[quote Eckhart]@Splicedbananas
Do you think men like this really listen? I've been in this situation and they don't, they just turn it round to you and accuse you of being a nag or other sins until you get worn down. Maybe it's true that OP has been brought up not to think of herself first (or at all) and that compounds it. It does in time ruin the love and respect you have for the men too
People who say, I just don't know why someone doesn't stand up for themselves just don't get it. Although it is the best way, it's something that people learn to do in healthy families or because someone supports them in being assertive
No. People who say that say it because they understand that if a person hasn't learned to be assertive via good parenting, they need to learn now, to prevent their crap relationship wrecking their life altogether. You're right, people like OP's partner don't listen, so OP must take responsibility for herself. You're saying that he won't listen, that OP's respect for him will be diminishing, and that OP has not learned to be assertive. It's all true, but what's your solution, if it's not for OP to take responsibility and learn to be more assertive?[/quote]
No, because they generally say, I don't know why you're a doormat/don't just say something as if it's that straightforward and that everyone just has husbands who are good communicators or that they have been brought up to be assertive. I'm not talking about posters who offer suggestions about how to be assertive or who encourage someone to learn the skills, I'm talking about people who just berate the OP for not being like them with no empathy or understanding of why that might not be easy.
I agree that it's important to learn the skills and have the support to do so, through friends/counselling/assertiveness training. But just to berate the OP isn't helpful.