At what age does a weekend feel like a ‘break’ when you have kids?

[kalokoli]

We’ve got a 15 month old and pretty full on jobs, and at the end of the week the weekend just feels like more hard work! In some ways when it gets to Monday it feels like we’re getting more of a rest going back to work!

It might be worse because of Covid and how little there is to do at the moment, and also we think our son potentially isn’t the easiest child. We get lots of moments of real joy from him but he’s also extremely quick to cry and scream if we do anything other than intensely interact with him eg unloading the dishwasher or other household tasks or even just chatting to each other for a few minutes. And he screams in the car and will often have meltdowns if we try to go out for more than an hour or so on eg a nice country walk which means we tend to just hang around the house. Hard to tell if this is just normal baby/toddler behaviour though as we don’t know any others!

We try to do shifts so that we each get some time off to ourselves at the weekend, but really we’d like to spend time all together as a family but have it actually feel like a restful break after a week of work rather than be exhausted at the end of it! This is probably wishful thinking for the immediate future but we were wondering at what age it might start to feel like the weekend is actually a break and you end it feeling ready for the week ahead?!

15 months is a very difficult time. It will get gradually easier when he is talking and interacting with other toddlers (you need to make some friends with toddlers, or take him to soft play).

It gets easier again about 5, when they start school and become more independent, and have the stamina to do interesting days out without a meltdown.

Basically, it will get easier

Mine are 6 and 3 and it is slowly getting easier. DS1 can get up by himself and watch telly and DS2 tends to sleep a little later so we can often get an extra hour in bed. They will often play together for an hour or so at a time. We tend to do one family day and one pottering around day at the weekend, and on the pottering around day often one of us will take them out for a bit so the other can work/clean in peace.

Ours are both in primary school and it’s much easier. We are not above leaving notes outside our bedroom door to tell them not to wake us unless it’s an emergency!

There are a few other kids on our street so on a nice weekend day they will play out together for a couple of hours, with one adult being “in charge” but generally noodling about in a front garden.

It gets gradually easier. By 3 or 4 mine would entertain themselves for longer and by 4 certain you don't need to have a constant eye on them. Since my youngest was about 6 or 7 I even get a lie in as they will make their own cereal. They're now 8 and 10 and I try to do something with them every day at the weekend - go out somewhere or so a craft/game/watch a film - but there is not the need for constant supervision or entertainment.

Just to add, you kind of need to teach them to get on with things. We've always expected them to do things for themselves (though I run about after them all day long in many ways too). They know its not cool to wake especially daddy. They know they are welcome to come for a quiet cuddle which I love but will get sent out if messing and making noise. The know to come if there is a proper issue and I or daddy will get up and sort it. But we dont jump to their demands on the weekends like we do during the week.

But kids don't leave you alone unless you teach them to. And that doesnt mean ignoring them. It means encouraging them to be self sufficient, letting them make mistakes, not letting them whinge and bully you into doing something they want for no real reason. And giving them lots of love and praise and structure too.

From about 8 or 9 I'd say.

I think it also depends how many kids you've got. I only have the one, nearly 13 and I hardly see him. I have to bribe him to spend time with me now 😂

Mine are 10 and 13 now. My eldest 2 have left home.

Weekends are great now. The 13 year old sleeps in and the 10 year old wakes up around 9. They've been getting their own breakfast since they were 3 or 4. 1 activity each for them which is usually on a sat and the rest if the time if we don't all go out together for the day on sun is spent doing their own thing or watching TV etc. Might bake or play games 8f I want.

I used to spend the whole of sat and some of sun ferrying them back and forth for activities and then way before covid I put a stop to it. It was pissing me off and they also wanted to relax themselves. We can all go out as a family if we want or not at weekends.

