Worst Mother's Day gift ever :(

[Molly1989]

So after being up every hour with DS last night including being peed on at 3am, and just having had my first shower in four days, DH presents me with my Mother's Day gift. A toilet roll holder. I want to cry. He said I didn't tell him what I wanted, but I did repeatedly, and even if I hadn't, a toilet roll holder? Meh. Anyone else care to join me in solidarity?

A loo roll holder???!!!???

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but that sounds pretty dire.

I have learnt through bitter experience to either keep my expectations low or buy my own thing(s) as presents that way anything anyone else gives you is a bonus and you don't enter entirely that awful self pitying feeling. This obviously can't compensate for someone buying a well thought out present...but it takes the edge of it and it is you appreciating yourself.

I don't think you can complain about gifts ... he tried, even if it was rubbish

@Parkerwhereareyou disgusting advice. He didn’t try at all. He also hasn’t let her have a shower for 4 days. He’s abusive so please think before you post stupid advice that keeps people in situations they need to leave.

And please don’t teach your son to ‘placate women’ with jewellery and perfume. How about just thinking about what the person would like, that’s something that people who care about people do.

@Parkerwhereareyou

I don't think you can complain about gifts ... he tried, even if it was rubbish. : (

Many many many male partners are rubbish at gifts. I'm teaching my son perfume (only the one she usually has) or jewellery and you'll never go wrong.

I have already told him you never ever buy practical gifts unless you've been given the Argos catalogue reference number.

Oh. My. God

This is the worst response ever. He didn’t try. He deliberately fucked up.

And you’re a handmaiden making excuses of “he’s a man. Men never know what to buy without being told”

Lies

My dh bought me a dvd he knew I would want to watch.

He also told me to order some books for myself as he isn’t 100% sure what books I would like, but he was the one who suggested I get them.

I mean for Valentine’s Day he bought me a bonsai tree as he knew I had wanted one for a while.

He listens. And uses his mind like a grown up adult does

My first Mother's Day I didn't even get a card after I'd spent most of the weekend helping dh put old cine films on video for his mum and add a soundtrack I was FAR from happy.

That was 27 years ago and I haven't forgotten. DH, however, has learnt!! Apparently he didn't think I'd want anything as dd1 was too little to go shopping...

Today was zoom brunch cooked by youngest dd while I saw my other 3 at a distance at least. Happy Mother's Day to allx

I would just give it back to him, unwrapped, on Fathers Day.

I bought myself lots of lovely flowers yesterday, also croissants and strawberry Bucks Fizz so I'd have a nice breakfast. And I made a gorgeous cake.

When I read this, I thought it must be a very expensive/ special holder that you had been asking for (although couldn't think for the life of me what!) But no.
I'd be showered and out, building the strength to tell him that it's not ok. I hope you were 'selfish' today

I wonder how many lovely sunny Sundays spoilt by mother’s stomping around in a mood or being very martyrish and subdued?

I didn’t get a present.

Omg what an awful gift. Go to the shop and buy yourself a big box of chocolates and some flowers. We don't need men to treat us we really don't. I mean yeah they should know we want nice and pretty things. But men are often useless with gifts. It's just the embarassment when people say oh what did he get you isn't it. Ermm lol. X

@mumboss1984

I didn’t get a present.

So do something about it!

Why the fuck do so many women just keep their mouths shut when they are being treated like this?

@thetemptationofchocolate

Toilet roll for his birthday - excellent idea! I'm wondering if Izal is still sold these days, that would be perfect for him.

I was thinking that too. And it's amazing what you can find on eBay...

Seriously, though, what a shit present (in every sense of the word). I'm reminded of a heartbreaking article I read some years ago, written by a wronged wife. She said that one of the most hurtful things of all was finding out that her husband's Christmas present to his mistress had been an expensive piece of jewellery, whilst his gift to her was a new bread-bin for the kitchen.

Hugs, OP.

My son has special needs, multiple ones. He saved up some money and got me a bottle of 4711 cologne because he knows I love to use it in Spring and Summer when it's hot - I soak face flannels in it mixed with water and put them in the freezer and fridge to cool us down.

Because he's thoughtful. Not a thoughtless, abusive, demeaning, total arsehole like this OP's spouse and so many of these men on here.

