Two professional parents working full time. How can we pull it off? Help!

[BoogleMcGroogle]

I’ve always worked but my practice is now pretty much full time ( if you add up all the 5am wake ups to sort emails etc.). DH is a partner in a law firm so pretty busy too. But is home full time, so manages a hectic laundry schedule between meetings ( or manages meetings between laundry....) We are on our knees here with school runs, household chores ( we have an unreliable, half hearted cleaner once a week), garden jobs, general life organisation ( and a DS with disabilities so he needs a bit more). But we both love our work, and are determined to make it work alongside a happy family life.

Please share some ideas about how to make it work, while still enjoying a nice family and home life. We are well paid so can throw money at the problem, but I’d rather work flexible hours than have the kids out of the house too much, as DS struggles with that. They are 9 and 11 so need a different type of attention now, but are no less needy of our time and interest.

I’d really appreciate others’ experiences.

My parents (2 professionals) had a live-in housekeeper.

Get a housekeeper, or a great cleaner who is flexible on what they do. Before lockdown (and she retired at that point, so once life goes to something like normal I have to find someone new) we had 6 hours a week over two days. One day she cleaned and tidied, plus change beds, put sheets on to wash/dry. The other she organised, put laundry away, did things like sort ds's clothes drawers, did the rest of the bed sheets, would do ironing etc etc. She also organised a cat sitter, plumber, handyman (we once went on holiday and came back to the sitting room and dining room redecorated which she'd supervised while doing a deep clean). She also babysat for us, though we also found a brilliant babysitter who was willing to do weekend daytime on the odd occasion that was an issue, and is very active so would take ds paddleboarding which was great when he got older
Get a gardener and that is covered off
Look for a laundry service that will pick up and drop off
If school is within walking distance, then see if you can find someone to walk the boys until they are able to do it by themselves. DS walking to and from school/holiday club was the game changer for me in terms of managing life

My friend has a housekeeper 4 mornings for hours and that sounds fab. She does all the cleaning, laundry, changes beds, goes shopping, takes the DC to school if and when needed, will cook a meal to be heated to that evening.

Sorry that should say 4 mornings for 4 hours.

Same as pp’s, I think a housekeeper or a live in nanny is your best option. A cleaner you can’t rely on is not worth anything because it’s just one more thing to worry about. HelloFresh or Gousto a couple of meals a week or something thrown in the slow cooker to take some of the stress out of mealtimes.

Like everyone else, agree you need a nanny/housekeeper. Someone who cleans (including some washing/ironing or who can take it out to a laundry service if that's what you prefer), cooks, does some of the life admin (shop for school uniform, post office runs, grocery unpacking etc etc) and who will also do school runs/ extra curricular schlepping, oversee homework etc. And it needs to be more than just once a week. Depending on how much you're willing to spend, I'd be going for 5 x half days personally eg 13:00-17:00 Monday-Friday but you might want to do it differently depending on costs/schedule.

If you both have busy, high paying, high pressure jobs that pay well, it's crazy not to be getting the help you need.

Ad hoc, cheap, unreliable house/cleaning/gardening is not worth it. Ditch them. Get a proper garden service who will manage the garden for you and once you've got your new housekeeper, make sure they come on her days so she's responsible for helping them if they have some issue/ need access/whatever.

You need a cleaner/housekeeper who will not just clean, do the laundry and shop bu run the house for you. If s/he doesn’t also do the cooking then you need M and S or Cook auto food.

You also need a service like BuyTime or a PT PA who will do all the admin for you - bills, dentists appointments, presents, booking holidays -

It can be done but everything a wife would do needs to be outsourced.

You need to have a weekly/monthly routine with them to keep them straight

Thanks so much. These ideas are really helpful. Here are some changes I’m going to try to make:
Getting a housekeeper for 10 hours a week ( preferably a dog lover who might do a couple of walks too).
Getting our online shared calendar properly up and running.
Gardeners ( luckily we know someone good) to do a day every couple of weeks.
Rethink meals/ cooking routine. When I’ve had time to batch cook, it’s been great.

