Two professional parents working full time. How can we pull it off? Help!

[BoogleMcGroogle]

I’ve always worked but my practice is now pretty much full time ( if you add up all the 5am wake ups to sort emails etc.). DH is a partner in a law firm so pretty busy too. But is home full time, so manages a hectic laundry schedule between meetings ( or manages meetings between laundry....) We are on our knees here with school runs, household chores ( we have an unreliable, half hearted cleaner once a week), garden jobs, general life organisation ( and a DS with disabilities so he needs a bit more). But we both love our work, and are determined to make it work alongside a happy family life.

Please share some ideas about how to make it work, while still enjoying a nice family and home life. We are well paid so can throw money at the problem, but I’d rather work flexible hours than have the kids out of the house too much, as DS struggles with that. They are 9 and 11 so need a different type of attention now, but are no less needy of our time and interest.

I’d really appreciate others’ experiences.

Nanny housekeeper. They can do school pick ups, be there when the kids come home, cook a family dinner and organise the house. Look for one who can take the initiative... so they know where everything is in the house, they can organise and launder school uniform and games kit and they can do the shopping and put it away.

You're not willing to cut down on your work (and why should you?) and you presumably would prefer not to outsource your children more than you presently do. So you need to outsource as much of everything else as you can... cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, tidying and organising. You won't look back later on and regret not spending more time scrubbing the kitchen!

MessAllOver that’s my feeling. I might regret missing out on time with my kids, I need to avoid that, or not attending a conference, or passing up ( yet another) opportunity, also suboptimal. I’m reasonably certain I won’t lay on my deathbed and ask for Henry the Hoover to be brought to me so I can apologise for not working harder on our special bond

With a partner in a law firm salary I second a housekeeper. It’s the only way unless one of you or both of you go part time.

@BoogleMcGroogle

I’ve always worked but my practice is now pretty much full time ( if you add up all the 5am wake ups to sort emails etc.). DH is a partner in a law firm so pretty busy too. But is home full time, so manages a hectic laundry schedule between meetings ( or manages meetings between laundry....) We are on our knees here with school runs, household chores ( we have an unreliable, half hearted cleaner once a week), garden jobs, general life organisation ( and a DS with disabilities so he needs a bit more). But we both love our work, and are determined to make it work alongside a happy family life.

Please share some ideas about how to make it work, while still enjoying a nice family and home life. We are well paid so can throw money at the problem, but I’d rather work flexible hours than have the kids out of the house too much, as DS struggles with that. They are 9 and 11 so need a different type of attention now, but are no less needy of our time and interest.

I’d really appreciate others’ experiences.

I’d get a nanny/housekeeper

Use your high incomes to pay reliable staff an excellent rate of pay.. Cleaner, ironer, gardener, maybe an au pair to do school runs, ferry the children, pick up shopping or drycleaning, provide some cover when you're in meetings etc.

@BoogleMcGroogle

Altlife that’s really helpful. Where would I go about finding someone like you?

You can have me

Seriously, I was hired via Indeed. He put up a job ad, I replied with a starting sentence that caught his eye and the rest is history!

I had no VA experience whatsoever (my opening line ) but I needed something I could fit around childcare and do in my own time. It worked for us both.

Just be up front and honest about your needs and expectations

I'm a full time teacher working about 60 hours per week. DH works full time in finance. We have no family close by but it works because

1. My children go to my school and the one next door
2. School is very close to home
3. DH works from home and does all school pickups. I drop DCs at breakfast club in the morning.
4. DH has quite a relaxed schedule as he's pretty senior so he only really works about 7 hours a day. He cooks dinner every day, hangs up laundry etc.
5. DCs are old enough to get dressed, feed themselves, shower alone, make breakfast etc
6. No cleaner but I do a couple of cleaning jobs every day and blitz at the weekend.
7. Only one club per DC in normal times.
8. No ironing. Ever.
9. School dinners for me and DCs. Regular Charlie Bingham or Cook ready meals. Odd takeaway.

10. Very little social life at the moment which suits this lifestyle pretty well. I come home at 6pm, chat to DCs, we eat dinner as a family, play a game or watch TV, bath or shower, play with eldest, I go to bed at 9pm. 11. I love my job.

I’d consider hiring a household assistant type. Someone to help the kids after school, start dinner, do a general tidy, fold laundry, or run kids to activities. Consider making it a shift that starts before school lets out to make it a half time job and thus more appealing.

I’d keep this separate from a cleaner and you do need a reliable cleaner.

Also. Think about what you get out of your career. Appreciate it and think long term. In a few years you will be able to throw yourself into work more.

I'm not a high earner. I earn 34k. But I'm a professional and I know I make a difference. Setting an example to your DC is really positive.

For balance, I was very part time for 10 years after my first was born, 2 days a week, which I don't regret at all. It was right at the time. But now it's great to focus on my career again and be full time. I genuinely get up each morning and feel happy about going to work. Teaching in a panic isn't easy but it's so rewarding and I feel most like myself when I'm at work.

Teaching in a pandemic not panic! Although, good typo 🤣

Bluewavescrashing I’m in a similar position. Have worked part time for 12 years. Slowly set up my practice and things are now going really well. I’m at the top of my game professionally. No way am I letting that go!

