Breastfeeding isn't easy for all mothers...?

[faithfulbird20]

What do you think? I honestly find it the most hardest thing in the world...finding the right tops, cloths, you're feeding one side the other side decides to leak a waterfall, baby doesn't want to latch properly, mild tongue tie, sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard and annoying, breast milk has leaked on baby's clothes, baby needs changing. Breastfeeding in front of other people, family etc...

I found it very easy and fortunately never had any problems (although I struggled to express) But I certainly didn't find it some sort of deeply spiritual bonding experience, it was just sticking my baby up my t-shirt to feed them.

...but it is easy for some! So let's stop terrifying women in to not even trying.

@faithfulbird20

What do you think? I honestly find it the most hardest thing in the world...finding the right tops, cloths, you're feeding one side the other side decides to leak a waterfall, baby doesn't want to latch properly, mild tongue tie, sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard and annoying, breast milk has leaked on baby's clothes, baby needs changing. Breastfeeding in front of other people, family etc...

Agreed its not easy at the beginning. But then at 3 months things click and it becomes much easier than formula feeds.

It depends.

DD was a nightmare feeder. Took almost a day to latch in, then she had a consistent poor latch, too much weight loss, had to pump as well, got mastitis 3 times, had to use nipple shields for months, regular bouts of cluster feeding, hourly waking - you name it!

DS came along and was a doddle. Perfect latch, latched on at 1 minute old.

Breastfed each child for 4 years each 💪🏼yes I will brag because I'm bloody proud and no I don't care if that makes people feel bad, particularly with DD I battled through the hard times, even when I hated every moment, and did what I believed was best for them.

@Tigresswoods

...but it is easy for some! So let's stop terrifying women in to not even trying.

Precisely.

I really hate the narrative we have in the West that breastfeeding is ALWAYS hard. It certainly can be, but it gets easier and easier. Good job as I was waaaay too lazy to get my arse up in the night to make bottles

@Cormoransjacket

I exclusively breast fed both of my babies except for the first few months of DS1's life when he was tube fed. He was able to go directly from tube feeding to breastfeeding. Neither of my babies ever had a bottle.

The first few days with DS1 were a little bit tricky because we were both learning a new skill. However, I did not find breastfeeding difficult. I realise that other women do find it hard. I totally respect the fact that they have different experiences, feelings and points of view. However, if any first time mums are reading I would want them to know that it is not necessarily difficult. It can be the easiest, cheapest and simplest way to feed your baby. It is also really lovely to sit and feed your baby. You get to read loads of books, watch lots of telly and chill with your baby.

You do spend time feeding and chilling with your baby even when you're formula feeding you know, it's still a really nice experience to feed your baby with a bottle.

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

It depends.

DD was a nightmare feeder. Took almost a day to latch in, then she had a consistent poor latch, too much weight loss, had to pump as well, got mastitis 3 times, had to use nipple shields for months, regular bouts of cluster feeding, hourly waking - you name it!

DS came along and was a doddle. Perfect latch, latched on at 1 minute old.

Breastfed each child for 4 years each 💪🏼yes I will brag because I'm bloody proud and no I don't care if that makes people feel bad, particularly with DD I battled through the hard times, even when I hated every moment, and did what I believed was best for them.

I always find the strikethrough to be so passively aggressive 🙄

Just say you’re bloody proud and end it there. These forums are the only place you can brag anyway as nobody in real life gives a shit.

I don’t see my breastfeeding as an achievement, frankly it was the cheapest and easiest option for me. It doesn’t take much to do other than pushing out a baby and putting them to the boob.

@Wondermule I put the strikeout because inevitably in these threads you always have someone claiming you're making them feel bad for mentioning you breastfed successfully

I don’t see my breastfeeding as an achievement, frankly it was the cheapest and easiest option for me

Good for you - I very much see mine as an achievement. A lot of physical and mental work went into making it happen, often to my own detriment. Sorry to say that how a random stranger on the internet feels about their breastfeeding journey has absolutely zero bearing on how I feel about mine. And I'll end it where I like, thanks

It doesn’t take much to do other than pushing out a baby and putting them to the boob.

