At what age does a weekend feel like a ‘break’ when you have kids?

[kalokoli]

We’ve got a 15 month old and pretty full on jobs, and at the end of the week the weekend just feels like more hard work! In some ways when it gets to Monday it feels like we’re getting more of a rest going back to work!

It might be worse because of Covid and how little there is to do at the moment, and also we think our son potentially isn’t the easiest child. We get lots of moments of real joy from him but he’s also extremely quick to cry and scream if we do anything other than intensely interact with him eg unloading the dishwasher or other household tasks or even just chatting to each other for a few minutes. And he screams in the car and will often have meltdowns if we try to go out for more than an hour or so on eg a nice country walk which means we tend to just hang around the house. Hard to tell if this is just normal baby/toddler behaviour though as we don’t know any others!

We try to do shifts so that we each get some time off to ourselves at the weekend, but really we’d like to spend time all together as a family but have it actually feel like a restful break after a week of work rather than be exhausted at the end of it! This is probably wishful thinking for the immediate future but we were wondering at what age it might start to feel like the weekend is actually a break and you end it feeling ready for the week ahead?!

Having 3DC, honestly I'd say when they're at secondary school age, so around 11.

Not sure if you want to hear this but Ds (9) is more independent and capable of spending time alone BUT he asks about a million questions, constantly interrupts me, needs feeding, washing and ironing done, entertaining, playdates, sports clubs, swimming lessons, beavers etc etc. It's also really expensive so there's less fun money knocking around so we can't work less.

When DS is in school I often spend the whole day sorting stuff out so I can sit down in the evening, but now he is older he is staying up later so am stuck watching child appropriate tv until 8.30 at night.

It's constant, I last had a relaxing weekend about nine years ago, but that's part of being a parent. It's one of those things that I had to get used to was the idea that I would be tired for the next 18 years or so.

We both work full time, and have no help from parents. When people say that their parents look after their kids I am so jealous!

I love DS, and he is a joy to be around, but I do find work less 'busy' then my home-it is a rest!

I’d say it didn’t start feeling like a break til he was about 12 at least. Right through primary school it’s hard work. Early mornings, parties, trips to the park. So tiring! Those are just a few of the delights, soooo many more. It started feeling more of a rest when he wanted lie ins too (thank God!) Also, once he stopped wanting me watch him play rugby on a Sunday I breathed a sigh of relief as it was so bloody cold! Quick drop off, then back to bed/read a book/out to breakfast. That was nice. That was when he was about 12/13 too. I guess I wasn’t cool enough to go anymore.

Mine are 4 next month and 13 months. I feel like if we just had the older one then it would start getting better around now. He is happy to get up independently and watch a bit of TV (we live in a flat and my bedroom is right off the living room so I feel present but still on my own) he has always been a great independent player though so only time will tell if DD is too or not.

My youngest is 13, I still have 19 and 20 year olds at home and I'm still waiting for weekends where I have nothing to do but please myself Someone always needs something in this house! DH and I are a taxi service for our youngest - her activities often dictate the weekend. Kids do need lifts to their friends houses or to their sports clubs. The needs of children change as they get older but I don't think they always reduce much. Covid and being cooped up hasn't helped though

Mine are 11 13 and 18.

Still wondering this myself

All is not lost op. Now that ds (2.5yrs)can tell us what he wants I do find weekends quite relaxing. Even with a 3 month old as well!
I would say up to 2 yrs is bloody hard but from then I would say I've found relaxing moments in the hecticness of everything else

You say you have full on jobs - does that mean full time childcare during the week? I definitely notice that DC in childcare are used to being entertained full time (that's kind of what you are paying for) whereas those who spend some time at home with just one parent are used to being ignored a bit more whilst chores are done.

