embarrassed to go to the beach because of body scar

[riromay]

So, my husband has invited his parents to come with us to the seaside so they take care of the baby & we can have some time together. Which is kinda sweet..but I have a "secret".

I have a huge scar on my leg that nobody ever saw (except husband,past boyfriends & parents)..if we go to the beach then they'll obviously see it..and I am so dreading this!

I'm sorry, I realise this sounds extremely stupid but I am so upset I could cry. It's funny, I am all about body positivity for other people but when it comes to myself..I just can't.

I feel like if I show the scar now then everyone would realise that I've been hiding it for forever and who knows what they'd think?

I don't know.. I'm just venting. I know I should deal with this issue but instead I am making plans on how to avoid going to the beach for a week straight..not fun!

How can I handle this? Please don't be mean, I know it's stupid but I am dreading this so much..

@Tal45 don't assume no one won't be negative about scars. Unfortunatly this isn't the case, and some people can't keep their mouth shut about it either. My FIL told me that my scars were horrendous, made him feel sick etc and some people say really insensitive things.
Just because you are curious about a scar, you don't need to ask about it. If the person concerned wishes to share with you about it, they will

I have a scar on my face, which was originally a birthmark that I had removed.

Whilst I like my scar (and I have no option of hiding it as it is on my face), I certainly did not like the birthmark. I think it's easy for people to say, 'it's nothing to be ashamed of' and rationally I know that is true, but if you have experienced bullying or negativity because of something then of course you can end up feeling ashamed of it.

I am fine with my face now, but I hate saying what kind of birthmark it was out loud, I can barely say the word as I find it so shameful.

Just my experience.

I have a lemon sized birthmark above I've e knee. It's only a café au lait one but if I'm tanned it gets very dark compared to the rest of my skin (helpful on the beach!). It doesn't bother me at all and I almost like it, but I have a really small scar from an infected hair follicle on the other leg which I'm mortified about for some reason.

This is just weird. They'll very likely (if they have any manners at all) not even mention it

I have a scar right across my face. Its thin but obviously there as its mouth to cheek and noone has ever mentioned it. When ive mentioned it people say they genuinely didnt even notice so these things are much more noticable to us that anyone else. Noone would even ask I'm pretty sure of that and your inlaws will just be enjoying spending time with you and little one x

Probably quite outing, but as a person with several scars (12 inch long on my leg, 2 inch long on my forehead and one across my lip) I’ve found most people don’t really notice (or act like they don’t!) or are just a bit inquisitive as to how they happened but don’t judge at all.

As a teenager and young adult I hid behind a fringe but have now embraced my face and body and it’s very liberating. Hopefully you can do the same OP

I feel like if I show the scar now then everyone would realise that I've been hiding it for forever and who knows what they'd think?

Honestly I would think that it’s your scar, your medical history and therefore your business. If you choose to share then I’d be interested in the story, but otherwise it’s not a secret you’ve been hiding, it’s none of anyone’s business.

If you want to tell a version of the truth I’d say you had to have a birthmark removed, and it didn’t go as well as you’d hoped.

I have the opposite, i have a birthmark and people ask why I don’t get it removed. The answer is it’s benign and safer to leave, and any scar would be bigger than the mark. But I don’t tell everyone I meet, just those who happen to notice it and ask.

I have a huge scar from just under my ribs to my pubic bone. It's not a neat line either. I spent ages covering up with with clothes. Then a while saying a mad scientist had given me robotic insides.

Nowadays, it's very rare anyone mentions it, but if they do, I just say "Oh, I had a big operation when I was little. Now, who's for chips?". Most people don't ask, and those that have it's been polite curiosity.

I bet nobody mentions it, they'll probably be hoping you don't notice their imperfections / flabby bits.

It is nobody's business but your own op. Would they really ask about it? I find it rude as if you want to mention it you would. You shouldn't need to hide it for the sake of others either end everybody has things about their body they are insecure about.

We are all a beautiful mismash of imperfectness in my opinion.

I've never seen any of my in laws bare legs. They've never seen mine. Unless you live in a hot country where knee baring clothes are the norm, they aren't going to wonder why they've never seen your bare legs before.

I think there’s a general moment of weirdness on family holidays when everyone has their first day in bathers. Even with no obvious scars, birthmarks, etc, we all seem to sort of ‘clock’ the ravages of life/birth/age on each other on Day one. Or marvel at the kids new fresh skin, or altered muscles and height. Then never again, all just fades into the background for the rest of the holiday. By Day 4 you could grow a spontaneous extra limb overnight and everyone would be too relaxed to notice.

I’ve had the amazing priviledge of having a close mate who donated a chunk of her liver to her dad (decades ago now). She has a distinct torso-sized Y scar. Couldn’t care less, bikinis all the way. When kids marvel at it, she tells different tales every day (with a wink). To adults who stare or ask she says it’s nothing, just an autopsy scar from ages ago. It’s quite fun to watch them nod inanely, walk off, halt and get the point.