Of course it does, as well you know

These forums are the only place you can brag anyway as nobody in real life gives a shit.

Wrong. Plenty of people give a shit. Sorry you don't have supportive people in your life, I guess.

It's really hard. And painful. Have done it for 4 years over 2dc though. I got mastitis with ds2. Ended up with a dent in my boob where a massive abcess appeared. Had to go to the nurse every week to have them pack my poor holey boob so it could heal. So glad thats all over!

[quote JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]@Wondermule I put the strikeout because inevitably in these threads you always have someone claiming you're making them feel bad for mentioning you breastfed successfully

I don’t see my breastfeeding as an achievement, frankly it was the cheapest and easiest option for me

Good for you - I very much see mine as an achievement. A lot of physical and mental work went into making it happen, often to my own detriment. Sorry to say that how a random stranger on the internet feels about their breastfeeding journey has absolutely zero bearing on how I feel about mine. And I'll end it where I like, thanks

It doesn’t take much to do other than pushing out a baby and putting them to the boob.

Of course it does, as well you know

These forums are the only place you can brag anyway as nobody in real life gives a shit.

Wrong. Plenty of people give a shit. Sorry you don't have supportive people in your life, I guess.[/quote]
Nobody said it made them feel bad. You’re just getting a little dig in to feel superior with your bfing credentials.

And nobody gives a shit 😂 people are probably thinking ‘Here she goes again, smile and nod’ every time you bring it up. Why would anyone else be interested?!

If you spent your newborn and baby days obsessing over breastfeeding rather than enjoying the magic, that’s your choice. Other women might choose to just enjoy their baby and being a new mum, and you shouldn’t be making snide little digs at them to justify your own decisions.

I think I may be in the minority as I found breastfeeding very easy (minus the first 5 days with my first dd).
I always felt very lucky and thankful that it came naturally to be and my dd's. I have known a fair few people who struggled terribly and it really affected their emotional well-being.
I think if you're struggling at all, the best thing is to find local bf support groups.

Didn't find it that hard but christ, oversupply is a much bigger pain than I was aware of. Chuckling at the idea some nice bamboo pads are all you need - I had waaaay to much milk and my clothes were soaked come morning, and the babies' sleepsuits would often be wet from the other boob leaking as I fed. If I could have had too much milk, it only seems logical that some women just can't produce enough.

@Subordinateclause

Didn't find it that hard but christ, oversupply is a much bigger pain than I was aware of. Chuckling at the idea some nice bamboo pads are all you need - I had waaaay to much milk and my clothes were soaked come morning, and the babies' sleepsuits would often be wet from the other boob leaking as I fed. If I could have had too much milk, it only seems logical that some women just can't produce enough.

I had this I would’ve needed a breast pad the size of a dinner plate to make any difference - every night I would wake soaking wet and have to strip the bed etc. Pain in the arse! I’m jealous of women that seem to have exactly the right amount that they can feed well but never leak! It was one of the reasons I had to stop, I had to feed every few hours on the dot or bring a change of clothes wherever I went.

I was exclusively breastfeeding my twins until a few days ago (now weaning on to formulae). I'm proud of myself although I didn't put any pressure on myself to do it and am certainly not self righteous/smug about it (hopefully!). I nearly
Lost my twins during delivery and they were in NICU for 3 weeks - I pumped every 2-3 hours to take them milk to be tube fed - I felt like it was the one thing I could do as their mummy since I Couldn't be with them all the time.

Was it hard? Yes and no?
What I found hard

• establishing supply
• constant leaking through tops I found embarrassing
• felt like I always had my boobs out
• uncomfortable sleeping if didn't feed them to a rigid 3 hour schedule and the way they go hard before a feed
• I'm usually an A cup but my boobs are massive and I'm just not used to them physically being there
• finding clothing I could nurse in comfortably and without feeling self conscious (I have a jelly belly obviously from having twins and hated it being on show when I lifted up top to feed)

@Wondermule

Nobody said it made them feel bad. You’re just getting a little dig in to feel superior with your bfing credentials.

