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Original poster

Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

555 replies

Eastie77 · 03/04/2021 13:12

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

OP posts:
HerMammy · 03/04/2021 23:25

They are allowed to help themselves to fruit, but not unhealthy snacks
If they’re unhealthy why have them 🤣
The rigid lives some MNers lead.

andoutofhere · 03/04/2021 23:27

The world has actually gone mad. How is this even a thing?

Elsiebear90 · 03/04/2021 23:32

I would reply back saying “or you could teach your son not to eat things he knows he’s not supposed to?”. He’s 10 not 3, if he knows he’s not allowed snacks between meals he should have said no, that’s on him and his son, not your child who was being polite.

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DookaDakkaDikku · 03/04/2021 23:43

I think the crisps are a red herring. Maybe his lunch was horrible Grin Sounds like it would have been along very healthy lines ie not always what kids fancy eating.

Lollypop701 · 03/04/2021 23:49

Crisps vs a salad... at 10 I’d be telling dad I was too full too 😂 there’s no way a handful of crisps have made a difference to not eating lunch, bets if he was getting a maccys he be eating it. Yes no crisps should hsvd been stolen, but then... kids! I’d tell neighbor you will discuss with your child, but he needs to discuss with his because your child’s manners mean she has been taught to share. Not your circus op

burnedout · 03/04/2021 23:51

"
I have told DD before not to share out snacks due to allergies etc.
"

Putting aside everything else in this thread --- this bit really matters.

Thank you very much for teaching DD this. Please make sure she understands it and the importance of it.

Your daughter understanding this might save someone's life.

Bringing up a child with severe allergies in a society (not UK) that doesn't really 'believe' in allergies is terrifying.

It sounds like you have taught your DD the right thing, and that she ignored you on this occasion. Please focus on this message, it could save a child's life one day.

SeaShoreGalore · 03/04/2021 23:56

Nobody's allergic to crisps!

puginamug · 04/04/2021 00:03

@Mrsfrumble

DD has no idea her friend has this issue. Why should she? His medical issues aren't her business.

But YOU know, so presumably you wouldn’t let a situation arise where your child could offer her friend food. The neighbour clearly sees the OP as being responsible for his son while he is playing with OP’s daughter, so if there’s a medical reason why the boy can’t have snacks, it’s only fair for him to let the OP know in advance.

I ended up taking one of my DS’s classmates along on a day out as a last minute favour to his parents, who I don’t know well. They didn’t send any food with him and mentioned nothing about dietary restrictions, so I had no idea he had allergies until we were standing in a shop buying snacks! Thankfully the child was old enough to tell me what he could and couldn’t eat, but I was annoyed that his parents hadn’t let me know. In that situation, would I have been responsible for feeding him something that made him ill?

This makes me think of the friend who sent her child for a sleepover at our house without telling us they were allergic to cats and 'forgetting to pack' his asthma inhaler Hmm
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/04/2021 00:15

This makes me think of the friend who sent her child for a sleepover at our house without telling us they were allergic to cats and 'forgetting to pack' his asthma inhaler

We had that too. DD's friend who I knew since she was a baby and spent a lot of time at our house. Kid developed a nut allergy bad enough that she had epi pens. Did mum bother to tell me or pack the epi pen? Did she fuck. It's just by luck nothing I fed her that day caused a reaction.

tricky29 · 04/04/2021 00:19

@Stoppissingonmyheather

This sounds familiar I know a dad who is remarried has child at weekends and apparantly the mother let's him eat utter shite and he refuses to eat most things this drives dad crazy and he blames mums shit parenting rather than accepting child is super fussy or has other issue. He makes a bit of a deal out of it all and moans about it making it into an even bigger issue than it should ever be. He had said he will not allow crisps choc etc cos child won't eat dinner and prefers the junk. I can well imagine him being this self righteous parent thinking he is being a good parent but actually making everything worse and the kid blaming the crisps on why he won't eat his dinner. But maybe this kid has other issues like allergies. I would just say my child likes to share but I will explain to her that your child is not allowed for some reason.
I’ve seen this a few times. It’s a stick to beat the other parent with. Nothing to do with the child. Really upsetting.
Anon778833 · 04/04/2021 00:20

The neighbour is a joyless saddo.

