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Original poster

Worst Mother's Day gift ever :(

360 replies

Molly1989 · 14/03/2021 08:09

So after being up every hour with DS last night including being peed on at 3am, and just having had my first shower in four days, DH presents me with my Mother's Day gift. A toilet roll holder. I want to cry. He said I didn't tell him what I wanted, but I did repeatedly, and even if I hadn't, a toilet roll holder? Meh. Anyone else care to join me in solidarity?

OP posts:
Fandabydosey · 14/03/2021 14:28

@Molly1989

So after being up every hour with DS last night including being peed on at 3am, and just having had my first shower in four days, DH presents me with my Mother's Day gift. A toilet roll holder. I want to cry. He said I didn't tell him what I wanted, but I did repeatedly, and even if I hadn't, a toilet roll holder? Meh. Anyone else care to join me in solidarity?
@Molly1989 give him a blank sealed envelope today. When he opens it with confusion on his face at the empty envelope tell him 'it's steak and blow job day' and his voucher for it is in the envelope. But its empty he will say, chip in with a surprised look on your face and say we must have both got our gifts from the 'lame gift shop'!
willibald · 14/03/2021 14:30

@TheFoz

I have a 10 day old baby. I got nothing. We both have children from previous relationships. He never asks them if they want to go to the shops to get something for me for birthday/Christmas etc. Yet he expects me to bring his kids to get him something. I’m really hurt and disappointed. We went through three miscarriages to have this baby and I needed a section, something I absolutely did not want. In saying that he’s been very good cooking and bring food down to bed for me while I recuperate and get breastfeeding established but I’ve also undergone major surgery to have our baby. 😔
It's no surprise his relationship with the mother of his children broke up. He expects you to service him but does nothing in return. Why do you do that then? Don't do it anymore. His being 'good' is the bare minimum. Don't you expect more? It's sad how many women have relationships with men who don't respect them at all but expect respect in return.

In all these scenarios the gifts are just the tip of the iceberg, too.

StopSearching · 14/03/2021 14:37

Yes obviously it has to be the woman's fault.

In this particular circumstance I do think that OP has to take some responsibility here. Why has she not had a shower for 4 days.

Why isn't she posting about that rather than some shit gift on a made up day.

If he was really stopping her from having a shower, then she is in an abusive relationship and needs advice on how to leave it.

I'm getting the impression that OP just wants to have a moan about him but not actually do anything to help herself.

Whether that is because she is scared of him, or doesn't know how to seek help or doesn't even realise she is being abused, I don't know.

I don't think people posting competitive misery or laughing at ways to get back at him realise how serious this situation could be for OP.

Several people have asked why she hasn't showered for 4 days but OP is avoiding answering.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
SixesAndEights · 14/03/2021 14:40

And yes, I'm aware I've been an enabler and need to work on my self esteem and respect, and eventually find the courage to leave.

Have some Flowers from me @Molly1989 and I hope you find the courage to leave soon. xxxxx

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/03/2021 14:42

OP you need to stop being a martyr. You were handed a fucjing toilet roll holder for mother's day and then you went and cooked him breakfast,bit you've not had a shower in 4 days and he gets a breakfast cooked for him in mother's day. You need to kick up shit. Go and tell him to look after his fuckinv child while you get a bath or shower. Tell him to get dinner made for you, something you actually like, or better tell dick selfish dick the relationship is over!
My partner is working away for the weekend he still.mabaged to arrange afternoon tea for me and my mum and have a gift delivered for me. Stop allowing yourself to be treated this way!

contrary13 · 14/03/2021 14:47

For my mother's first Mothering Sunday after I was born (40 odd years ago), my father bought her a wheelbarrow.

She was not impressed.

He couldn't understand why she was not impressed.

Men just... well, they either don't listen (to being told what you would like for a gift) or they don't think/care. Maybe a combination of both. I stopped buying my ex Father's Day gifts when our son was 2, because he literally told me that he didn't care about Mothering Sunday - it's "a stupid holiday" and "meaningless", oh, but he'd like X, Y, Z for his Father's Day gift... Our son's 16 now and just as "meh" about Mothering Sunday. I have neither card nor gift from him, despite offering to pay for my own gift if he'd tell me what he'd like to get for me. "Nothing," was his response. I'm giving him some leeway, though, because he has Mock GCSE exams and a covid test tomorrow, so is pretty stressed. It's "just a day", after all, according to his father.

But at least neither bought me a toilet roll holder!!!

Flowers for everyone feeling unappreciated today.

Wearywithteens · 14/03/2021 14:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

ScabbyHorse · 14/03/2021 14:54

Get him nothing for Father's Day and go out for the whole day, buy yourself something nice.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/03/2021 14:57

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

OP you need to stop being a martyr. You were handed a fucjing toilet roll holder for mother's day and then you went and cooked him breakfast,bit you've not had a shower in 4 days and he gets a breakfast cooked for him in mother's day. You need to kick up shit. Go and tell him to look after his fuckinv child while you get a bath or shower. Tell him to get dinner made for you, something you actually like, or better tell dick selfish dick the relationship is over! My partner is working away for the weekend he still.mabaged to arrange afternoon tea for me and my mum and have a gift delivered for me. Stop allowing yourself to be treated this way!
Sorry about all the mistakes in there, was feeding a baby and I'm really pissed off on your behalf.
Littlepaws18 · 14/03/2021 15:00

@GoryGilmore

Get him a toilet brush for Father’s Day, complete the set.
This!
Splicedbananas · 14/03/2021 15:05

[quote Phoenixdays]@Splicedbananas it all lies with the op. I liken it to mental health challenges - which I suffer from. It’s only me who can change things and get better. Whether that be counselling or whatever. If you aren’t assertive and just keep moaning about your partner - I’m afraid I find that really annoying. You have to find your inner strength yourself. It’s down to you. Find a course google it. Find a way to change yourself.[/quote]
I agree that ultimately it's only you who can change things, but you firstly have to be aware that something is wrong. Why are you saying that OP is always moaning about her partner. Sometimes it takes a while to firstly understand what is wrong and then build up the strength to change it.