I suspect that 3 holidays from now you’ll look back on this thread and wonder what you were so stressed about. The more relaxed you are about it, the more others will be too. That comes with time and ‘exposure’ and it’ll come to you too. Just you wait. Your baby will soon help you- they’ll find your skin graft a delightful, lovable, special part of you. They’ll convince you too!

To adults who stare or ask she says it’s nothing, just an autopsy scar from ages ago.
EPIC answer !

The point of the jokey ones is a way to say none of your business in a non confrontational manner

@Nitpickpicnic

I think there’s a general moment of weirdness on family holidays when everyone has their first day in bathers. Even with no obvious scars, birthmarks, etc, we all seem to sort of ‘clock’ the ravages of life/birth/age on each other on Day one. Or marvel at the kids new fresh skin, or altered muscles and height. Then never again, all just fades into the background for the rest of the holiday. By Day 4 you could grow a spontaneous extra limb overnight and everyone would be too relaxed to notice.

I’ve had the amazing priviledge of having a close mate who donated a chunk of her liver to her dad (decades ago now). She has a distinct torso-sized Y scar. Couldn’t care less, bikinis all the way. When kids marvel at it, she tells different tales every day (with a wink). To adults who stare or ask she says it’s nothing, just an autopsy scar from ages ago. It’s quite fun to watch them nod inanely, walk off, halt and get the point.

I suspect that 3 holidays from now you’ll look back on this thread and wonder what you were so stressed about. The more relaxed you are about it, the more others will be too. That comes with time and ‘exposure’ and it’ll come to you too. Just you wait. Your baby will soon help you- they’ll find your skin graft a delightful, lovable, special part of you. They’ll convince you too!

Oh, what a dream it would be that a few holidays from now I wouldn't care at all! I would love for that to happen and I am really trying not to stress about this holiday anymore

It's likely no-one will notice or comment. But if you still feel uncomfortable, why not pack a couple of sarongs or long floaty wrap skirts and pop these over your swimwear when not in the water?

Do you know what? People will look, people may comment but unless they’re ridiculously rude, they won’t stare, hop. I think, be brave, your pil may ask and you can just say ‘childhood surgery’.

For work, I cover up the missing chunk of my leg, last time (first time since the accident) I was on the beach, I was too hot to care much.

Oops, pic!

I think it is extremely rude to comment on appearance at all, and certainly to mention a scar - guess what, the person with the scar does know about it! Any one who does comment should be given the death stare for making bloody stupid remarks.

As an aside the actress mentioned up thread is Amanda Redman. Near miss as a child with scalding soup, it seems.

Please try not to worry about it sweetheart, everyone has ‘stuff’ on their bodies and at the beach most people are far too worried about what they look like to concern themselves with anyone else!

By showing your scar and trying to get comfortable with it you’ll be setting a great example for your DC as they grow up

@Brigante9

Do you know what? People will look, people may comment but unless they’re ridiculously rude, they won’t stare, hop. I think, be brave, your pil may ask and you can just say ‘childhood surgery’.

For work, I cover up the missing chunk of my leg, last time (first time since the accident) I was on the beach, I was too hot to care much.

Thank you for sharing! How did it feel when you uncovered at the beach? I'm hoping I get this big feeling of relief .. I think for me part of the issue is that I kept it secret for so long. If it had happened now I would just rip of the Band aid and show everyone, but since it happened so long ago i feel like I've been living a lie as ridiculous as it sounds.

To the poster that said that it would set a good example for DC, you are so right! I would hate if they waste so much of their life covering parts of their body because they're insecure about it..

It's part of you and part of what's made you, you. No-one whose opinion you need care about for one second should mind beyond feeling bad for you that you felt bad.

I've a dear friend who came out one day wearing a hearing aid - in all the years I'd known her she never mentioned being hard of hearing. I know it was a big thing for her to talk about it and I admired her.

you'll be fine. Deep breaths!

Ok.. here it is! Making the first steps! I always post my pictures carefully angled so it doesn't show.

This random day is proving quite big for me !

I was pregnant in some of these hence cradling my "bump".

Not worried it's outing since .. you know.. no one knows about it haha

@Brigante9 that looks a very relaxing bath and i am jealous! Your scar didn't even enter my head, just oh my goodness i would kill for a bubble bath right now!

Hi OP. I have a large skin graft across around half my chest, including over my right breast. Scalded by boiling kettle as a baby.

I think until I hit university it made me wear covering clothes like polo necks etc, and high necked swimsuits, however, lovely uni friends convinced me to get my bikini on when we inter-railed around Europe. It was a big 'deep breath' moment but seriously, it was fine!!

I realised that no one actually really cares. If people are dense or insensitive enough to stare, it's their loss, let it go. I then wore vest tops etc and haven't looked back. A seminal moment was topless sunbathing in the south of France. It was so liberating with my scar. (Caveat- I was 19! Wouldn't do it now after 2 kids 😂)

My personal life never suffered...boyfriends always just shrugged and said they hadn't really noticed.

I think we as the scar carriers get more anxious and hung up than others will actually be, sometimes! Please wear whatever you want at the beach, and with pride.

Most importantly, you'll be setting a brilliant example for your children of 'chin-up, scars tell our story, and we're all beautiful as we are.'