Breastfeeding isn't easy for all mothers...?

[faithfulbird20]

What do you think? I honestly find it the most hardest thing in the world...finding the right tops, cloths, you're feeding one side the other side decides to leak a waterfall, baby doesn't want to latch properly, mild tongue tie, sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard and annoying, breast milk has leaked on baby's clothes, baby needs changing. Breastfeeding in front of other people, family etc...

@TheKeatingFive

It seems that breastfeeding is often portrayed in a negative way which sets new mums into thinking that it won't work, is too painful /stressful.

I disagree. The ad you speak of is a new development, a reaction to the fact that BFing was previously portrayed as ‘easy’ to persuade new mums to give it ago.

That wasn’t particularly helpful as they then found it challenging and wondered why they were struggling.

Bfing is usually front loaded. Very tough at first but becomes a lot easier. It’s right to be honest about this and provide the practical help and support for mums who want to push through. I’m immensely glad I got through those early days and ended up greatly enjoying bfing. But I was able to access brilliant support, thankfully. Others aren’t so lucky.

I don't remember anyone portraying it as 'easy' when I had my dc. In fact, I only had doubts in my mind that I could do it from what I'd heard.

All of my antenatal friends except me managed to successfully breast feed. I tried and tried, had appointments with lactation consultants etc only gave up when I ended up back in hospital due to post birth issues. Only one person from my antenatal group and one nurse at the hospital ever made me feel bad about not breast feeding. Everyone else was kind, supportive and not that interested in how I was feeding my own baby. Unfortunately due to my own mental fragility at the time, those comment stuck with me,

I think that is why people can be very sensitive. I know it can work the other way too. People may not realised how much their strong opinions can make other people feel both people who do and don’t breast feed. Nothing wrong with being proud of yourself at all, but possibly some people ( not all at all) who are are not aware of their audience when talking about it. And that is why people may be sensitive.

I think people are far too quick to push formula to be honest. That’s fine if the mum wants it but if you want to breastfeed being told fed is best isn’t always helpful.

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows you’re embarrassing yourself now.

@GreenSlide yes I think a lot of mums get bogged down in the competitive parenting/identity aspect of it. I’ve got a lot of friends on Instagram with the bio ‘breastfeeding, cosleeping, attachment parenting mummy’. And I’m like, surely there’s more to your life and personality than that?! Most mums I know that bf just do it as they would changing a nappy, without looking for validation. I’m sure it’s something that if asked they’re pleased about, but it isn’t something that defines them as a mum. I’ve come to the conclusion the former are a little insecure and need affirmation, particularly when the bfing years are over and they’re feeling a bit lost over their identity.

TBH I can't decide if you're bitter, or jealous, or both @Wondermule (I can't think of any other reason why you're so angry about another woman being proud of breastfeeding her children)

Whatever issues wondermule is working through, I’m not sure it’s worth engaging with her. She’s the same on all these threads. It’s beyond tedious now.

Bold fail

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

The breastfeeding support groups are full of those snide little comments and digs towards FF mums.

Sorry to hear that @GreenSlide but not everyone had that experience of groups.

comments from people congratulating themselves on reaching 6/12/18 months breastfeeding

What's wrong with that? Why can't people congratulate themselves on what they see as an achievement?

Well nothing wrong with that of course but a Facebook page full of people buying themselves jewellery for reaching 'golden boobies' isn't much help to you when you're struggling to breastfeed a newborn and haven't a clue why it isn't working, and just keep getting told to do skin to skin.

@daisyoranges

I mix fed ds for three months and I am proud to be honest, as it was incredibly challenging and I had to express milk for him. I’m also disappointed in myself I didn’t manage it for longer.

That IS something to be proud of, and pumping is the most tedious fucking thing ever. Don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't be proud of it.

@daisyoranges I actually found the opposite to be true. It took me being in hospital and separated from my baby to put some perspective on it. I guess everyone has different experiences.

I agree green it’s no help but I also don’t think the fact I couldn’t means other women shouldn’t be proud, if that makes sense. In the same way I can’t run but I am happy for others to celebrate their achievements running marathons or so on.

@Italiandreams I agree it's such a sensitive time for pretty much every mum and everything feels personal doesn't it.

I think what doesn't help...and I did feed back when I had my DD...was I went to a breastfeeding workshop when I was pregnant and they told us about the health benefits to mum and baby, as well as techniques, holds, how to get a latch etc. What they DIDN'T go through was the problems you'd face. They didn't talk about mastitis, or cluster feeding, or how at around six week postpartum your breasts begin to feel empty but that just means it's established. They didn't talk about tongue tie, or shallow latches, nothing whatsoever was negative. When I fed back they said essentially they don't want to put women off. But FFS women are not stupid - and it's far better to equip reluctant women with the hard facts than allow enthusiastic women to go into it with half the information

[quote Wondermule]@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows you’re embarrassing yourself now.

