Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

[Eastie77]

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

Unless there are medical issues, this is just prick behaviour.

I'd be tempted to reply, oh, doesn't ds know he isn't allowed to eat between meals? But then it's not worth pissing off neighbours.

And he needs to supervise the child if he wants to micromanage to that extent.

He needs to be supervising his own kid instead putting the onus on you. I'd be annoyed with his text too.

While the text is sort of fine - she is rude to make it your responsibility - she needs to stop her own child and supervise them if that is what she wants not you

However I hate to burst your bubble but just because crisps are “posh” it doesn’t make them healthier than the likes of Walkers.

My gosh, posh crisps not any healthier!!!
My bubble is well & truly burst, I thought they were at least 3 of my 5 a day....
Thanks for enlightening me

@MiddleParking

God, that would irritate me. I’d maybe say something like “can’t promise that I’m afraid, I’m happy for her to have snacks and share so any extra supervision will need to come from your end!”

This. At 10 it's his kids responsibility to say no. It wouldn't be very nice for your kid to have a snack and not offer anyone else

I'd reply with a 'yes I will remind dd not to share and perhaps you can remind your ds he is not allowed to snack'

Wow I would be fuming at that snotty text message. Absolutely fuming. You need to text him back and say you will speak to your daughter and remind her not to share snack with his son, but would suggest that he needs to speak to his son about not accepting snacks - as it’s clearly such a massive deal! Also why is it down to you to watch what’s going on - if he’s that concerned why doesn’t he keep an eye on his own child why is it your responsibility? 10 is well old enough to decline a snack. He need to get a grip! Did this happen in your house/garden? Or was it outside in the street? I would definitely reply and say your bit, who does he think he is sending condescending messages like that? He’s annoyed me and I don’t even know him ! 😆😆😆

“It’s not my job to police your kid. If he can’t manage to resist a few crisps when he knows he’s not allowed to eat between meals then you shouldn’t be allowing him out on the streets by himself.”

She has a point but really, she should loosen up. And my kids were fed very healthily the majority of the time.

Yeah I would be like that's fine I told DD not to give our food even though sharing is caring but maybe you could ask your kid to decline...IN THE FUTURE as you were as you were hahahah

Out*

I like what @SMabbutt but I'd tweek it slightly:

Hi [David,] I can't ask [Rosie] to offer to share with everyone but only socially exclude [David Jr.] That would be targeted bullying. I will have to leave it to you to keep an eye on him to make sure he isn't eating between meals. It might also be worth ensuring [David Jr] knows he can always refuse any kind offerings of snacks from his friends.

If he's 10 surely your neighbour needs to be telling his own kid not to accept snacks if they are offered. Why should it be your or your child's responsibility. If they were younger I'd agree with the neighbour but not at bloody 10!

I think @Neversleepingever has a great message. I wouldn't be saying I'll have a word with DD unless you are going to stop her sharing.

If he's that concerned about his kid not eating between meals, HE should be supervising better.

FFS "10 yo ate crisps" shocker...he needs to get a life. The level of control people want to have over their kids these days is scary.

Ignore and don't respond.

YANBU a 10 year old is allowed to make their own food choices. Sounds like controlling behaviour from the parent and totally OTT over a single shared bag of crisps!
Of course you cannot guarantee what their DC will do when in the company of your DC in future.

I doubt he ate more than about 3 crisps if they was sharing, sounds like paremt is a control freak with food and child probably doesn't like it.

Neversleepingagain has just written the perfect text, send that to the div and see what you get back 😆

If I was the OP I’d be really cross at the suggestion that it was up to my 8yo DD to police his 10yo DS.

He should be encouraging his child to take responsibility for his own behaviour rather than deflecting blame on to a younger child. I’d be embarrassed if my 10yo boy tried to blame an 8yo for him having eaten something he shouldn’t have!

My take is pp's daughter is lovely for sharing her food, and the neighbour is being precious.

@Bluntness100

I’d be very worried if I received that. Either the child has medial issues or the parents are very controlling over food. And denying him food.

I’ve never met a healthy ten year old lad who cannot eat lunch becayse they had a handful of crisps. So either there is a hidden medical issue or the parents are extremely controlling to the level it’s bordering on abusive

I am so glad one other person said this at least.

David prezsler
Gabriel Fernandez
Daniel pelka

All famous cases where the child can't eat snacks because of 'dietary needs' or stealing etc. Teachers even being told not to feed them. It might be my safeguarding training but my ears pricked up at this! I'm surprised more people aren't seeing a little red flag developing here based on the info in the OP (unless there's a massive drip feed that the family is good friends and they know the ins and outs) It made me feel a bit sick reading it tbh. If it were me I'd at the very least be keeping an eye on the boy.

Alternatively he could teach his boy to say no thank you to offered snacks. The kid's 10, not 3. But why bother doing that when there's a woman nearby who can do some parenting for you eh.

@dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby

YANBU a 10 year old is allowed to make their own food choices. Sounds like controlling behaviour from the parent and totally OTT over a single shared bag of crisps! Of course you cannot guarantee what their DC will do when in the company of your DC in future.

^This, that boy is going to go completely mad when he is at high school, buying his own food at the corner shop / canteen if this is the level of control he faces ! What a control freak parent he has, poor kid.

Reminds me of children’s birthday parties we used to hold, a few of friends were not allowed any chocolate / sugar at home were the worst and used to lick all the icing /flakes off all the fairy cakes without eating the cakes ( used to really annoy me as it was such a waste) as they were so desperate to get some sugar...it completely messed them up.

@IndecentCakes

How big was this packet of crisps that a fraction of it stopped a kid eating lunch?

Sounds like Daddy is a fun sponge.

Agree. What a melt