The OP is taking on board what people are saying. You sound like those people who just say pul your socks up to depressed people. It takes a combination of support and self direction.

I don't really understand why you're even on this board, if you think everyone should just be able to solve their problems. What's the point of it then?

TaytosandTutus · 14/03/2021 15:10

Sorry @Molly1989 you deserve better than that. Who on earth comes up with a toilet roll holder when struggling to think of a gift, rather than the obvious flowers/chocolates.
Please take care of yourself Flowers

Jux · 14/03/2021 15:11

A loo roll holder?! Shock

Mind you, my dh has always said "you're not my mother" so I got nothing until dd was old enough to give me things herself. The consequence is that dh gets nothing from me on Father's Day. So unless dd chooses to mark those days (and she is under no obligation to, she knows I don't worry about Mother's Day) then nothing much happens.

Mother's Day didn't exist throughout my youth, btw. We were Catholics so observed Mothering Sunday instead; I still tend to think of it more in that light, which may be why I'm not bothered about gifts etc especially as I 'd never have got any from dh anyway.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2021 15:13

I think it's telling and symbolic that he bought you something to enable every other member of the family to wipe their arse.

Done be sad. Get angry. Really angry. And don't spend another Mother's Day with him if he doesn't add to your life.

Reader57 · 14/03/2021 15:16

I’ve had a book, card and flowers from my eldest daughter, a WhatsApp message from my daughter in the States (Mother’s Day is 3 weeks later over there so she never remembers beforehand ) and a lovely card and homemade bookmark from my 3 year old grandson ( autistic, PDA). . Nothing from my son but that’s totally fine, he and my Dil are so so stressed trying to get help for grandson, he’s just trying to keep his head above water...just wish I could do more to help...can’t wait until they are allowed over for a proper family meal 🥰🥰

notdaddycool · 14/03/2021 15:18

I’ll confess that I mentioned to my wife I’d got my mum something for Mother’s Day the first year we were parents and she reminded me the baby was too small to sort itself. It was a couple of weeks ahead of the big day so all was fine. Mummy and grant got nice presents and cards this year.

doctorhamster · 14/03/2021 15:28

He handed you a toilet roll holder and then you cooked him breakfast??? What the actual fuck is wrong with you?

Phoenixdays · 14/03/2021 15:33

@Splicedbananas I have seen ops other posts. Having suffered with depression and anxiety I think I’m fully aware you can’t just pull your socks up. I just don’t think multiple threads on the same issues solves anything. The answers are work on your self esteem with counselling if necessary, talk to him or leave. I don’t think there’s much else to say. Same with the depression, people talked and talked to me and offered advice. I didn’t want to listen. I made no changes. One day after years of it, I started changing, not because of what anyone said but because I decided to.

Anne1958 · 14/03/2021 15:37

@molly1989

Quite honestly I’d have told him to stick his toilet roll holder up his arse.

LookItsMeAgain · 14/03/2021 15:42

I'd get him nothing for Father's Day (as you're so tired, haven't showered, haven't slept through the whole night etc. etc. etc.) and give him the Toilet Brush for his birthday.

Seriously, you need to have a chat with how he is able to have a shower and you're not, how you're doing the cooking and he isn't, how he had a nap in the afternoon and you didn't. He isn't stepping up to being a parent. He's barely stepping up to being a partner based on your posts OP. I am sorry if this is upsetting to read but you deserve to have your feet up today and to be able to have a shower when you want but you're not getting that.
Time to set out what is and isn't acceptable anymore. It doesn't matter that you're not his mother, you are the mother to his child.

Hope you're able to have a nice Mother's Day

waterlego · 14/03/2021 15:43

I never expect a gift on MD. My children make me cards and a cake 😋

Notnownotneverever · 14/03/2021 15:47

Get him a toilet roll for this toilet roll holder for Fathers Day

StopSearching · 14/03/2021 15:51

Although if it was one of these...

Worst Mother's Day gift ever :(
Worst Mother's Day gift ever :(
houselikeashed · 14/03/2021 15:52

Hi OP. Happy Mother's Day to you.

I'm sorry you are not appreciated. Your baby appreciates you though.
I think you need to snuggle down on the sofa or in bed, and watch a film or something. Baby will be looked after by Dad. Tell DP what you are going to do, and that he is in charge now. Have a long soak in the bath. Can you order in some nice food for tonight?

It's lovely as the DC get older and give you really weird gifts, but not DP's.
Have a lovely rest of the day.

Parkerwhereareyou · 14/03/2021 15:58

I don't think you can complain about gifts ... he tried, even if it was rubbish. : (

Many many many male partners are rubbish at gifts. I'm teaching my son perfume (only the one she usually has) or jewellery and you'll never go wrong.

I have already told him you never ever buy practical gifts unless you've been given the Argos catalogue reference number.