Two professional parents working full time. How can we pull it off? Help!

[BoogleMcGroogle]

I’ve always worked but my practice is now pretty much full time ( if you add up all the 5am wake ups to sort emails etc.). DH is a partner in a law firm so pretty busy too. But is home full time, so manages a hectic laundry schedule between meetings ( or manages meetings between laundry....) We are on our knees here with school runs, household chores ( we have an unreliable, half hearted cleaner once a week), garden jobs, general life organisation ( and a DS with disabilities so he needs a bit more). But we both love our work, and are determined to make it work alongside a happy family life.

Please share some ideas about how to make it work, while still enjoying a nice family and home life. We are well paid so can throw money at the problem, but I’d rather work flexible hours than have the kids out of the house too much, as DS struggles with that. They are 9 and 11 so need a different type of attention now, but are no less needy of our time and interest.

I’d really appreciate others’ experiences.

Hi, I think you are doing the right thing. For the next few years your money is going to be spent paying for support, but after that you can cut down on it and your income stream will be there. A huge bonus that you enjoy your work!

Get a very good housekeeper, who works more hours than you think you need. I know you said you know a good gardener, but if your housekeeper did the garden too, it could be almost a full time position - or 5 days a week/4 hours a day.

The housekeeper keeps the house tidy and clean.
The housekeeper does the garden.
The housekeeper does all the laundry.
The housekeeper will provide emergency childcare.
The housekeeper has access to the on-line shop and makes sure you have all the stuff needed and don’t run out (it gets delivered weekly and put away in her time)
The housekeeper clears up from breakfast, makes lunch and prepares a balanced family meal in the evening for you to heat up.
....takes in deliveries, organises window clean, gets taps mended etc. Knows the kids time-tables and makes sure clean kit is ready

He/She will become part of your life and your DS will get used to her, making it easier.

Basically, the housekeeper takes on the role of a 1950s housewife. You can then spend your time enjoying your children and weekends as a family.

There are lots of people who can take this role and have all the skills you need. The downside is you will be sharing your home each weekday 9-1pm - it is not a MW job

We were lucky, we found someone who did this for us for 12 years. When they decided to leave, we really missed her and still keep in touch.

You definitely need a housekeeper. Outsource all the menial tasks so your evenings and weekends are just for you as a family.

It's the only way to survive 2 major jobs and children.

A reliable housekeeper is transformational - someone who understands the house and is capable of managing others (laundry/meal service, gardeners or trades) will change your life.

My housekeeper comes every day and needs very little input from me. She manages laundry and food deliveries, changes bed, tidies and of course cleans.

The only downside if I was being really picky is she doesn’t cook so we do rely on takeaways more than I’d like. We also get a meal delivery service.

If they're 9 and 11, the really hard bit's done, surely? They can do a lot of stuff themselves, there are no clubs or anything on at the minute. I suppose our house suffers the most cos cleaning is the last thing you want to do if you get any spare time. I do feel a twinge when they're off in their rooms every night, but then, when they were tiny, I'd have liked for that so I could work in peace. And dd spent tonight laughing hysterically with her mates on face time, which is way better than mooching around me and my laptop all night.

Hmm I think you need reliable childcare who ‘gets’ your son, a decent cleaner for 4-5 hours a week and a regular Ocado shop. It’s not that difficult but you have to be prepared to pay £15-18 per hour for the childcare bit. Once that works everything else is sortable. Nanny/housekeeper and Va are all well and good but the number one priority in your message is your son. Get the childcare right and the rest will not seem so tough.

Great ideas here all, thanks for sharing!
I’m getting a cleaner and a better robot hoover sorted

If you have plenty of money to throw at the problem then outsource as suggested above - cleaning, childcare, gardener.

Otherwise, the only option is to have lower expectations. DH and I work full time and our DC are a similar age to yours but we can't really afford any outsourcing other than childcare (wraparound based at school) so everything is just a bit haphazard! I have a routine around ordering shopping and make sure I have an organised meal plan each week and we have certain weekly chores that get done between us, but some housework etc is a bit light touch. Luckily we're both teachers so in the holidays I give the house a proper once over. The garden is lawn only so just needs mowing in the summer - we had to put off our ambitions for vegetable patches and flower beds until the DC are older. Nothing is ironed except school uniform.

I have to do bring work home and I've found as I've got older that I just don't have the energy in the evenings once all the house and DC stuff are sorted so I've readjusted my schedule so that I get up at 5.30 and work for an hour and a half then instead.

It's not perfect but it's manageable.

I'm taking all ideas from this, I've started life coaching and realise lot work to do on my house management. Amazing how I can be so structured, efficient, productive at work but then when comes to house nothing finished well.
My argument against house keeper has always been I don't want an extra person to manage. Feel my issue with house due to sharing space with others and not in full control so my skills are not in people management.
Anyone find it harder manage house keeper then actual house work ?

