At what age does a weekend feel like a ‘break’ when you have kids?

[kalokoli]

We’ve got a 15 month old and pretty full on jobs, and at the end of the week the weekend just feels like more hard work! In some ways when it gets to Monday it feels like we’re getting more of a rest going back to work!

It might be worse because of Covid and how little there is to do at the moment, and also we think our son potentially isn’t the easiest child. We get lots of moments of real joy from him but he’s also extremely quick to cry and scream if we do anything other than intensely interact with him eg unloading the dishwasher or other household tasks or even just chatting to each other for a few minutes. And he screams in the car and will often have meltdowns if we try to go out for more than an hour or so on eg a nice country walk which means we tend to just hang around the house. Hard to tell if this is just normal baby/toddler behaviour though as we don’t know any others!

We try to do shifts so that we each get some time off to ourselves at the weekend, but really we’d like to spend time all together as a family but have it actually feel like a restful break after a week of work rather than be exhausted at the end of it! This is probably wishful thinking for the immediate future but we were wondering at what age it might start to feel like the weekend is actually a break and you end it feeling ready for the week ahead?!

when youngest was 5 it became easier. Now at age 10 and 7 it's great. They play together, can select a film on netflix without help, can make a drink and snack, play on the switch, bumble around the estate with a friend for an hour. I do chores, chat to them, watch things with headphones on, nap if DH is about. Love this stage.

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Also it depends what kind of job you have. I can never say I'm going to work for a rest because I'm an infant school teacher. It's brilliant fun, never boring, but exhausting looking after 30 5 year old all day and then doing the associated paperwork and meetings until 6pm. If I had a civilised office job it might feel a bit more restful... I definitely need a break at the weekend.

I think some parents martyr themselves by packing weekends with activities and then complaining about ferrying children to clubs etc constantly. Sometimes kids just want to be at home pottering about, crafting, building lego, playing with toys. Personally I don't enjoy making small talk on a freezing rugby pitch or charging about with tired grumpy offspring. In normal times they do one club each which they genuinely enjoy, we go out for lunch as a family sometimes, have the odd day out, visit friends, go for walks and a coffee etc but still spend lots of time at home.

For me - when the youngest child was around 4 yo.

You have a break when your child is asleep :-).

Seriously, it does get better. When he is older he will not go into meltdowns and will be interested in all sorts of things, it will be fun. Then the time will come when he has friends and goes to them for a day, leaving you to relax.

Around 5 years old for us. Oddly the minute we got a puppy life became easier with the children. Even though the puppy was hard work!

10/11 starting to get easier here (also SN). Has just learned not to come barging in when we are asleep, and will happily watch a movie alone.

Dd turned 3 last month and I’d say that weekends are much better than they were. She was a tough 2 year old and there were periods that felt like hard work with little reward. Now she will play independently, potter around the house amusing herself, watch a film and be good company on a walk - this weekend she walked 3 miles without complaining. Yesterday I went to the park with a friend and sat in the sunshine whilst our kids amused themselves with little intervention from us. There feels like there’s more pleasure and downtime at weekends now. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still demands, tantrums, whinging etc but it’s outweighed by the good times now.

Op I used to absolutely dread weekends as they weren't a break at all, 3 dc. Youngest is 7 and I'd say last 12 months I have started to look forward to weekends, although two youngest dc fall out lots which detracts from this somewhat at times. On the topic of your DC acting up if you go out, all 3 of mine did this as toddlers, it's quite normal, and I get that it does make you want to avoid being in a situation that you anticipate wont be enjoyable. However, your DC is effectively ruling your lives with bad behaviour which isn't fun for any of you. I'd suggest still taking them out (obviously as you say covid effects this lots atm) and letting the tantrums happen, your DC will get over them and still be having experiences. Parenting a toddler is the hardest job in the world imo 💐

8 and 3 year old. Not yet.

I'd say my weekends really started to feel like a break when my dd was about 12/13. We now do things that we both like, or she does her sports or sees friends (Covid permitting). No more soft play, toddler or princess group type activities.

Ds was, luckily for us, a very easy baby and dc so we enjoyed peaceful weekends until dd came along.
That was a shock.
She's still a bit full on as an adult but af least its just on the phone!

Your son sounds like my middle child. He was terrible between 1 and 2 with dreadful tantrums. He slowly improved between 2 and 3. After 3 he was much easier and day trips were enjoyable even with another baby.

