At what age does a weekend feel like a ‘break’ when you have kids?

[kalokoli]

We’ve got a 15 month old and pretty full on jobs, and at the end of the week the weekend just feels like more hard work! In some ways when it gets to Monday it feels like we’re getting more of a rest going back to work!

It might be worse because of Covid and how little there is to do at the moment, and also we think our son potentially isn’t the easiest child. We get lots of moments of real joy from him but he’s also extremely quick to cry and scream if we do anything other than intensely interact with him eg unloading the dishwasher or other household tasks or even just chatting to each other for a few minutes. And he screams in the car and will often have meltdowns if we try to go out for more than an hour or so on eg a nice country walk which means we tend to just hang around the house. Hard to tell if this is just normal baby/toddler behaviour though as we don’t know any others!

We try to do shifts so that we each get some time off to ourselves at the weekend, but really we’d like to spend time all together as a family but have it actually feel like a restful break after a week of work rather than be exhausted at the end of it! This is probably wishful thinking for the immediate future but we were wondering at what age it might start to feel like the weekend is actually a break and you end it feeling ready for the week ahead?!

Mine are 4 and 10 now, and it's definitely easier now. The 4yo is pretty full on but the 10yo is happy to entertain himself and chats with friends for most of the weekend. It helps that the older one will go downstairs and turn the tv on for the little one in the mornings, so we do get a bit of a lie in.

The older one didn't sleep through the night until he was 6 and his wake up time, without fail, was 4.30am. As a toddler he was a nightmare tbh and I dreaded the weekends. I was on my knees for a while but it does get better.

We tend to take them out to the park or if we go for a walk, there's something at the end of it (like a play park or an ice cream) so they don't complain all the way. Pre-Covid we'd go with another family with children or similar ages and that definitely distracts them.

You say you don't know anyone else with a child of a similar age, I was the same until DS1 was 3 - it's worth looking at some of the mum meet-up apps like Mush. I met my closest friend via Netmums. 7 years on, we've been camping together with the children and on so many day trips. My DC are boys, hers are girls aged 6 and 10 but they all get on so well and the older two have always done. My DH and her DH are also good friends now too. It definitely helps when you know someone else is going through the same sort of thing.

Once you let them have Fortnite.

Mine are between 2-7 yaers old and it is definitely a lot easier now than for example when youngest was a baby.

When they can come down and turn on the telly by themselves? 😁
But seriously I think it depends if you have kids that are happy playing by themselves/with siblings and entertaining themselves. Our youngest is 5 and although I still have to think about making sure she gets enough fresh air and exercise, she is happy playing and watching TV and playing with sisters

Mine are 12, 9 and 5. Weekends feel like a break here, but we do use telly for at least 1.5-2 hrs in the morning to achieve a restful start. 12 year old has reached teenage sleep levels, but the 9 & 5 year olds get up about 6.30-7 & go watch TV. We have tea in bed & read the papers before getting up around 8.30-9 to make breakfast (fry up Saturday, pancakes Sunday). Then we basically potter around for the rest of the weekend - it feels okay. But I think the leisurely start is a big part of that.

I was a sahm so weekends had the advantage of a second pair of hands.

I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but I didn't get my weekends back until kids went to university. Ok I'm obviously a soft touch and one of mine has asd but whilst the workload changes, weekends aren't a rest. I hired a weekly cleaner so less housework, a monthly gardener to reduce that but still Saturdays and Sundays the alarm went off because they needed taking to orchestra, football, choir, lessons etc. Dd was 20 and I still was taking her Sundays because no public transport until 10.30am here.

The upshot is you can send them to rake leaves, walk the dog and even fetch you wine (once they are 18 of course) and if you want to go away you can leave them (with money for taxis)

DS is nearly 3 and I was thinking this weekend how much easier it's become. I actually managed to read a book in the garden for HALF HOUR while DS happily played with his cars - incredible.

It's still tiring for sure, and some days are more full on than others. But if we go for a walk it's more enjoyable now, or if we meet friends I can actually chat and catch up with them without a screaming child who needs constant attention. Still a long way to go but it's certainly become easier in the past few months after a year of hell

Like others, I would say around 6 is the turning point.
Mine are 13, 11, and 8 and life is quite easy now in regards to them. DH and I are often at a loose end at the weekends. I suspect it's the calm before the teen storm though.

When they stay with their father

Mine are 9 and nearly 12 - nearly 12 year old has some mild SEN and is pretty demanding but I think will be much more independent within the next couple of years. So I think my weekends will soon become more chilled and no doubt I will actually miss them! Widowed parent and I’ve done it all alone or with a very ill DH for eight years.