You've basically proved my point - but people do come on MN and try to silence any woman who isn't mortified that she breastfed, and I pre-empted it with an "I don't care" in the vain hope people wouldn't make it about them

And nobody gives a shit 😂 people are probably thinking ‘Here she goes again, smile and nod’ every time you bring it up. Why would anyone else be interested?!

Once again, sorry you don't have supportive people in your life. I did. Friends who breastfed at the exact same stage and valued that support (as did I), family members who wanted me to be comfortable and accommodated for me in the hard days (coming round to help with feeding, etc), husband who fully supported me with breastfeeding and helped in every way he possibly could, an AMAZING team of peer supporters (sadly a service now defunded where I lived) who I couldn't have done without when I was feeding DD in the early days, other women at the breastfeeding group I attended. And I have a shit about them and their feeding journeys too.

If you spent your newborn and baby days obsessing over breastfeeding rather than enjoying the magic, that’s your choice.

Magic 😂😂 so every woman who doesn't feel the mAgIc is not doing so by choice. What about women with PND? is it their choice not to feel this abstract bollocks idea of 'magic'?

Other women might choose to just enjoy their baby and being a new mum, and you shouldn’t be making snide little digs at them to justify your own decisions.

I'm not justifying anything - why would I need to?! Why on Earth would I need to justify a choice to breastfeed?! it's not something that's unjust.

Also I made no little digs. Did you maybe read someone else's post by accident?

Not sure what your agenda is in trying to play down other women's achievements but it's very odd. It's also not working, at least not with me. Sorry not sorry

Also @Wondermule who says I didn't feel the magic? Why would you assume that?

Very suspicious of your story TBH with such an anti-breastfeeding agenda

Oh please who really cares as long as a baby is healthy and fed your partner maybe

Oh and those involved in competitive parenting

I personally didn’t see it as an achievement I did what I could and that was it I guess others view this differently, I had to have an emergency csection I didn’t feel a failure after that and it’s really sad some women do. Was lovely to bf yet painful at times but then so was feeding ds a bottle lovely holding your baby and them falling asleep is a lovely beautiful experience (I was lucky ds was very content baby)

@OhWhyNot - well I did saw it as an achievement 🤷‍♀️ it's a bit shitty for women to tell other women they shouldn't feel proud of something significant they did. I think that attitude encompasses a lot of why women don't feel supported after having babies and suffering from PND. No matter how hard a woman finds pregnancy/giving birth/breastfeeding/bottle feeding/newborn days theres always another woman eager to tell her how that it's not that big a deal, or loads of women do it, or no one gives a shit.

The point being James if you are unable to bf would your friends have been supportive

I would hope so as they are your friends and care for your and your baby - the baby being fed is more important than you being able to bf

@OhWhyNot of course they would.

But I chose to breastfeed, and as friends who also breastfed it was great for us to get mutual advice/support/compare situations. What they'd have done if I hadn't breastfed is completely irrelevant. I'm pleased I don't think of people "ah but you aren't supportive because of how you might act in this imaginary situation"

@PhantomErik

I found it fine after the first few days of getting used to it with my firstborn.

I wore a vest that was low cut enough to pull under my breasts with a t-shirt over the top. T-shirt pulled up on one side & vest pulled down.

Breast pads dealt with any leaking.

None of my babies were prone to wind or being sick after feeding.

I know some people struggle but I found it a piece of cake! Felt like the most natural thing in the world & an extension of pregnancy.

My 3 all stopped breastfeeding around 9 - 10 months with very little issue.

Ditto to all of this and I was only 20 with my first - not hugely relevant but the midwives seemed surprised that I just fed DS1 shortly after birth with no prompting then requested to be discharged the same day so I could go home and carry on as if I'd had the home birth I'd planned on!