And no, they do not have to be trained, or are rubbish by nature, etc.

I don't need to remind my husband to pull his head out and buy a gift for him mother, send her cards, ring her, ask how she's doing even on FB because that's just basic care for someone you love.

@StopSearching

Although if it was one of these...

Sorry, off topic but these are fab!!!!

@Parkerwhereareyou

I don't think you can complain about gifts ... he tried, even if it was rubbish. : (

Many many many male partners are rubbish at gifts. I'm teaching my son perfume (only the one she usually has) or jewellery and you'll never go wrong.

I have already told him you never ever buy practical gifts unless you've been given the Argos catalogue reference number.

See, the trouble I think is he DIDNT try! Unless this was something that op wanted for some reason ( and I seriously doubt it) thus was actually a bit insulting. No effort made in even trying anything in the house - breakfast/ lunch - even a break to go and have a shower. I haven't read op's other threads but it appears that this disrespect is not a one off, and maybe op needs to be seriously thinking about how she sees her relationship going forward.

@willibald spot on.
Men who are ‘rubbish’ at gift buying just don’t care.
Once I’d forgive, but if they don’t learn it’s because they’re not bothered about their partners feelings.
My dh once bought me a cafetière and a cheese grater for Christmas.
The next Christmas I got emerald and diamond earrings!
He learned.

Of course you can complain about an actual shit related 'gift' that isn't even for you.

I'm sick of reading this shit. Why is everyone (including me - now divorced thank God) living with such shit substandard men. Why do we set our standards so very very low.

See, the trouble I think is he DIDNT try! Unless this was something that op wanted for some reason ( and I seriously doubt it) thus was actually a bit insulting. No effort made in even trying anything in the house - breakfast/ lunch - even a break to go and have a shower. I haven't read op's other threads but it appears that this disrespect is not a one off, and maybe op needs to be seriously thinking about how she sees her relationship going forward.

That sort of disrespect, selfishness and thoughtlessness never is a one-off, sadly.

tara66

OP make sure he has to wear it on his head all day

Having read through, a more appropriate place to shove it springs to mind. They’re usually about the right shape .....

My first Mother's Day as a biological mum (I was already a step mum), my now ex husband decided it was better to get me a card that said "to my wife on Mother's Day" rather than one to Mummy from our daughter. It ended with me in tears and him stomping down the newsagents at 7:30am for a replacement.

The following year, he took heed* and got me the novel The Bad Mother's Handbook as a gift.

We got divorced a few years later.

In all honesty I really don't give two hoots these days about MD. I suspect this is partly due to years of crashing thoughtlessness on my ex's part. I would rather a fiver gift chosen by my kids than anything else.

*sarcasm

I'd get him some "who gives a crap" loo roll for Father's Day
Order yourself something frivolous and lovely
I told husband I'd like some (cheap) ear pods for Mother's Day , had lovely day and opened pressies but not those so just ordered myself some

It's like people who buy you a gift they know you won't like but they do so they can have it. Not funny, cute or endearing. It's selfish and mean spirited.

Yesterday I saw a hot cross bun scented candle. I don't like hot cross buns. But I know my daughter loves them so I bought the candle, I buy one every month to burn in the sitting room, because it will please her and make her smile, because I love her and think of her.

See the difference?

Don't waste your life with people who shit on you.

@Parkerwhereareyou

I don't think you can complain about gifts ... he tried, even if it was rubbish. : (

Many many many male partners are rubbish at gifts. I'm teaching my son perfume (only the one she usually has) or jewellery and you'll never go wrong.

I have already told him you never ever buy practical gifts unless you've been given the Argos catalogue reference number.

What will he do if he meets someone like me who wears neither?

Non-mother days cards, from my box of cards, so not brought for today.

No flowers.

Meal cooked, but then eldest ds usually cooks sunday roast. Younger DS did pudding.

I did channel my inner-mn, and explained to everyone it would have been nice to get some flowers, and how I always put an effort into their birthdays, Christmas etc. Apparently, the deal was that they would cook...

What pis..d me off more is that I had two deliveries today for ds’s birthday next week, and I thought if I can get things delivered, these tech-savvy kids could do something.

Rant over