I can't remember when it started; certainly, once ours were 6 and 5 and they could come down on their own in the mornings and make their own cereal, that made a huge difference. Even younger than that, they would have been much lower maintenance than a 15 month old! Now they're 10 and 9 and weekends are lovely, particularly in good weather when they go out adventuring in the garden and we barely see them!

I understand how you feel, it's hard work at that age. I think everyone with a toddler and a job enjoys monday mornings!

tunnocksreturns2019 I remember you, hope those chilled weekends come soon for you.

Mine are 7.5 and 5, and can get their own breakfast now, which is a blessing. They can turn the TV on too so at the weekends they don't actually need us to get up at the same time as them, but it doesn't stop them coming in to give us endless updates/ask questions/get their ice-cold feet I to bed with us 😁

We've definite noticed a change over the past year though - they'll now play card and.board games without us, will spend ages in their room doing shows or Lego (they have to be in the right mood, though!), and will play outside with little input from us too.

I think the key for is is whether the you get one is in the right mood to be bossed about - of he's not feeling too mutinous then they can amuse themselves for ages! If he's feeling a bit more rebellious then they bicker and require more adjudication.

Overall though, I'd say weekends are much more relaxing now because along with the above, packing for a day out doesn't take quite so much prep/military precision - it's mainly just water, satsumas and cereal bars!

5 & 7 here and we get to chill a bit on weekends... not hours on end, but they can entertain themselves for an hour or so so I can sit and have a coffee and read the paper. After that, we're pretty busy with garden jobs at the minute and they potter along with us or wander off and do their own thong, so it doesn't feel like they're preventing us doing what we would want

Mine are 4&6 and I often look bemused at my lovely boss when he asks about weekend plans and hopes I have a relaxing couple of days off. Sometimes I do point out that for me the working week is relaxing!

6 and 4 here and would say we have just reached the point. I think the key but is when they can be left in a room to play. 15 months is tough as you always have to be ‘on it’ and they won’t sit and watch a family film together. If I’m honest I loved going to work on a Monday.

The other say my husband and I read a paper with a coffee together, it was only for 30mins but still glorious!!

Mine are 6 & 8 and not there yet! But I have a good friend whose kids are now 12 and 14 and her weekends are proper relaxing, her kids tend to just hang out with their own friends.

12 year old here and I love the weekends but they don’t feel like a proper break as this is the only time I can do the shopping, proper cleaning, ironing etc so it is often busier than the weekdays.

For me around 4 both times. I would work on independent play with him if he needs constant 1 to 1 it's unlikely to change much until older. Even if he crys he needs to learn that you have things to do and he can't always have your full attention.

My kids are 4.5 and 9 they are both doing their own thing while I watch TV. It does happen eventually

Thanks so much for everyone’s replies. Sounds like it might start to get easier around 4/5 although that sort of depends on him remaining an only child! What this thread has made me realise is that it’s definitely worth trying to work on helping him enjoy ‘independent play’ as he gets older. Might have a read around for some tips on how to do that.

Like everyone has said it does get a lot easier than having a 15 month old. But a ‘break’? Mine are now 18 and 14 and it isn’t a break. I drive them around a lot and one has a hobby which takes up many whole days at the weekends, not to mention evenings. And they need taking and collecting from part time jobs and friends. They still need feeding, though one loves baking that means she is often in the kitchen when I want to batch cook for the week. And they often stay up later than me! While we all take turns watching what we want on the telly, I will be so relieved when my younger one grows out of Saturday Night Takeaway as I can’t stand it! They are good kids but having them has changed the dynamic for ever, which is as it should be, but does have it’s challenges. Still, in 4 years time, I may have a very quiet house I can do what I like in, at least until the holidays.

Mine are 9, 4 and 19 months. The 9 year old can entertain himself much more now and goes out a lot with friends. He had autism and ADHD so is not and had never been an easy child but does like watching TV or playing with friends now. Weekends are still not rests for us though due too the age of the younger kids.

I would say the 4.5 year old will now happily watch TV in his room for an hour now though.

And yes, I think independent play does help, though some kids find this easier to do than others I think persevering is a good idea. My eldest was happy to play independently from a young age but my youngest much less so.

Mine are 13, 11 and 9 and I've noticed in the past year that weekends do actually feel mostly restful. I think it depends on personality as well though. Two of mine are very extroverted, noisier and more demanding. Now they are older they just go out with their mates. The third is a classic introvert and you wouldn't know he's here half the time as he's happy in his room quietly doing his own thing.