I have a "secret".

I have a huge scar on my leg that nobody ever saw (except husband,past boyfriends & parents)..if we go to the beach then they'll obviously see it..and I am so dreading this!

I'm sorry, I realise this sounds extremely stupid but I am so upset I could cry. It's funny, I am all about body positivity for other people but when it comes to myself..I just can't.

I feel like if I show the scar now then everyone would realise that I've been hiding it for forever and who knows what they'd think?

I don't know.. I'm just venting. I know I should deal with this issue but instead I am making plans on how to avoid going to the beach for a week straight..not fun!

How can I handle this? Please don't be mean, I know it's stupid but I am dreading this so much..

Sit down with your husband and decide on the "story" of the scar.
The more extraordinary the better
(alien abduction, shark attack in the local swimming pool, jumping out of a plane to escape the Marines, you name it).

If people ask, tell them a different tall tale each time.

Eventually you'll relax and tell the true story
and nobody will care.
And by then, nor will you.

Is the reason you don’t like the scar because you are ashamed of how you got it?
If I knew someone for years and then noticed a scar on them, I would most likely clock the scar, think ‘they have a scar’ and move on. I wouldn’t think you had been hiding it, more that it hadn’t come up in conversation. X

How did you get it & why are you embarrassed by it?

Deep breaths and decide and get straight a story for the scar with your partner so you are both on the same line.

Also, if you have hidden it that long it very clearly says “this is a secret, don’t ask me about it” so I imagine you would get no more than a quick sideways glance if I’m honest.

Have fun, you will die one day, you won’t get another shot, enjoy the beach and having a babysitter, I’d give my right arm for a baby sitter! I’m so jealous!!

Why would anyone think you've been hiding your scar, rather than simply the fact that they haven't seen you in a swimsuit or whatever before?

Are they usually the sort of people who lack social skills and might say something clumsy or unkind?

I have a very noticeable large scars on my left arm, only visible if I have short sleeves or similar. I have only ever had one momentarily negative reaction from a work colleague - it was thoughtless rather than unkind, and she was immediately mortified.

Hey OP, you are not being stupid at all.
I think the majority of women have felt like this about some aspect of their body at some point.
I think if your husband has seen the scar, and it obviously doesn't bother him at all and he is the person whom you are most intimate then that is the biggest hurdle and you have already overcome that.
If anyone notices the scar, it will be a passing thought. Nobody will care.
Enjoy your holiday, life is too short to worry about these things. You've just had a baby it can be the toughest time to be body positive, give yourself some love.

I’d bet no one even mentions it - I’d never dream of mentioning someone’s scar. If anyone does I’d just lie - ‘oh I fell on some glass as a kid, bad isn’t it! Forget I even have it now’.

@ListeningQuietly

Sit down with your husband and decide on the "story" of the scar. The more extraordinary the better (alien abduction, shark attack in the local swimming pool, jumping out of a plane to escape the Marines, you name it).

If people ask, tell them a different tall tale each time.

Eventually you'll relax and tell the true story
and nobody will care.
And by then, nor will you.

Ah, yes, I also make up stories as to how I got the scar - a shark attack being my favourite one to see if people will believe me, and now am I accustomed to explaining what actually happened which is significantly more dull.

Actually, make the line “you got bit by a shark” then people will think your totally cool!

My now partner, when we were kids, claimed a scar was from a shark bite 😂 totally fell for it, and him- 18 years later still here, he has lots of scars through accidents and being a sick child but I don’t even “see” them anymore.

I think I'm also ashamed on how I got it. I had a big birth mark ( not the type you could laser off or anything like that) and I got surgery to get rid of it when I was 18. Clearly the doctor was very bad because now instead of the birthmark I have a lemon-sized skin graft. So not even a scar.. that was the wrong word.

I think they'll realize they never saw me in a short dress/ shorts or maybe they'll realize that's why I have been avoiding their invites to go to the pool in the past, etc.