@GreenSlide yes I think a lot of mums get bogged down in the competitive parenting/identity aspect of it. I’ve got a lot of friends on Instagram with the bio ‘breastfeeding, cosleeping, attachment parenting mummy’. And I’m like, surely there’s more to your life and personality than that?! Most mums I know that bf just do it as they would changing a nappy, without looking for validation. I’m sure it’s something that if asked they’re pleased about, but it isn’t something that defines them as a mum. I’ve come to the conclusion the former are a little insecure and need affirmation, particularly when the bfing years are over and they’re feeling a bit lost over their identity.[/quote]
Seriously @Wondermule the only insecure person coming across is you. Your regard for women who refuse to STFU about their parenting choices is slightly warped. And the fact YOU (not them) see them being proud as being 'competitive' says more about you than them. Why on Earth would you think they were competing with you?

@TheKeatingFive

TBH I can't decide if you're bitter, or jealous, or both @Wondermule (I can't think of any other reason why you're so angry about another woman being proud of breastfeeding her children)

Whatever issues wondermule is working through, I’m not sure it’s worth engaging with her. She’s the same on all these threads. It’s beyond tedious now.

I offer a different perspective which posters like James don’t like, because it doesn’t fit their narrative. Note how you are also on all these threads with the same opinion.

I don’t really know why women shouldn’t be proud of it I must admit wonder

I offer a different perspective

S’okay, I think we’ve all got it by now

Well nothing wrong with that of course but a Facebook page full of people buying themselves jewellery for reaching 'golden boobies' isn't much help to you when you're struggling to breastfeed a newborn and haven't a clue why it isn't working, and just keep getting told to do skin to skin.

I don't think you can expect other people not to celebrate their choices just in case it isn't going well for other people though. Not just in breastfeeding, but ANY life choices.

FWIW skin to skin did absolutely fuck all for me, I got sick of being told that too. I'm sure in general it's good advice but when I said yeah skin to skin doesn't work I got a 'well you're not doing it right then' from my GP the peer supporter volunteers were much better.

There's so much bad advice out there about feeding from professionals who should know better. After my shit experience, I joined a board on my local maternity unit (I worked at the hospital at the time) and with a few others fought to get the unit BFI status as it seemed only one midwife was adequately knowledgable of breastfeeding issues and if she was off basically the mothers we're screwed if they wanted help. It took years, but they got it eventually and though I'm no longer in the board after taking up a teaching post I'm told things are better. But for it to ever be the case where women couldn't get help with basic problems is IMO completely shocking but sadly not surprising with the disparity in women's healthcare

@TheKeatingFive

I offer a different perspective

S’okay, I think we’ve all got it by now

The different perspective being:

Women: STFU and get on with it.

Such a refreshing narrative dont you think

would you think they were competing with you?

Because of little remarks like ‘and I don’t care if this upsets ff mums’. You let the mask slip there - you’re not about being proud etc, you just enjoy feeling superior.

a Facebook page full of people buying themselves jewellery for reaching 'golden boobies' isn't much help to you when you're struggling to breastfeed a newborn and haven't a clue why it isn't working, and just keep getting told to do skin to skin.

Oh that bloody jewellery and don’t forget the ‘milk baths’ where a bewildered and slightly scared looking baby is lowered into a bath full of cows milk (which the same women are then decrying online as unnatural and meant for baby calves). Someone’s making a living out of it I suppose 😂

And pumping is indeed a massive chore. I think the best $$ I spent was on a double electric pump. I gave it away to a friend struggling to bf when I was done with it, I was happy never to see it again!!

Because of little remarks like ‘and I don’t care if this upsets ff mums’.

Who said that? Because it wasn't me. I never once mentioned formula feeding in any of my posts. Stop making things up

cows milk (which the same women are then decrying online as unnatural and meant for baby calves)

Um, it is meant for calves

I said:

I'm bloody proud and no I don't care if that makes people feel bad

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

Because of little remarks like ‘and I don’t care if this upsets ff mums’.

Who said that? Because it wasn't me. I never once mentioned formula feeding in any of my posts. Stop making things up

cows milk (which the same women are then decrying online as unnatural and meant for baby calves)

Um, it is meant for calves

Sigh. Do you mind if I stop replying to you as this is getting boring now.

Why shouldn’t james be proud?

I failed miserably at breastfeeding. Why would I want other mums and babies to go through that?

So not the same at all as "I don't care if it upsets ff mums"

But yes please stop replying as I find your embellishments, snide remarks, and attempts to silence women really tedious now.

I’m very proud of myself too. While absolutely acknowledging I had good support and not everyone had access to that.

As an aside, I HATED pumping, so anyone who did that exclusively for any length of time has my huge respect.