Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

[Eastie77]

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

How weird ....Presume your child wanted a snack and shared ... that’s what I’d expect my kids to do ... and I’d expect a 10 year old to know not to accept a snack if they had allergies .

He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

If he doesn’t want his DC eating anything then he needs to keep an eye on his own child and tell the child not to eat anything. Why is he making this your responsibility?

@VienneseWhirligig

He's old enough at 10 to decline the crisps if he knows he isn't allowed them. She wasn't forcing him.

This.

And LoL at a child not eating lunch because he had two crisps from a bag shared between several kids.

Crazy - my 4 and 7 year olds are able to take responsibility for themselves. If offered snacks they know they need to check if its close to a mealtime.
I live in a world where I teach my kids to share and offer and despite what seems to happen in the strange world of mumsnet I will not be teaching them that they can't do that because other kids don't know if they have an allergy.
Funnily enough the one child we know with a very serious anaphylactic allergy who has to carry around one of those pens is well versed in saying no thanks until my mum can check its safe.
Even my 4 year old who is intolerant to milk takes great delight in declining milk or smoothie drinks because 'it gives me diarrhea!!!'
I probably wouldn't reply to the text but I'd certainly be telling the parent when I saw them in person that my kids will not be held responsible for an older kids food intake...

Well, his ds is old enough to say no, do not your problem. Next time, the df can watch them, ungrateful twat. I don’t think eating a few crisps out him off his lunch, it was probably a crap lunch.

Apologise then add to avoid future problems can you supervise them.

She needs to tell her ds not to accept food, not try to tell your dd to stop offering

God almighty some of these responses. 😂

My friends and I used to sneak into each others kitchens when our mum's weren't looking and take whatever we thought we could get away with. One of my friends was allergic to dairy, but knew what she could and couldn't eat. We were about 10/11 at the time.

His child, his rules... fair enough. But to tell you off for your daughter being well bought up and kind enough to share her snack is ridiculous. It's his job to uphold his rules not yours.

And as others have said at age 10, I had pocket money once a week to walk up to the shop and buy sweets. Somehow I made it to adult hood with such fool hardy, neglectful parents. Interestingly after said sweets I also managed to eat my tea too.

He needs to teach his DS to say no rather than relying on anyone else not to offer his snacks.

This ^

I wouldn’t want to teach my DC not to share.

My child has an allergy and is 6 I am constantly telling him he must check with me before eating. If he took the crisps from your dd I would be annoyed at him for not checking. As a back up I have also told parents of neighbours children about allergy in the hope that the remember if handing out snacks but the first safety rule I'd for my child. Do not eat snacks without asking me until you are old enough to check yourself.

Also my children are taught to share it is rude to eat crisps in front of friends and not offer one. Neighbours child must say no if they are not allowed.

I'd respond my dd wasn't supposed to be taking snacks out at that time but I can't tell my dd to share with everyone but your child. That would be like bullying. I will have to leave it to you to keep an eye on him to makw sure he isn't eating between meals.

I’d be very worried if I received that. Either the child has medial issues or the parents are very controlling over food. And denying him food.

I’ve never met a healthy ten year old lad who cannot eat lunch becayse they had a handful of crisps. So either there is a hidden medical issue or the parents are extremely controlling to the level it’s bordering on abusive

Tell him to supervise his own child

How big was the bag of crisps? A bag between three of them is hardly going to fill him up!

I would want to clarify with the neighbour what the understanding is about who is supervising the children when they are playing out.
If it's you or in your garden, then fair enough you should be on top of that. If it's in a communal area or public space then it really is none of your business what your neighbour's child does and doesn't eat and it is also none of their business what your child eats. They need to supervise their own child better. It is natural and kind to share food with your companions so I think your daughter is a sweetie.

He's a proper loser.

I havent read the whole thing but I would be upset of someone gave me DS random food. My reason is that he has 5 allergies including ones that are in alot of commercially prepared foods.

In the situation you've described it does
Sound quite ott. I'm very surprised a kid wouldn't eat their lunch because they had a third of a packet of crisps.

It's a 10 year old, not an animal at the zoo. He's well able to refuse the snack if it's not something he's allowed. Pay the parent no mind.

I wouldn’t respond. He’s being mad but it will just escalate if you do. Delete the text and move on. I wouldn’t remind your daughter beyond the general rule she’s supposed to ask re snacks - it’s not her fault the neighbour is bonkers. Other PPs comments re children with allergies are OTT I think - these are 10 year olds - they need to start having autonomy and that includes saying no when they aren’t meant to have something.

Your neighbour sounds abit over the top and slightly petty - I'm pretty sure a few crisps wouldn't fill his son up so much he couldn't eat his meal..I would peobablt text back but keep it polite & non defensive...something along the lines of " I'm sure you understand I can't watch her every second, xxxxxx is allowed snacks so when she gets something from the kitchen, I assume she's eating it for herself. I will mention it to her of course and obviously you will have already spoken with your son about not accepting any snacks off her in future - kids, hey!"

What a control freak! Your daughter kindly shared her bag of crisps. I’m sure the neighbour would have something to say if his child went home crying because your dad shared with the other children and not him! Just ignore it OP

DD*

I don't see how this is your responsibility. If he doesn't want his son eating between meals he needs to tell him that. If he can't be trusted not to follow that rule then maybe he shouldn't be allowed out to play without constant adult supervision- from his own parent. Unless he's in your garden it's not up to you to keep an eye on him. Sounds like your daughter was just being kind and sharing a snack, obviously a word about being mindful of allergies would be a good idea but that's all.