Two professional parents working full time. How can we pull it off? Help!

[BoogleMcGroogle]

I’ve always worked but my practice is now pretty much full time ( if you add up all the 5am wake ups to sort emails etc.). DH is a partner in a law firm so pretty busy too. But is home full time, so manages a hectic laundry schedule between meetings ( or manages meetings between laundry....) We are on our knees here with school runs, household chores ( we have an unreliable, half hearted cleaner once a week), garden jobs, general life organisation ( and a DS with disabilities so he needs a bit more). But we both love our work, and are determined to make it work alongside a happy family life.

Please share some ideas about how to make it work, while still enjoying a nice family and home life. We are well paid so can throw money at the problem, but I’d rather work flexible hours than have the kids out of the house too much, as DS struggles with that. They are 9 and 11 so need a different type of attention now, but are no less needy of our time and interest.

I’d really appreciate others’ experiences.

Get a more reliable cleaner and a gardener. If you can afford it, outsource as much as you can. No point running yourself into the ground.

I’m looking into getting a housekeeper. I got home yesterday to find our cleaner hadn’t turned up again and I cried on the threshold!

I really don’t think you can, but for what it’s worth all you can do is throw money at it. Get a housekeeper, someone who can do the shopping, return parcels, wrap presents, stick something in the slow cooker and do a clean and tidy. That way any free time you do have will be spent with your children in the main. Maybe that way your DH could do a couple of long days and have a day or two off to sort the kids.

Can you send the laundry out? Ideally someone who will pick up all the school wear on a Friday teatime and drop it back Sat/Sun?

Better cleaner.

Can the kids walk to/from school together unsupervised?

Hello Fresh for dinner Mon-Thurs. Cuts the shopping/meal planning.

Sack the bloody cleaner for a start. Why do people do this?! Absolutely hate when people don’t turn up when they say they will.

Housekeeper sounds ideal if you can afford it. Especially if they can do laundry as well. Outsource everything you can afford to, then just concentrate on the kids and work.

Yup, get a better cleaner. Have them do a deep clean to start as well. And see if You can get a cleaner who offers laundry/ironing - or outsource that to someone else. And get a gardener. Throw the money at the things you don't want to do (since you want to maximise time with dc)

Housekeeper is a great idea!

Arrive 1pm, 2hrs to do laundry/dinner prep/change beds/post office run etc Do school run. Make kids tea. Leaves at 5pm every day.

Oh yeah and Cook meals a couple of times a week? Or Gousto/hello fresh so at least the recipes and ingredients are there and boxed up for you.

And sack the cleaner who doesn't turn up!

Get a robot vacuum! If you've got money too you can get one of the expensive ones that maps your floor plan. You can just have it on when you're working or in bed. Some of them also have a mop feature.

Get a more reliable cleaner. Some cleaners also offer extras like ironing services.

Can you batch cook and freeze at the weekends or buy some of the weekly meal plan type kits?

Make sure you have a dishwasher.

Use a slow cooker, Chuck it all in in the morning before work and then tea is ready when you get home.

We are in a similar situation (two senior lawyers, 3 kids incl one with disabilities). DH works from home and I work 2 days in the office, 3 at home. We have a full time, live-in housekeeper who does all cleaning (though no tidying ), cooks evening meals, shopping and occasional childcare. Also we pay extra for the kids' extra-curricular activities to come to us (eg piano teacher) or do online where possible. Tend to work 8am - 4pm and then 8pm - midnight to work around the kids.

Would the children be able to walk themselves to school safely? Maybe one for when they both start secondary depending how safe you feel it is.

You are lucky enough to be able to afford a cleaner so get one that turns up

Can your children help with chores?

Can you redo the garden so it requires less maintenance?