@853ax you aren’t employing the right person

Anyone find it harder manage house keeper then actual house work?

I’ve had periods where I’ve used an agency glide cleaning and yes that’s much harder. But get the right person and it is totally amazing.

Once again, thanks so much to everyone who has taken time to post advice. I’ve read every message and have picked up some great ideas. I spoke to a housekeeper yesterday, who worked for a friend who has just moved, and she’s coming over tomorrow to discuss working two days a week. She’s a huge dog lover, which is a plus ( as we have a huge dog!)

Other changes might take a bit of time but I feel positive we will get there while still raising happy kids.

@BoogleMcGroogle

Once again, thanks so much to everyone who has taken time to post advice. I’ve read every message and have picked up some great ideas. I spoke to a housekeeper yesterday, who worked for a friend who has just moved, and she’s coming over tomorrow to discuss working two days a week. She’s a huge dog lover, which is a plus ( as we have a huge dog!)

Other changes might take a bit of time but I feel positive we will get there while still raising happy kids.

Well done OP. I also suspect you'll find that i you employ this person, or someone like her, making other changes will be easier because the time and headspace she'll free up right up front will allow you to think about the next thing!

Good luck op. I think the tip is to massively lower your standards. I'm sure the house and garden can cope with a bit of neglect we cant do it all. As long as the people and the dog are ok that's the main thing.

How about an Au pair or Mother's Help? I have a few friends who have au pairs and it works well for them. The only downside is that you need a room for them but if you have the room and can handle an extra body in the house it might be the best option for you.

A house keeper sounds perfect for you.

If you have the money why not employ a reliable cleaner (solves the housework problem), gardener (solves the gardening problem), au pair/nanny (solves the school run problem and potentially if you have the space they could be live in so could help entertain the children when you are both occupied with work)
My husband and I both work full-time but luckily we have opposite work schedules so when he's at work I'm off work and visaversa but we are both in low paying jobs because of this flexibility.

I had 4 children while both myself and my husband were working in full-time professional jobs. We tried very hard to make sure one of us was around before/after school as much as possible but that meant we both had to work late into the evening after they had gone to bed, which obviously got later and later.
As everyone else has said having reliable help where possible - cleaning, gardening, ironing makes life much easier and we latterly had an older lady who collected from school several nights a week, took them to some activities and got homework started. We had hoped for a Mrs Doubtfire but her cooking skills were fairly abysmal but by the time we discovered that the children loved having her around. I appreciate that you may not have this option due to your son’s needs but perhaps someone who can just be that extra pair of hands would assist.
More recently we subscribed to Hello Fresh. It has revolutionised our lives (although I agree that the quality of the meat is abysmal so we avoid that mainly and hate the extra packaging). But not having to think about what to buy/cook, the ease of the recipes which the children enjoyed cooking and just eating different things is so good.

A friend of mine is a single parent and has a housekeeper. The housekeeper seems to:

• do laundry
• clean and tidy
• get shopping
• do the school run
• sort out dogs.

house keeper = man friday. Looks marvellous to me!

A really great professional nanny 😜

You can do this, but please bring your husband into this. Get as much help as you can, be okay for standards to slip and give some of the load to your husband. you are a partnership. I mean a load as finding and managing some of the routine so that you do not take the full burden and burn out. share the load so that you both have time at the weekend to do something for your self....even for an hour. Let the house go - lower your standards and let go of the societal guilt that your home is your responsibility.

Get a cleaner from a family run company maybe who will also help with other things like ironing, folding clothes etc when needed. They usually have more than one person so someone always shows up. I wouldn't use an agency as they employ halfhearted ppl bt when u find someone you can trust add more things if they want them. That's if you don't want a housekeeper bt i know many ppl who've gone down that route recently tol.

I’m a single parent, I work a lot and I’ve also been studying for 2 years. I also run a not for profit community support group.

It’s a tiring juggle but I’ve found the easiest thing is organisation.
Put some hard graft in now to de clutter and completely organise 1 room a week.
Then all you need to do is spend an hour a day (30 mins each) keeping everything in order.

I don’t have a dishwasher and I’d say one would be a good investment if you don’t have one already as my kitchen feels like it’s constant!

Get a housekeeper and nanny to do all that stuff.

I would if I could afford it. Someone to clean, cook, do laundry, change bedsheets, school run, homework with kids.

Reduce your stress levels and provide employment

@BoogleMcGroogle

I’m looking into getting a housekeeper. I got home yesterday to find our cleaner hadn’t turned up again and I cried on the threshold!

If I could afford a cleaner I would have one - but they would have to be reliable and actually work.

Its hard both working long hours with children. I think we just have lower standards than other people 🤷🏽‍♀️

Can you afford an au pair or nanny?
Send the laundry out.
Get a proper cleaner - they can be amazing.
Get a gardener.
When you have some leave have a thorough de-clutter - it makes everything so much easier when everything has a place and stuff isn't everywhere.