I have a 10, 7 and 2 year old. It is all relative. If we didn't have the 2 year old we would currently be having long sections of time undisturbed while the older two are playing lego etc/making arty things/in garden/watching things on screens/reading. They go downstairs on their own and find things to do in the morning without waking us, and have down this for years. Spending time with them is relaxing as we enjoy board games etc
Our 2 year old makes If feel like work as he needs almost constant attention/supervising. However, at almost 3 he is increasingly able to be in the garden with the others, with us keeping an eye on him(while listening the radio indoors). This is a long way from where we were at 15 months. He also sleeps much better and we rarely have disturbed night.
I remember by 4, my older children would play lego etc when they woke up. They also no longer needed constant supervision at softplay/playgrounds/friends and families house etc which is exhausting to do. I would say in terms of getting time to your self it does gradually increase, with big jump when they are 4ish so don't need constant supervising.

I think once your youngest child goes to school. They get tired out during the week then too and need a more restful time at the weekends. They are also more easy to entertain and better at following instructions by then.

You'll soon get sucked into a round of weekend activities; football club, swimming lessons, kids parties etc - to be honest it's pretty full on until you get to a point when they are old enough to do something independently, ie 12-14. Sorry!

Prob age 10/11 unless you are happy to let them have a lot of screen time. Easier when they stop getting up at 6am and post 5/6 when they can be left to own devices more..

When they are able to put cereal in a bowl and put the telly on.

I have an 18 month old who is happy to play on her own, watch tv, look at books etc pretty much endlessly. She jabbers away to herself and I can go in another room to do something/the shower etc and she won’t complain. So weekends do feel like a break now, but I look forward to when a silence of more than five seconds symbolises peace rather than making me fly into the room to see what she’s up to! I’m expecting DC2 just after her second birthday so things could be about to get more chaotic.

I find it more tiring at school age unless you let them have screens all day long. Cant get a word in with DH somtimes.

The ages stated are going to be vastly different for each family depending on the DCs' personalities, your parenting style, and what you class as relaxing.

We like to be 'doing', so pottering about in the garden doing jobs, going for walks, seeing friends etc is relaxing for us. I don't want to sit down and watch a film or read a book during the day. DCs can dress themselves, make toast or cereal and find what they want to watch on TV, so they will often get themselves up, dressed and fed in the morning. They have Gro Clocks set to 7am, and will stay in bed and read or play quietly in their room until it turns, although are rarely up before 7 now. During the day they will play together with the occasional need for us to solve a dispute, and will have a couple of hours of screen time too which occupies them quietly. I've even taken to popping their day's snacks in a pot in the morning so they can help themselves when needed (and when it's gone it's gone!), which eliminates the constant haranguing for food. Weekly cleaning/chores still needs to be done, but that was the case before DCs too, and can be left sometimes if we want to do something else. DCs are 6 and 4yo.
If we were the type to want to sit and read quietly, we could probably manage 1/2hr stretches between interruptions as DCs do love a question. DH regularly manages a 30min power nap on the sofa before the DCs use him as a trampoline.

Mine are 8 and 5 and it’s starting to get a bit easier now. Still no lie in though. However, they will watch a film and play together or play a game with us. They’ll also go off into their rooms so we can have a cup of tea in peace. All of their clubs are also starting to return now too so that really helps. They do loads so it occupies them well and burns off loads of energy so they’re happy to just play with toys/Xbox or watch a bit of TV. OP you’re at one of the hardest points right now. At toddler age we found swimming a really good family activity. Maybe see if you can book to go once pools open again.

@SaucySarah

You'll soon get sucked into a round of weekend activities; football club, swimming lessons, kids parties etc - to be honest it's pretty full on until you get to a point when they are old enough to do something independently, ie 12-14. Sorry!

Whereas obviously the pandemic has obviously been entirely shit I’ve enjoyed not having to do the constant parade of stage school/football/swimming/parties etc at weekends. I think that hits its peak at 4-6 and then there are less parties (good friends only) and my own want to chill more than they did.

@SkankingMopoke
While mine are def old enough to tell the time now I have to agree that groclocks have been a godsend in our house. Start using at about 2yo op. Amazing investment.’

Mine are 8, 6, 5 and 3. This last 6 months I suddenly feel like weekends are a break. We can lie in and do what we want between doing stuff for and with the kids. Its an amazing change after years and years of drudgery.

Important to note though that my 3 year old is a very good and easy child. He is independent, careful, close to his siblings who keep a good eye on him, calm and very undemanding. Happy to watch tv, take himself to the loo and his siblings happily put out breakfast which he eats carefully and without mess. I think most people with a 3 yr old would still be on full parenting high alert.