I’m an Ed Psych and if you’ve managed to do this as a teacher during Covid times, I’m sure I can manage too! Teachers have been amazing.

Housekeeper - who cleans, does laundry, irons. Gardener.

Get your kids to do chores though. That’s where we messed up. We had to claw it back when they were older and it was hard!

Also get an app like Google Keeper where you can share lists. Godsend for grocery shopping!

Also maybe think about getting someone in to declutter and get good organisational routines in. I’ve seen people that do that sort of thing and it looks amazing .

We did it until I had my fourth and then it all got too much and so I gave up my professional career. It worked because we had good help in the house. In your position, I would be looking for a housekeeper and a VA to do your home admin.

I now work very locally and part time - but I send my dog to daycare twice a week - she's picked up and walked, trained, played with and dropped back. I am finding that as my children are now teens (and one tween) that they need me far more albeit in different ways than when they were small and I'm so grateful to be able to give them that time.

( I sometimes look at my high earning former colleagues, but don't envy their stress and pressured lives. I'm earning a fraction of what I was before, but I'm much happier - but I realise that I'm only able to do so because DH does the lion's share of the financial household burden....)

what sort of meals do you normally do?
HelloFresh etc sound like a great idea but meals can still be quite faffy.
I do lots of things like traybakes where everything goes on one tray ; if you want to meal prep you can pre-cut veggies /marinate meat in advance.
Or pre-make batches of sauces/spices you can toss on food right before it goes in
Also get yourself an Instant Pot. They're marvellous for things like stews, don't take a whole day (unlike slow cookers) and you can toss stuff in and forget about it until it beeps :D

Hello fresh is very faffy. Not worth it IMO. Better to get a weekly tesco delivery supplemented with a few Cook meals a month.

Once a week-baked potato with toppings
Once a week-beige oven food
Once a week - spag bol or chilli
Once a week - Cook meal
Once a week- something eggy on a tray
Once a week-takeaway
= not many meals to cook.

Full fruit bowl and carrot sticks in the fridge to munch on for nutrition.

Go for it OP.

The kids could probably benefit from having mentors to encourage them and enthuse about their talents and activities. Their ages indicate secondary transfer has happened, or is going to happen, so a sensitive age.

Maybe get them into sailing and kayaking in the warmer months, and see if one of the young instructors can do some extra outings with them, or river trips - especially during school holidays. Where my son did his watersports, they offered sailing, kayaking, canoeing, windsurfing, climbing wall - so a good variety, and in holidays, clubs which ran from 9 am - 3 pm, so a very exciting and energetic type of childcare .

Gardeners and cleaners are great for the home, but the kids may need some regular input, especially during the long summer holidays. If they are in independent schools, those holidays will be mega-long. Think about a sort of inspiring - perhaps male - mentor / childcarer who brings much resourcefulness and originality to his role. A graduate who wants to teach, perhaps, and would like some experience. Go on Tutorfair maybe, to see if one of the young tutors would be able to double up as a sort of male/ female governess.

@Beamur

Get a more reliable cleaner and a gardener. If you can afford it, outsource as much as you can. No point running yourself into the ground.

This! We have a cleaner and a gardener, worth their weight in gold.

What is the best way to go about finding a part time housekeeper? Sorry for hijacking OP but after reading this I'm inspired to give it a go as we are in the same boat (and it's taking on water fast!)

I bought a good book recently...Meal Prep King. I’d recommend it. Maybe get a slow cooker as well?

You can Chuck stuff in there in the mornings while your dc is eating breakfast? I don’t have one but some people swear by them.

@dreamsarefree

What is the best way to go about finding a part time housekeeper? Sorry for hijacking OP but after reading this I'm inspired to give it a go as we are in the same boat (and it's taking on water fast!)

I’m sure you can go through an agency but we just used Gumtree and followed up references...

That's great - are they set up as self employed?

I think the key to this is outsourcing/getting more help. E.g cleaner, someone to do ironing, gardener, do online grocery shopping and kids going to breakfast club and after school club. Wrap around care at my children’s primary school is 7:45am - 6pm. You can’t fit a working day into school hours, you need more time.

You probably need an agency like Greycoat Lumleys, they’ll find you highly qualified VAs. I’m qualified as an estate manager but did some temping as a VA for a HNW family after I left my job whilst pregnant. I think it sounds like you need somebody to help manage your life, who has worked with a household before rather than somebody who has been a general VA. I would manage the cleaners, gardeners and any other staff such as temporary chefs. I oversaw house renovations, organised payments, travel, organised food shopping, sorted out things for her grown up children and helped with their business.

I was paid £25 an hour doing this if it gives you an idea cost.

If your son is prone to meltdowns, I think you need to prioritize an inspirational mentor, who can do some gardening and chores also, when free, to help the professionals and even get the kids involved - in a fun way - with cooking and gardening etc.

Have a lovely hobby project for them to do with their mentor : something like building a den and entering I for the Cuprinol she'd of the year, competition.

At the ages they are, kids need more guiding and motivating, rather than just being organised and kept clean and fed. Nannies are trained to provide craft activities and outings to children, on average, younger than yours.

I took on the services of male TAs who worked at my son's school, and who worked after school with a number of families. You say the children still need attention, and I'm sure nurturing and reinforcing too. They may not take kindly to additional helpers busying around the house and them, and may take a while to adjust.