MintyMabel · 04/04/2021 00:24

but there is absolutely nothing to indicate he has kind of disability or MH issue that affects his impulse control. If he had a serious, life threatening allergy to crisps

You wouldn't know by talking to him or interacting. And it's not an allergy.

But sure, just keep assuming you know better and the father has no right not to ask you to not feed his own son, who he knows better than you.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/04/2021 00:26

@MintyMabel

but there is absolutely nothing to indicate he has kind of disability or MH issue that affects his impulse control. If he had a serious, life threatening allergy to crisps

You wouldn't know by talking to him or interacting. And it's not an allergy.

But sure, just keep assuming you know better and the father has no right not to ask you to not feed his own son, who he knows better than you.

If the father is that worried he can supervise his kid. It's that simple.
MintyMabel · 04/04/2021 00:28

Not her business but also not her job to police whether the friend shares a snack.

But it is her job to police her own child, who the OP says is not allowed to take food and share it.

chaosrabbitland · 04/04/2021 00:28

oh dear op , uptight arses like this would be enough to make me not want to bother having my dd play with this kid again , which is sad as thats not the way its meant to be , im so laid back that in your situation it would never occur to me to send a text like that to a parent if my dd had left some of her lunch becos a kid she played with shared a snack , id actually be embaressed to . i can understand why you have the hump with it . i think this poor kid is going to wind up a bit friendless if his dad carrys on like this , i think biscuitsdisappear had given you the right reply to send back to him if you really want to respond though

Ikeatears · 04/04/2021 00:59

Still astounded that anyone would think the op's daughter was in the wrong. Well, she took the snack without permission but after that, she was just sharing a bag of crisps with her friend.
This other child will be in high school soon. The absolute craziness of some of the outrage at kids playing out and sharing snacks is mind boggling!

FortunesFave · 04/04/2021 01:56

@Ikeatears

Still astounded that anyone would think the op's daughter was in the wrong. Well, she took the snack without permission but after that, she was just sharing a bag of crisps with her friend. This other child will be in high school soon. The absolute craziness of some of the outrage at kids playing out and sharing snacks is mind boggling!
totally! the babying that goes on astounds me! No wonder my 16 year old DD has mates who have never caught a bus or train alone!
SD1978 · 04/04/2021 02:41

At ten- teach your kid to say no. It's bloody ridiculous getting an adult who wasn't even involved, involved after the fact. And if four crisps stopped him eating his lunch- also not your issue. At ten kids are old enough to say yes or no- regardless of your daughter pinching them from the kitchen. Wouldn't get involved myself, as I'd probably escalate it by saying the above to the other parent!!!

Remaker · 04/04/2021 02:59

If people want to be excessively controlling about their child’s food intake that is up to them but they can’t expect everyone else to police it for them.

At 10 he is old enough to know what the rules are in his own house. It is their child that has done the wrong thing by breaking the rules, not you or your DD.

Anon778833 · 04/04/2021 04:36

@Remaker

If people want to be excessively controlling about their child’s food intake that is up to them but they can’t expect everyone else to police it for them.

At 10 he is old enough to know what the rules are in his own house. It is their child that has done the wrong thing by breaking the rules, not you or your DD.

Quite. I suppose the other possibility is that this neighbour is one of those people that wants to bleach everything that comes into the house because of Covid.
SuperintendentHastings · 04/04/2021 07:05

But sure, just keep assuming you know better and the father has no right not to ask you to not feed his own son, who he knows better than you.

@MintyMabel did you not understand what happened or did you not read the op properly? The son took food offered to him by the OPs daughter that he wasn't allowed to have. He's ten. Pretty sure that she didn't force feed the crisps to the lad, he accepted her offer to share. How anyone can blame anyone else is ridiculous.

Mylovelyhorsee · 04/04/2021 07:06

I always feel sorry for the kids who can’t snack between meals!

SuperintendentHastings · 04/04/2021 07:07

Steady on @Mylovelyhorsee you'll have someone coming along to blame you for childhood obesity any second ... Grin

Mylovelyhorsee · 04/04/2021 07:13

Haha very true @SuperintendentHastings

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 04/04/2021 07:15

your neighbour is rude.

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