embarrassed to go to the beach because of body scar

[riromay]

So, my husband has invited his parents to come with us to the seaside so they take care of the baby & we can have some time together. Which is kinda sweet..but I have a "secret".

I have a huge scar on my leg that nobody ever saw (except husband,past boyfriends & parents)..if we go to the beach then they'll obviously see it..and I am so dreading this!

I'm sorry, I realise this sounds extremely stupid but I am so upset I could cry. It's funny, I am all about body positivity for other people but when it comes to myself..I just can't.

I feel like if I show the scar now then everyone would realise that I've been hiding it for forever and who knows what they'd think?

I don't know.. I'm just venting. I know I should deal with this issue but instead I am making plans on how to avoid going to the beach for a week straight..not fun!

How can I handle this? Please don't be mean, I know it's stupid but I am dreading this so much..

Oh OP honestly I hear what you are saying about being self conscious but I really don't think anyone will give it a second thought and I mean that the the kindest way possible.
I know it's not a competition but I have one normal boob and one and implant and a big scar across that. I wear an insulin pump, have a big purple scar on my ankle and three toes on one foot. I don't let it get me down and I kind of 'own' my differences by talking about them. So I'll tell people that I have three toes and my mates call me budgie, that it's really handy to be able to perch on towel rails, but it does annoy me when I keep head butting mirrors. Keep smiling it's not the end of the world and style it out.

@riromay you look amazing! I don’t think it’s the kind of scar people will focus on. It looks like you had an accident or something so people are unlikely to hardly notice. Mine’s a bit huge and I was stared at in a swimming pool, people stopped swimming to look, so I turned to show them-poolside showers. I was annoyed at their lack of decorum but I suppose it is pretty obvious. 🤷‍♀️

I think it’s terribly sad that a relatively young woman, who is probably rather beautiful, is so worried about such a small thing.

People don’t care. Worse case scenario- practice in your head - Mrs in-law says what’s that scar from? Will the sun stop rising? Not at all. You just say, “Oh that’s from surgery I had when I was younger. I hoped you wouldn’t notice.” They’ll then move on.

If you really can’t find the confidence to brazen it out, invest in a sarong for on the beach and only whip it off for swimming. Perhaps, even get your husband to have a word with his mother beforehand and explain you’re sensitive about it.

If your father in law comments, tell him to stop being pervy.

I burnt both my legs as a toddler, one leg has plastic surgery (1960's so very uneven and noticable) and the other has skin grafts, both legs have very large scars covering 50% of my legs above the knee. No one has ever shown any real interest, I have discussed the burns but everyone else has scars that make up part of the discussion and I have never had a negative response from anyone in over 50 years. Do not stop your perception stop you enjoying your life or holding back your family life by limiting your activities.

Just not your photos. Do you mean that tiny mark near your knee? I’d have assumed it was a nasty graze from long ago. Roller skating on tarmac or similar.
Having seen that, you really don’t need to worry. I’d assumed it was much higher up, much larger and still angry looking. It isn’t.

I have a dinner plate sized burn scar on the front of my upper leg. It looks much worse when I tan as the scar stays pale. Does it bother me, no, not really but it is always there. I feel for you but you have to embrace it, it is part of the story of who you are. The person who minds the most will always be you, others will stop noticing it.

@riromay

I have a "birthmark" scar too;again like you only my parents and husband has seen it.It's on my bum cheek and it's huge;it's about the size of an adults mans palm.I was born with skin missing on my bum so it's an interesting scar.

Scars and birthmarks are part of who we are;they are almost a road map of our life.I think everyone has something on their body they are self conscious about.

My husband had scarring on his arm due to burns from a accident;he had a tattoo to incorporate his scar.

PLEASE
do not dismiss the OPs scar.
For her its a key part of her identity that she needs to file in the right place.
Support her taking the first step
DO NOT
criticise the initial fear

Work out what you want to say, whether that's "operation/alligator"
My friend had a bad car crash and had massive skin grafts all down her thighs plus scarring. She wore tights for ages but eventually started wearing shorts and going bare legged again. A few people asked, she glared and said "shark" and that was that

@ListeningQuietly

PLEASE do not dismiss the OPs scar. For her its a key part of her identity that she needs to file in the right place. Support her taking the first step DO NOT criticise the initial fear

I know what you mean, but I think everyone is posting from a place of support and reassurance and giving the likely (non-) reaction of people who will see OP IRL, not telling her she's being silly.

OP, I really hope that's what you're getting from this

@riromay you look amazing on the beach. Your scar is not as noticeable as you may believe but I do understand being self conscious of it. Lots of us walk around with scars, seen and unseen.

Having scars that can be seen by others can be a difficult thing to feel comfortable with. I wore a bikini at a spa 8 weeks post c section with Ds2. We were on holiday with my PIL and my MIL and I attended a women's only spa day. She was also several weeks post surgery (anal fistula, ouch) so we felt we needed to relax and pamper ourselves, our bodies having been through hell. You cannot see my c section scar as it is too low down but you could see my other scars on my stomach from surgeries. I cannot cover them with even bikini shorts.