Mine are 3.5, 7 & 10 and weekends are pretty chilled now.
BUT - we let them go and watch TV downstairs in the mornings
They can get their own breakfast (eldest helps youngest)
We’ve never been entertainer parents
We let them have a fair bit of screen time at home

Frazzled2207 Gro Clocks are indeed fantastic. DD1 can tell the time using an analogue clock but we've kept her Gro Clock, as in a semi asleep state it's just so much easier to glance at it and know if it's a reasonable or ungodly hour (especially now it's getting lighter in the mornings!). I can't see us removing it any time soon. I am not a happy person when woken before 7

Mine are 12 and 10.

Still love Monday mornings when I sit alone with my coffee in the garden office to work while everyone else has gone to school or work!

Weekends are great but everyone is around, I do loads of cooking and washing and talking to them all!

But it is much much easier than when they were say 3 and 1.

I remember an Easter holiday in a cottage when they were I think 3.5 and nearly 6.

They shared a room, got up and played together, were out in the garden together and DH and I were able to sit and read and listen to music for really quite long periods. We both noticed the novelty of it and now we still remember it as a big turning point.

I have a 5yo and 8yo and it’s starting to slowly occasionally happen. The 8yo is a dream tbh, she reads loads and often the things she wants help with are quite fun, or she’ll join in with gardening or something we’re doing. And she’ll do jobs for pocket money.

The 5yo is still at the “I want someone to play with meeeeeee” stage. If his sister obliges then he’s happy, if not then we get a lot of whining! When he does occasionally play independently we tiptoe round and talk in hushed awed tones 🤣

@SpiderinaWingMirror

When they are able to put cereal in a bowl and put the telly on.

This with bells on. And don't sign them up for any weekend activity that starts at 9/10am

Think mine were generally easier from school age when they could play alone for a while. I did introduce quiet time from about two/three though where they would nap or play quietly for an hour while I could do
something I needed to undisturbed. It generally built up from their nap time and gave them some down time too even if they didn’t nap.

Quite easy these days aside from giving lifts. Mine are still in bed. Youngest is 11.

When they leave home and you don't know what they are doing so can't worry about them any more.

I started to get a break some weekends when DS went on sleepovers. Whenever he was there and had sleepovers there was no break.

Even as a teen I was constantly taking him places. So I would say as a late teenager a proper "flop" weekend happened.

When they are teenagers and go out with friends, saying they'll be back by midnight and you get a 'phone call at 2am asking for a pick up somewhere miles away. Better to give them cab fare really.

6/7 was a turning point for us. DS used to make a bowl of cereal and watch TV so no rushing about. Getting out the house was easy as needed minimal stuff. He was past the spare trousers and toys phase.

But then we went and had another kid so we’re back to entertaining a toddler at weekends again!

From about 10, if they're independent and have friends/hobbies etc and are able to engage in them. You end up being a bit of a taxi service/supplier of snack money but there's a definite shift from around that age.

I'd say between 5 and 6 it gets easier, and by 8 the weekend feels more like a break. Mine are now 14 and 10 and thankfully are happy to do whatever at the weekend at the moment ( no clubs) but usually it's parties, clubs, meet ups etc and I'm a taxi service.
Mine are both very independent and have been for a good while, teaching them to do things for themselves very early on really paid off.

10 and 11 and I never see them anymore. Either out with friends or in their rooms with doors shut.

It does get easier, 15 months is a hard age!

Mine are 8 and 11 now, both with SEN, but we do relax. They get up when they want, make their own breakfasts, amuse themselves while I potter around. The eldest sometimes makes his own lunch/dinner.
I do still have to drag them out for exercise but we have fun once we're out.

Sounds grim and miserable. Why do people have more than 1 kid if most look forward going to work?
No sneakiness in the message - just genuine curiosity

Between 5 and 6. My three are really good at entertaining each other BUT that's taken cultivation/personality luck.

My teenager sleeps til 1pm. So he's easy apart from the strops and eye-rolling and his room being a pigsty.

My 15 month old is exhausting. Does yours nap and sleep well op? I find mine has the tantrums you're describing when he's tired, hungry or needs a change of scenery.

But basically the only time I get that feels like a break is bed time.