Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

[Eastie77]

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

I wouldn't have thought it was up to your 8 year old daughter to police a 10year olds eating habits. The dad should spend his time making sure his kid knows to refuse snacks rather than asking others to do his parenting for him.

YANBU. Tell him if he wants his son parented to do some parenting, instead of leaving his son to wander about to be parented by women who live nearby.

YANBU

If I had an issue with this, then I'd either supervise my kid or drum into them not to accept food from anyone.

Jesus Christ - he's implying its your and your DDs role to police his son's eating?! Definitely tell him that any extra supervision needs to come from him rather than you. And don't apologise that your dd gave them to him - sharing is a good thing!

What a fool!
Kids were probably starving.
Crisps don’t really fill anyone up.
The boy probably didn’t like what was made, hence him not eating it

I’d say “it’s not my responsibility to make sure your kid isn’t snacking between meals” your daughter was being kind. I’d tell him to piss off

Reminds me of children’s birthday parties we used to hold, a few of friends were not allowed any chocolate / sugar at home were the worst and used to lick all the icing /flakes off all the fairy cakes without eating the cakes ( used to really annoy me as it was such a waste) as they were so desperate to get some sugar...it completely messed them up.

Oh god I remember this from my kids' 5th birthday I think it was. It got a bit out of hand (we invited the entire class, and every single one of them turned up, so 17 kids) and at one point I found one of the "we don't eat sweets at home" kids wandering around in some sort of sugar coma, hand gripped tightly around a multipack of funsized gummy bear bags that I'd been planning to use as prizes in a game. I couldn't prise it out of her hand! My OH managed to tempt her to drop it in favour of a Kinder egg...

Who the hell said 'random foods'? It was a bag of crisps - he wasn't sat gnawing on a bloody shark fin...

@MintyMabel
Kids playing out can't share snacks with their friends now?

If a child is at my house, I never offer them snacks or sweets without checking what their parents would think about that. It’s good manners to consider others.

It was also good manners of the OP's DD to offer to share her snack!

Surely this is all part of learning to be social human beings. Learning when to say no, learning when to say yes, being responsible for your own behaviour.

I can't believe people saying they don't offer things to other children at home.

It's not crack.

If a child comes to my house they are going to be offered a fucking biscuit.

It was also good manners of the OP's DD to offer to share her snack!

The snack she took without her mother's permission?

I'm actually not a fan of children being made to feel everything they have with other children. Do you share your snacks at work with your colleagues?

Yes I would!

I mean not if it was a single serving but I would always offer someone something from, for example a packet of biscuits- I'd probably even offer someone a crisp even if it was a small bag.

What about when you're in the pub and open a bag of crisps out in the middle of the table!

Bloody hell, the dad needs to get a grip; his 10 year old son will be a 12 year old boy, then a teenager soon, good luck telling a growing boy that he’s not allowed snacks between meals
It was crisps, not drugs, and it was polite and kind of your daughter to share.

How sad that this is an issue, I'm glad I was a child when I was, and sharing was second nature and not a big deal.

Do you share your snacks at work with your colleagues?

😂😂😂 NO! NEVER! They’re all MINE!😂😂😂

I've spoken to this child many times. I may not 'know' him but as far as I can tell he is NT. He is a bright, articulate boy and there is no reason to suppose he would not have been able to tell DD if he was allergic to crisps.

You can tell by looking, which kids are NT? Wow. Best offer yourself to CAMHS they could do with your amazing powers of observation.

It's isn't just about allergies. DD has a friend who is also a bright boy. But he is under MH services because he has absolutely no impulse control and for the most part this manifests itself around food. I only know this because I know his mum well. Him snacking is a real problem.

Not everything is as it seems. But, sure, blame the other parent or the boy for the issue when it would be the easiest thing in the world just to say "oops, I'll make sure DD doesn't do this again"

@MintyMabel, " Do I share my snacks with my colleagues ?"
Well , it's a little different with Covid, but generally if we are all having lunch in staff room I wouldn't. However if I was eating a large bag of sweets/crisps etc, or opening a pack of biscuits or punnet of fruit , yes I would!

I’ve shared with my colleagues. If they said something smells nice, then they can have a taste if they wish.

If they came to work without anything and were hungry, then we go halfies.

In my forces days, it wouldn’t have occurred to us not to share. Some had more appetite than others.

I don’t think it odd. Sorry.

I’ve never felt forced to share. Just that it was nice to share.

I’m more annoyed at the bloke demanding that OP ensures she keeps an eye on his son and what he eats.

@MintyMabel

It was also good manners of the OP's DD to offer to share her snack!

The snack she took without her mother's permission?

I'm actually not a fan of children being made to feel everything they have with other children. Do you share your snacks at work with your colleagues?

Don't you?

Yep, I offered stuff around when I was at work. Not my actual lunch, but if someone came into my room during my break and I was about to eat a biscuit, of course I offered them one!

Do I share my snacks with my colleagues ? "Well , it's a little different with Covid, but generally if we are all having lunch in staff room I wouldn't. However if I was eating a large bag of sweets/crisps etc, or opening a pack of biscuits or punnet of fruit , yes I would! This was an pack of crisps. Would you share that? Why should kids do it?

Your daughter is lovely for sharing - sounds like they had fun morning x

but if someone came into my room during my break and I was about to eat a biscuit, of course I offered them one!
If you only had one for yourself?

presumably OP does know this boy, and probably would have mentioned if he had a disability meaning he cannot refuse a snack?

DD has no idea her friend has this issue. Why should she? His medical issues aren't her business.

I wouldn't offer to share with my work colleagues but I would share with my friends family and housemates because that's a sign of friendship! He's being a dick and in a year or so he's going to have to realise he can't police everything his child does.
Your dd sounds lovely and I'm glad to hear of kids playing out in such a normal way

How funny! I expect my children to share, it's good manners isn't it!!