My husband is completely oblivious to this, has no idea I feel this way and hasn't crossed his mind that I don't want other people to see it ( men, am I right?? ).

I am sure they'll not make a big deal out of it, I hope. They're good people, it's me who has issues..

You may want to, or get your husband to tell your parents beforehand about the scar?
I think that is what I would do, but everyone is different.

Hmmmm, seems others are saying shark bite too!! He obviously isn’t that cool then as half the internet got bit by a shark too 😂

Riromay
Talk to your husband about it.
Tell him how you feel.
Let him help you and support you.
Its what he is there for.

DEFINITELY bitten by a moray eel when exploring the Bermuda Triangle by the way

Haha, I love the "shark bite" story. Sorry, I was misleading when I said scar it's more of a skin graft.
I actually think those kind of scars are 'cool' and you can always have a shark story or a jumped out a helicopter story to cover it up. Mine not so much 🙁

x post.

aw.

I cant see you have anything whatsoever to be ashamed about.
And glad they sound like nice people.

Nobody will think you've been hiding it. If they think anything at all - and I can absolutely promise you that they're very unlikely to - they'll likely feel bad that they didn't notice before and then not say anything.

I have a pretty big scar down my back from major spinal surgery. It's not pretty. DH has obviously seen it; but it never occurred to me that his parents hadn't, or a lot of my friends, until I was in a bikini a few years ago.

99% of people didn't say anything. One of DH's friends mentioned it to me in a, "God how I haven't I noticed that before?" way, and I made the usual shark-bite, attacked-by-a-lion jokes... he seemed genuinely concerned that he might have upset me by never mentioning it!

I can almost guarantee that this is more of an issue in your head than it'll ever be in reality. I've been there

It seems likely from what you've said about your in laws that if they notice the scar they likely won't say anything at all about it. It really is surprising how often other people don't notice things that loom large in your own mind.

Who on earth would mention the scar? I'm really surprised people are suggesting you make up stories about it - really childish and attention seeking. No one in their right mind will care about it.

Thewaif
The stories are defence mechanism to be used if needed.

A friend uses them to lighten the mood explaining their ones from a car crash where their parent died.

Children in particular WILL ask and a silly story helps

I honestly don't understand people telling silly stories about scars. If a child asks and you don't want tontellnthek the truth just tell them you had an accident. If an adult asks (and most wont) just tell them the truth or tell them you don't really want to talk about it. In all honesty they probably won't even notice, people are a lot less interested in other people than you think. They certainly won't think you have been hiding it as I assume you are not normally in a swim suit around them. My DH has a huge skin graft which basically is now is entire foot and ankle and an even bigger one on his thigh where they took the skin for his foot from it was a rediculously long time after meeting him before I even realised and that was when we were very intimate on a very regular basis, this is your in laws at the beach who will be far more interested in their grandchild than you.

I have the same problem and bought some swim leggings.

Thank you everyone. You have no idea how much you're helping.. this is actually the first time that I'm saying these things out loud ( well, in writing but you get the point).

You know .. I am so afraid of the moment but in a way looking forward to get it over with. If I can do this then it would literally be the start of a new chapter of my life!

@Selkiebride

I have the same problem and bought some swim leggings.

Ow, I am sorry you feel this way as well! What's your story if you feel like sharing?

Just say you needed surgery to remove a growth if they ask, but I'm pretty sure they won't.

Nobody is going to care really, it's only you who is self conscious. For some inspiration - I was watching a hospital thing set in India, forget the name, and the lead (British) actress has significant scarring on her arm, hasn't done her any harm, even wrote it into the plot. Please don't let this stop you from doing things

I think most people wouldn’t ask, not anyone with manners. I had a boyfriend many moons ago who had a large birth mark on his inner thigh, like a big mole. He hated it at school and spent a lot of time in oversized shorts because it came almost to his knee. We met in uni and he said he was genuinely amazed when people didn’t mention it. People have “things” on their body. The older you get the more “things” people have.