He’s in nursery 4 days a week and so yes I think he is quite used to constant stimulation! We’re very happy to read to him or play 1 on 1 with him for a lot of the time but it would also be really nice for him to be happy to just ‘co-exist’ in the same space as us with him either playing a little by himself or just observing us as we do a bit of gardening or cook a meal (we’ve got him a tower thing so he can stand and watch us) or coming along with us on a day out or a countryside walk etc, but think that’s still a little way off. I also wonder if lockdown has exacerbated it as he’s not used to being carted round the shops/going off on day trips etc so hasn’t had to learn to be adaptable - he’s just used to us being in the house playing with him most of the time! Still, nice to know there is eventually life at the end of the tunnel!

I'd say it depends how much screen time you are willing to let them have. We have a 15, 7 and 6 year old. The 15 year old is self sufficient, and if we let the kids on the Nintendo/their tablets they will happily stay on them for most of the day- we usually let them have unlimited time if we are decorating.
We've just done a bedroom and that took 2 days from start to finish, so they have had a lot. Usually it's 2 hours a day on a normal day.

Mine is 18 months and weekends feel tougher and more tiring at times than normal working days..

🤣🤣🤣 a break what's that again.

Last time I had a break was before I had children, so that I could properly relax. Almost 14 years ago.

When our youngest was about 6 1/2 I suddenly realised we were having fun again! It sounds ages away but it really isn't.
I thought I'd miss the baby/toddler years but I don't.

When they will engage to watch TV more than 5 minutes, so age 2 onwards. Assuming you don't want to let them watch tv all day, then I can't say you'll get more than an hour at 2 yrs . My oldest is 5 years old and can entertain himself but mainly follows me saying what should I do Mummy? Can you play with Mrs Can I watch TV yet arghhhhhhh no. I also have one the same age as your DC and it's non- stop. I generally try to do long drives at nap time or sing. On walks have to let them out for a bit, quite painful but they enjoy it which can be very sweet.

Mine are 7 & 9 and it's, getting much, much better!

Mines 3 and never stops talking. So we're saying 3 more years to go?

I just want to read the paper in peace.

DS is 2.5 and going to work is a holiday after the weekend 😂

Age 1-2 years is the hardest for me

Mine is 5 almost 6 and it does vary.

Most of the time he will happily get lego out etc and play without direct attention from me. If I make a timetable he can follow it and manage his time quite well, yesterday for example I was working on the bathroom so I made a timetable for example 9am lego, 10am colouring, 10:30 snack etc and he generally followed it quite well and just popped in to ask for his snack, tell me a few things etc and didn’t cause too much chaos. Now at the park he will play on his own or with other children with just the odd “look Daddy” so I can generally read a book, have a run (within sight of him) or walk the dog.

Then other days its like living with a really irritating conjoined twin. Today we took the camper out so we could visit Grandma so she had somewhere warm and comfy to sit if he got cold. He could not have been more needy the entire time we were out of the flat.

I think each is just different. Mine are 12 and 15, and whilst I don't have to dress them and make them drinks, they have other demands. Social events, sports, clubs (in normal times) and they stay up as late as you, so you never get the head space.

Not yet and i have young teens one has asd though

I was saying to DH recently that I've found ours much easier recently. They're 5 and 8. I will say I've encouraged independent play throughout their lives, and the 5yo is sometimes very keen to be around me but they're still a million times easier than they were when they were younger.

Mine are 5 and 7 and def easier for the last year or so, at weekends we let them just get up and go downstairs and watch tv while we lie in!
Once they are in bed the eldest will read himself and the younger one is nearly there.
And during the day they will either play computer games or lego for hours given the chance.
I’m lucky that they are a pair close in age but still think it must get better for most around 5. At 4 we we were still woken regularly at night.

Mine are 3.5 and nearly 6. I wouldn’t say weekends are exactly relaxing, but they can get up together and watch tv for a bit on a morning. They both sleep all night. They play with each other. One parent can supervise both of them quite easily so the other parent gets an actual break. If we meet friends with similar age kids then they disappear off and we can sit and chill. So yeah it has improved a lot since last year and vastly since the youngest was 15m, even if it’s not particularly restful the whole time