The work less/ earn less idea is an option, but it’s hard when you are running a business as a lot of the tasks happen regardless of the volume of actual work.
When the kids were younger I worked fewer hours, and we had a great nanny and cleaner ( who is now enjoying retirement). It was easier than it is now, in many ways.

Get a VA so you have less unproductive work to do- maybe your husband can get one too? Get a chef or recipe box delivery service so meals are healthy and easy to cook. Sign up to many after school clubs in sport and music for the children. Before school breakfast clubs or maybe get an au pair? You can do it and throwing money at it will help. Also get a weekly massage/ PT Session for you!

that all sounds good. If you're getting a housekeeper, ask her to do some of the batch cooking. Or at least, on the days she's there, she cooks - eg 2 or 3 days you don't have to worry about it. Our nanny used to cook for the DC but made enough for me and DH too. It was such a godsend that I didn't have to get home from work on those days and prepare a meal.

Can someone explain how a VA works? I’ve thought about getting admin support for my business but worry it’ll just be one more thing to think about! Because if the nature of my job, potential clients really do need to speak with me, not a PA.

Honestly I would think about many more housekeeper/child supervisor hours. I would get someone full time who can cook for the kids and sometimes for you, clean, do school runs, ferry to after school Activities, supervise homework, help with general household administration, call in gardeners etc. If you can afford it this it really will make your life SO much better. Then you can spend the time you have with the kids in a quality way and doing the bits you want to do.

I know various people with this and for that age you could think about 12-7pm working hours.

I would search for a housekeeper who will clean, fetch children, cook and mow the lawn but crucially also think - I had an amazing one once, kept us organised would pick up groceries, did the therapy run occasionally (sn dc) . Won't be easy to find but an older person perhaps kids left home and misses homelife - if you have space an older divorcee might be a fit, I like many found myself in exactly the above position

In terms of getting a VA I would think carefully about what you spend your time doing and see whether you can parcel some of that up.

@BoogleMcGroogle

Can someone explain how a VA works? I’ve thought about getting admin support for my business but worry it’ll just be one more thing to think about! Because if the nature of my job, potential clients really do need to speak with me, not a PA.

I have one for my business. She's AMAZING (but not super cheap). She does engage with my clients but only on the periphery. Eg setting up meetings or sending them documents/following things up etc.

She does far more in the background. So, for example, in the last couple of weeks, she's formatted and cleaned up an important presentation I did for a client, uploaded all my expenses and invoices to my system and tracked them on a spreadsheet, liaised with a client's in-house team re getting some documents formatted, followed up with a third party from whom we are waiting some information (so she diarises to check this twice a week and follow up as needed). She tracks project work for me when I've got a lot of moving parts for specific projects and sometimes does background research for me ahead of me working on new projects/new clients. She organised Christmas gifts/cards for my clients last year.

In the beginning she did less because there is a little investment on my part to get her up to speed, but more and more I just send her things and it gets done.

I get what people are saying about childcare, after school clubs, nannies etc. I think that these things would make our lives a million times easier but unfortunately my son’s needs are such that he just wouldn’t be able to cope with that at home. It would take a housekeeper of steel to be able to understand and co-regulate a full meltdown, if it did happen ( he’s great in school but the decompression can be quite something). And I would feel uncomfortable putting him and them in that position. I collect him from school at 4 so we do have the evenings free for fresh air, a dog walk, gages, reading, Minecraft etc. DH comes down at 6.30. This only works if I do admin 5.30am-7 and catch up for a couple of hours Saturday morning, but I just don’t see how after school care is an option for us at present ( the after school club, which he might accept, is not running at his school either).
On the plus side, I had the presence of mind to locate my office 5 mins from his school, we the. Drive 15 minutes home, and that’s a great decompression ( or running to the co-op to buy ketchup) time. DD gets the bus to and from school, which is great.

Similar (2 hectic full time jobs, 1 toddler, no family around).