I was luckily at a stage where I didn't give a flying fuck about them but it did take me a few years to get to that stage. Dh loves and accepts me warts and all but other people don't have that love for me so it was nerve wracking. Also because it wasn't just MIL seeing me but complete strangers. MIL was a lovely woman though, I miss her.

OP, looking at your photos made me realise what a hypocrite I am. I wouldn't be self conscious of a scar but I also wouldn't wear a bikini with your confidence because I'm self conscious of my tummy and in particular my belly button

And there's nothing wrong with it really, I'm slim, just don't look like I did pre-kids (no surprise really!)

I hope you have a lovely holiday

Well done OP for starting this thread, you did all the ‘work’ by bringing your feelings into the open.

I have a D.C. with scars from repeated major surgeries. There is no point in any of us saying ‘oh, they’re hardly noticeable’ etc, because they are. And that’s that. As noticeable as hair colour and length, and no more or less important.

Scars are scars, they are just a fact of life, no such thing as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ they are just something that the body acquired... alongside extra height

Dc deals with it in that manner. It is boring to explain when people ask, but Dc has a succinct low key factual explanation designed to move on to ‘Next Slide Please’ in the conversation.

You simply have a scar, not the ‘dirty secret’ you have built up. Neither scar nor your feelings are anything to feel ashamed about. You are the woman your DH, kids and ILs love. Both your knees are equally part of that.

All strength and power to you OP.

@ListeningQuietly

PLEASE do not dismiss the OPs scar. For her its a key part of her identity that she needs to file in the right place. Support her taking the first step DO NOT criticise the initial fear

Blimey, bossy much??!!

Everyone is posting in a very caring fashion. OP has already said it has helped her.

My thoughts too! I mean talk about being patronising. Most people responding have their own issues and are sharing their experiences.

I haven't seen anyone criticising 🤷

Oh OP - if it helps, I love scars. I find them fascinating. There's a young guy at work who has a massive one on his forearm - he was talking about getting a tattoo on his other arm, and I wondered if he wanted one to cover his scar. He said No Way! He's proud of how it happened (martial arts fight) and thinks it really cool (as do i)

And your pix have reminded me - I have almost exactly the same scar, on my knee. i got it by riding my bike down big hill on way to school, boy ran out in front of me and i flew right over the top. Wrecked my knee, i now have a massive scar (that reduced, in time) but I can confidently say that I have never ever taken any notice of it. No one has ever mentioned it, or stared, and I have never tried to cover it up - I only remembered I have it, when I saw your pix!

BTW - if you want to go the 'shark bite' excuse, there is a shark called the 'cookie cutter' which takes a circular, cookie cutter shaped bite out of you. Ask me how I know

@moochingtothepub

Just say you needed surgery to remove a growth if they ask, but I'm pretty sure they won't.

Nobody is going to care really, it's only you who is self conscious. For some inspiration - I was watching a hospital thing set in India, forget the name, and the lead (British) actress has significant scarring on her arm, hasn't done her any harm, even wrote it into the plot. Please don't let this stop you from doing things

Amanda Redman in The Good Karma Hospital. I watched her for years in New Tricks and never noticed the scarring, it was only after I read an article about her that I looked again and thought "oh yeah".

I have a friend who has a large scar similar to what you described. She tells people it was a tattoo that got infected. I'd known her for about a decade before I found out the truth. I didn't think anything of it at all and I'd never asked or mentioned it

I know how you feel. I have a birthmark on the back of my leg which I was so self conscious about for my entire childhood. It affected my involvement in sports and fashionable clothes, shorts in summer etc. PE lessons were horrendous and caused me huge anxiety. Now that I am older, I realise it is actually not that big and no one really cares.

I totally sympathise with the way you are feeling. The thought of someone saying something about my birthmark caused me great stress, but actually, I realised if I'd been more blasé about it, the curiosity would have passed quickly and no one would have given it a second thought. If your in laws ask about it, just really casually say "oh I had a birthmark removed when I was younger." That will be it, over and done with, they will have their answer and there's nothing more to be said.

Having seen it, I think they will assume you had a bad fall or something as that's what it looks like, so if you feel more comfortable saying that, you could just tell them that in the same casual way and move on.

Whatever you decide to tell them, practise saying the words out loud to yourself lots of times before you go so it just trips off the tongue and the words have lost all their emotion to you and you won't get choked up with the anxiety of the moment.

I suspect they won't say anything, but if you are prepared, you will feel more confident. The more you try to hide it or shy away from it, the more other people will be curious.

You look fab in a bikini OP, I'm jealous! If you're not quite ready to go the whole hog and have it out all the time, H and M do some really nice beach cover-ups that I used to hide the scar on my calf (surgery for broken leg). I'll see if I can link one.

www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.0812464001.html

I've known several people who had the surgery that people with cerebral palsy get on their legs. Scars all over the legs, operations to do with giving them more mobility.

I know them from swimming & trips to the beach together :)

Sorry to say... but non-issue. You just aren't in the big leagues when it comes to interesting scars, OP. :)