I was perfectly happy feeding anywhere and everywhere, mostly lived in vest tops as I had summer babies the first 2 times so nice and easy to flop a boob out and get on with it. In laws took a while to get used to it but I'd often feed while cooking/making cups of tea one handed, wander around chatting while feeding.
I accept that I was very fortunate that none of my babies had a tongue tie or any problems latching, but I do feel a lot of was down to the fact I just assumed it would be easy as it was for my mum (who I remembered breastfeeding my sisters) and never considered the possibility of having any issues.

Not to mention how much easier it was to feed at night and no bottles to clean. Plus it was free. Breast pads solved leaking issues and while they are annoying and I had the odd uncomfortable night with overfull breasts, I certainly wouldn't consider it anything to moan about. As I said, I was lucky but I also think mindset has a lot to do with it.

I haven’t how you should feel I said I didn’t

Being a single parent going through a solicitor to keep my job ex being an absolute arse and having to fight for maintenance and selling/moving when ds 5 weeks old I don’t think I really had time to think was it an achievement

But looking back I still don’t feel that way. Though all that ds was a content baby what was most important to me that he was I could look after him very well, provide foe him, he was healthy, well fed and thankfully a very content baby (I do believe babies pick up on anxiety) and a good sleeper which is a blessing

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

I pre-empted it with an "I don't care" in the vain hope people wouldn't make it about them

It was snide, and a nasty little attempt to suggest women should feel bad with your faux innocent ‘I was just pre-empting’.

Glad all those people helped you, but it just sounds like run of the mill decency rather than anyone actually caring how you fed your kids.

As for the magic, it just sounds like you wasted a lot of your baby days obsessing over breastfeeding, fine but don’t make other women feel bad because they chose to let go and enjoy their newborn instead.

You can be as suspicious as you like 🤷🏼‍♀️ Not everyone who has breast fed feels the need to jump on the ‘well done me’ bandwagon.

But Wondermule, I don't think everyone needs to bf or that it's important for everyone to prioritise bf. I totally understand that some people would prefer to bottle feed, if not right from the start, then as an alternative to pushing through BF problems and that's absolutely valid. It's a reasonable alternative of course and I will disagree with anyone who tries to put some kind of morality on someone's reasons to stop. It's always the mother's choice and nobody else's business.

I don't understand why more support = more pressure? If you say I want to stop now then why would a health visitor push helplines and support groups at you? The IBCLCs I follow on social media etc have all posted about stories of how they have helped someone stop when that's the right choice for them. It's not an agenda to make someone bf at all costs. It's more of a counselling service with bf knowledge/experience.

And while some people would probably prefer to stop after a few weeks if it wasn't clear that it was going to resolve easily any time soon, other people would prefer to push through and either option is also fine. It's just like birth really. There are no medals for not taking that epidural and it's an option if you want it. But some people will find it worthwhile to push through.

Personally I don't know where my limit would be. I haven't had any particularly taxing BF experiences. The first baby was easy and the second had some bumps in the road but only took a few weeks to sort out and never felt like there wasn't progress. I don't think personally I could cope with expressing for months on end, I'd probably stop. But I know that it is worth that effort to some people and I think it should be seen as worthwhile as long as that's what they want to do. Not the only option or even the preferred/best option. Just neutral.

[quote JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]@OhWhyNot - well I did saw it as an achievement 🤷‍♀️ it's a bit shitty for women to tell other women they shouldn't feel proud of something significant they did. I think that attitude encompasses a lot of why women don't feel supported after having babies and suffering from PND. No matter how hard a woman finds pregnancy/giving birth/breastfeeding/bottle feeding/newborn days theres always another woman eager to tell her how that it's not that big a deal, or loads of women do it, or no one gives a shit. [/quote]
But it isn’t significant. It’s feeding a baby in the way that women have done since time immemorial. You haven’t started the first colony on Mars or anything. I think your ego on this is a bit out of control if I’m honest.