Outsource more:

Better cleaner
TaskRabbit for small jobs
Find sources of healthy convenience food - around us, there are a few people cooking from home, e.g. we get lovely mezze once a week delivered

I have a lot of annual leave so I sometimes take a day when the kids are at nursery and blitz the life admin

Ours are 8 and 5 and we pay for full time childcare with a childminder who is willing to have them if they’re not well. It means that we never have to fret about work if they’re unwell (clearly if they were seriously sick we would but when they had chickenpox it was a lifesaver) and when they have an inset day they’re with her. She does the school run and then has them until 6 and feeds them. We can then give them full focus for a couple of hours and we’re not scrambling to do work at the weekend.

(Our cleaner is also ok rather than amazing but she does turn up and we trust her).

I’m going to assume you do online shopping etc already.

Could you get a better cleaner and a gardener?
Would a laundry service help at all, maybe ironing?
Could you get a babysitter for a couple of afternoons after school so that the children are in their home but you are able to do work.
Life organisation- depends on what works best for you. An online calendar where both you and DH can add important dates, school nom uniform day etc. Do you have a set schedule of who does which school run, if not that could help with feeling more in control.
Lots of questions there sorry, all rhetorical

As we on as you get a letter from school or a medical appointment put it in your diary.

Get a housekeeper.

Work less and earn less money?

Can you get a nanny or au pair, but also someone who will do cleaning, washing etc when the dc are at school.

When my dc were young I had a lady who came round first thing, got the kids ready and took them to school, would then come back to the house for a few hours and clean, wash, iron etc, then go home until the dc were to be collected from school and then would bring them back to the house, cook them tea etc. I used for work flexible hours and at home a lot so when I could do the school runs etc I would, but having her at home meant I didn't have to if I had too much work on.

In your shoes I'd also pay a gardener once every few weeks in the summer too

When my 2 were little (DS 1 was severely disabled) and DH constantly travelling round the world, I was a divorce lawyer working 4 days a week.

Coped by paying for:

Cleaner 3 times a week, she did the ironing but not washing
2 gardeners once a week
Childminder 2 evenings a week so I could do hobby and see friends
Ad hoc caterers for 3 or 4 big dinner parties per year.

Didn’t leave much of my salary but worth it in the long run.

Equivalent to an au-pair, four hours per day 2 to 6. Laundry, supermarket delivery, school pick- up and other activities, and children's tea. Tidies DC's rooms. And you need a reliable cleaner. £10-£12ph. £200 to £250pw. Not sure if the au-pair arrangements have been blasted by brexit.

You have money. You can afford to pay a decent amount for quality staff, who will make most of these problems go away.

A friend of mine works as a nanny/housekeeper for a couple with dc the same ages as yours. She does all the running around for the kids, then while they are at school gets on with the laundry, cleaning, meal prep and some admin. Her employers love her.

When recruiting a gardener, look for someone with horticultural qualifications who has actual plant skills, rather than a mower-pusher.

For us, the thing that makes the biggest impact is a whiteboard in a prominent place in the hallway. It's huge, and everything goes on it. My shifts, important meetings, booked gym classes, the shopping list, a weekly chores list (eg, change beds, clean bathrooms, put the bins out, everything that we try and do just once a week, and gets rubbed off when its done). The board gets reset weekly when the shifts changeover, the online shop is done and the chores are done as much as we can. Other people use online calendars, but it just isn't visual enough for us, it needs to just be there and be quick, and it makes us feel like we're working as a team to get the week done!

Manage your expectations. It will make you more relaxed when you do finish work. You're choosing a very busy way of life, but if you outsource as much as poss and accept that you will always be busy then you might find things easier.

Housekeeper, who comes in tidys up does laundry, cleans then prepares dinner right before she leaves and you serve it when you get in.
Thats who my sil employed, her Dh did long hours in as a law partner, she was just plain useless at anything. It worked well for them with two small children.

How did you manage when children were younger?
Is the current difficult due to covid and you cannot have house keeper, cleaner ect in?
I took interest from opening post, currently finding it hard keeping everything going my children are younger(3,6,9)
Think it harder as everyone at home so much more now no after school activities, eating out ect. House being used so much can't keep up.
Only option I see is turn a blind eye to mess/disorganised house on days want to exercise. I would never get out if waiting to finish house work