Our super reliable, hard working cleaner is a saver. She also changes the beds and do the ironing.
Laundry, we use a timer. Throw things in the washing machine in the evening, put timer on for ending the cycle at lunch time. Move clothes to tumble dryer. Fold in the evening. Repeat.
All grocery shop done online with Ocado, same slot every week. I manage through the app but we also add random things from Alexa.
We normally cook from scratch, but I make sure to have at least 2-3 'ready' meals in my weekly shopping for the nights we are too tired or want to spend more time with DS.
I am very strict with organizing my work/personal time. I am not available for anything work-related from 5pm, ever.
We are trying to outsource all the time consuming jobs around the house. As said, we have a cleaner, but we also have an external window cleaner coming regularly every other month and we are considering a gardener (don't need much to be honest, it's a super tiny garden).

I've been a VA in the past, helping a guy manage his businesses.

I did maybe 10 hours a week or so. Generally involved managing his diary, arranging meetings, ordering items for his food business, arranging travel for holidays etc. I also helped oversee recruitment as I have a background in HR.

I did a lot of ad-hoc stuff too. Basically anything I could do with either a computer and phone.

If you decide to go with a VA, you need to make sure you have a good feel for the person. I never met the guy and he trusted me with his bank details, card details, home address etc.

You'd also need to decide whether to employ the person or ask them to register as self-employed and invoice you. I was asked to invoice him but would have preferred being on a payroll.

Altlife that’s really helpful. Where would I go about finding someone like you?

@BoogleMcGroogle a quick google for virtual assistants, in your area or speciality if you like, will generate a lot. You can also check boards like Indeed but I suspect the sheer volume there might be overwhelming. Also ask around - I found mine by asking other self employed friends. I bet you could advertise on mumsnet jobs too!

I’ve been in a similar position, including a dd with special needs.

I think you need to divide life into 4;

1 Work

1. Children/ Family

1. House/garden

1. Dog

In each category think about what you like doing and don’t like doing, also of the don’t like doing there are things that your family like or need you to do. This process should leave you with a list of what you like or need to do and tasks that you want someone/or thing to do.

Then look at how you can get these things done, so

1. Work, extra help from a virtual assistant, but also is there anything that you could purchase that would make you more efficient eg upgrade of laptop, using Apple cloud etc. Try to think a bit outside the box, eg I switched to a Nespresso at work as it was so much quicker

1. Children

It may help if housekeeper is in charge of Laundry and washing sports bags etc. I only got rid of the stuff that my dc would not notice.

1. Home/ garden

Home, as others have said get a good housekeeper, a few days a week, give them a list of jobs that must be done and a monthly task list. Think about if you would prefer this when you are in the house or out of the house.

Also think about gadgets that could help, we have 2 dishwashers, so you could load but not have to unload as housekeeper could you do that, similarly we have a Roomba robot vacuum cleaner, tumble drier etc. We also have an extra freezer and I do a regular order with a organic farmer for our beef etc
Use someone like Ocado for groceries and have a weekly slot on the same day. You can set up a basic weekly list and also biweekly or monthly additions.
Maybe get the housekeeper to put this away or have it delivered at the weekend.
Think about a weekly menu, maybe a cook meal one night, or something like Hello Fresh to help. If you use milk get a milk man/woman.

Garden, get a proper gardener , make sure they do the whole job, ie tidy, fill green bin or dispose and clean patio and cut lawn. Also could you get a robot mower , would only work with a smallish garden.

1. Dog

I would find a lovely professional dog Walker, don’t expect your housekeeper to do this. Ask how much exercise they will get and check that they actually like dogs. I would start with the 2 days that you work in the office. Personally I love walking my dog but have a dog Walker 1 day a week, dog goes for half a day, mid week and loves it, they will do more if needed. They also board him when we go away. Ask others who they use and if they would recommend.

Hope that helps

One other thing, it may be easier to get your housekeeper via an agency. I did this and it has removed a whole layer of “stuff” from the process.

NotWatchingSpooks That’s amazing. Thanks so much. I need this sort of clear thinking. For a person who holds down a professional job, I’m remarkably vague at organising my own life! Are you a professional life organiser? You should be!

Re finding a VA, I use a company called Another Mother on an ad hoc basis and they’re fantastic. They do whatever is necessary to support your business, I’ll find a link

www.anothermotheradmin.co.uk/

Another Mother admin support