Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

[Eastie77]

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

Sorry quoted the wrong this!
My post was to agree with safeguarding concerns.

I'd reply shit happens they're 10 and don't need supervising 100 percent. It's only a bag of crisps.

I've lost count the amount of meals dd hasn't eaten because of snacks when with others. That's life. It happens.. She's eaten it may not be healthy but she's not hungry!

Must have been a hell of a lot of crisps to put him off his lunch. I encourage my kids to share, and will feed their friends lunch if I’m feeding mine (their parents do the same), it’s part of being friends and your kids having friendship. If we’re meeting friends at the park and I’m taking a snack for my kids I’ll include one for their friends too - I think the parent is nuts.

It is the other parent's responsibility , I was a diabetic child and was certainly saying no to offers of food long before 10. My mother would certainly have not made the other child responsible. It is the parent of the boy responsibility to teach him to say no. Honestly, 10 year old are not babies from 7 years old I was injecting myself and making food choices.

I think it's lovely when children enjoy sharing. You have a kind child with good manners op.

Poor kid having such a sanctimonious boring twat for a father.

Ask him to tell his DS not to accept any offered snacks.

sunnydaysareheretostay

Poor kid having such a sanctimonious boring twat for a father

THIS

I think the dad is lying about the child not eating the lunch. He is just pissed off that the child ate 3 crisps without his permission.

Sounds like a laugh a minute in their house; 3 meals per day and that’s it 🙄
There’s been times when I’ve had 10 kids in my garden eating ice lollies, crisps and juice. I wouldn’t dream of giving mine snacks and excluding other kids, just rude.

I didn't restrict my kids from sharing, I always had snacks in. I only asked them to let me know what they'd taken so I could think about the shopping list.

This still seems quite like control freakery to me.

@MintyMabel

but if someone came into my room during my break and I was about to eat a biscuit, of course I offered them one! If you only had one for yourself?

One biscuit? No. But the OP's DD didn't have one crisp, she had a packet of them. A sharing sized packet.

That text would have annoyed me too. You have probably replied by now, hopefully had some good ideas on here and managed to hit just the right note. I assumed the boy was around 4 or something! The father is being ridiculous, I don't like the sound of him one bit.

I laughed at this, really wouldn’t worry about it

I’d be cross that she took the crisps in the first place tbh. It’s not the way we do things in my house. They are allowed to help themselves to fruit, but not unhealthy snacks.

I mean, if it was every day then fair enough, but I do think we have to remember that children are not robots and that, on occasion, they might do something that's not 'allowed'. Have a conversation about it by all means, but I don't understand being 'cross' about stuff like this.

@Annie188

I think it's lovely when children enjoy sharing. You have a kind child with good manners op.

I think so too, it's sweet. I hope she doesn't feel too crestfallen after the father's intervention (stupid man). I wonder what he does when his boy goes out to parties and visits at other children's houses, he can't police that. There's nothing wrong with having the odd packet of crisps, it would only be a problem if you lived on them!

A little of what you fancy does you good.

This sounds bonkers to me. I’ve always told mine to offer/share it’s polite. It wouldn’t dawn on me to tell my kids not to. On the other hand I’ve always told mine to decline politely if a snack/meal is coming up (not sure they listen though).

If the other child has allergies/issues with food then they need to teach them.

Just sounds so weird to me and just not like any other parent I know! I often text a parent and say ‘I’m making tea, can s/he have some’ but if it was half a bag of crisps or a biscuit I wouldn’t think it was a big deal.

I wouldn’t text back...I’d just ignore it because it’s such a non-event to me.

If there’s an underlying reason then the onus is on the other parent to let you know, surely?

OP you are thinking right to not answering back, let it go, as you said you can talk to her face to face which is better. You have a good heart

OP has already said she has spoken with her child about taking the crisps.
As far as the other child's father is concerned, I would ask shy he thought my 8 year old should be responsible for his 10 year child's decision to have a snack he knows isn't allowed and why OP is responsible for monitoring the behaviour of these children. If a 10 year old is responsible enough to be allowed out to play, then they are old enough to take responsibility for their choices. If they are unable to do so, then, IMO, they are not old enough to be allowed out without parental supervision.

@Cherrysherbet

I wouldn’t be happy about my kids taking food without asking first.

IF I had given permission for them to take the crisps, then I would have said ‘yes, ok but make sure you share’.

I’d be cross that she took the crisps in the first place tbh. It’s not the way we do things in my house. They are allowed to help themselves to fruit, but not unhealthy snacks.

Oh dear. I thought the MN mantra was that fruit has so much sugar that unlimited amounts are actually unhealthy?

@Neversleepingever - thank you, will try to memorise those lines when I see the dad tomorrow!

@Eastie77 funnily enough, I went to the dentist yesterday and he told me that I needed to eat LESS fruit because it was starting to damage the enamel on my teeth! So ... Mars bars it is! 😂

His son isn’t allowed to snack to a point he can’t share a few crisps with his mates?

Eating disorder waiting to happen that is.

@SuperintendentHastings I heard the same. I also took DD for a checkup shortly before lockdown and was mortified that she had a cavity. Dentist said fruit / dried fruit could well be to blame. She doesn't really eat many sweets, esp since we discovered Haribo turns both her and her brother batshit!

Nice of your kid to share tbh. Eyeroll,a quick 'ok' in response and forget it would be all I would do.

This sounds familiar I know a dad who is remarried has child at weekends and apparantly the mother let's him eat utter shite and he refuses to eat most things this drives dad crazy and he blames mums shit parenting rather than accepting child is super fussy or has other issue. He makes a bit of a deal out of it all and moans about it making it into an even bigger issue than it should ever be. He had said he will not allow crisps choc etc cos child won't eat dinner and prefers the junk. I can well imagine him being this self righteous parent thinking he is being a good parent but actually making everything worse and the kid blaming the crisps on why he won't eat his dinner. But maybe this kid has other issues like allergies. I would just say my child likes to share but I will explain to her that your child is not allowed for some reason.