Arseholes Who've Ruined Groups And Hobbies

[EineReiseDurchDieZeit]

Moved house last year, then COVID happened.

I am CEV and so have done loads of shielding and joining a hobby group I was looking forward to post move hasn't happened but I am on their mailing list. For this specific thing they are my only option locally.

Get emails from the mailing list regularly and having had my interest piqued googled the social media presence of the named sender.

They are clearly an arsehole, a massive, tedious, arsehole with very "set views" which I imagine would need to be agreed with by any incomers, which is not going to happen. (They are a group organiser)

So potentially that's this group out the window...

Which made me think, MNers, were you / have you ever left a group style hobby you really enjoyed because of That One Arsehole and

What did they do? How bad was it?

@DinosApple

Pregnancy yoga was mine.

I had recently moved to the area where DH had grown up, but knew no one apart from him and his family.
Pregnant with our first I thought I'd better get out and meet people so tried a yoga group.
For I think 3 months I persisted. The other women were ok, but not hugely outgoing, but the teacher was cliquey and rude.

Every week we'd say our names/how far along we were etc, she'd remember everyone's - except mine - she'd pause and go 'Err and you are?', no apology. She also knew DH and had no trouble remembering his name .

Gave up in the end, and met some lovely people at the local toddler group once baby had been born.

I've never known anybody's name at any yoga class, either teacher or students.

Met a great bunch of women online. Or mostly a great bunch. One of them slowly revealed herself to be an utter crackpot, policing what we said in our group and constantly side messaging to try and create a divide. She’d ring some members of the group up and shout and cry at them down the phone about whatever fabricated issue was bothering her and it culminated in her flouncing away from the group because we were basically a bunch of bitches

I've thought of another one but it was volunteering not a hobby group

For 2 years I lived in an insular market town with an overinflated opinion of itself. Eg a total dump with a serious drug problem that thinks itself posh due to the reputation of the county.

A really nice woman started a large charity from scratch herself and took over a disused building to run it. Lots of people including me, put themselves forward as it was one of those causes that people feel strongly about.

I met the lead and liked her. I went for my first session and never went back. The lead woman wasn't there, the two that were literally spoke to me like I was something they trod in, seriously horrifically rude.

Later, I found out two of my neighbours had also volunteered there and lasted a bit longer than me but not by much I think a few weeks apiece. A relative of mine went and donated some items the lead had told me they were in desperate need of, and I had called in a favour, the lead wasn't present again and one of the two rude women received them and the reception was hostility and ungratefulness

It was SUCH a good cause as well.

@LunaNorth

I jacked my allotment in thanks to the guy on the next plot.

Constantly commenting on how little I was there (some of us have jobs, dickhead), offering unsolicited advice, and then the last straw was when he complained that my DH wasn’t friendly to him (that’s because he thinks you’re a cunt, Roy).

I jacked it in. I went there to escape stress and drama, not be faced with more.

'that’s because he thinks you’re a cunt, Roy'

Just made me spit tea out.
I've sent this page to my friend who has similar issues with her allotment neighbours. He will be Roy from now on.

I joined an amdram group in my early 20s, did one show with them and loved it. Lovely director, nice people and I made some great friends.

The second show I did had a different director who took it all very seriously and acted as though he was directing a professional production of Hamlet at The Globe, and not a local amdram Christmas panto. Screamed at everybody during every rehearsal, gave chorus members approximately 1 hour to learn a long dance routine (none of whom were professional dancers) and when we were not absolutely step perfect after this one hour, cut the whole song from the show due to the chorus members being “shit”. Made it clear he had no time for chorus members, couldn’t be arsed and so we ended up being onstage for around a total of 15mins for the entire show, mainly just standing around in the background being “crowd fillers” and doing nothing. Screamed at me aggressively in front of the whole cast for talking during a scene, when I was explaining to another cast member who had missed the previous rehearsal what we were supposed to be doing in that scene. I cried my eyes out when I got home as I was so upset and humiliated.

I stupidly stayed and did the show. Looking back I really wish I’d walked out, he was a jumped up little prick. Luckily for the following show the previous lovely director was back, so I stayed with the company until I moved away from the area.

I would never put up with that now. I have to put up with enough shit from people at work, and I get paid for that. There’s no way I’d put up with that type of behaviour for something that’s meant to be fun and sociable ever again and I’d walk out straight away. I really wish I had as the show ended up being a miserable experience due to him.

Roy strikes again (and his name really is Roy) - I'm on a FB hobby group, there's a lot of members, some world class, some average amateurs like me, some beginners. A complete mix. He's only gone and denigrated a new hobbyist's efforts for no reason at all that I can think of. Cunt.

I think most of these people are on some sort of ego trip. Sort of: “Look how clever I am.”

I often wonder if they realise how despised they are. I guess not.

I’d be interested to know how many of these group-ruiners achieve success in their paid roles (if they have them). I suspect a lot of it stems from frustration at feeling unrecognised in other areas of life. Also women who have not had the opportunity to use their abilities in a fulfilling way for whatever reason (lack of access to education or training, family/societal dynamics etc).

Don’t get me wrong, I have worked with plenty of people who are capable of acting like this in the workplace too, but that’s why it feels like lot of these stories come from people who can’t exercise their worst excesses there so inflict them on people in their spare time!

@emptyraspberry

Roy strikes again (and his name really is Roy) - I'm on a FB hobby group, there's a lot of members, some world class, some average amateurs like me, some beginners. A complete mix. He's only gone and denigrated a new hobbyist's efforts for no reason at all that I can think of. Cunt.

Can you post something soothing for the new member? Something like "Please ignore Roy. He has reasonable knowledge of X hobby but prefers to use it to be mean to others rather than helping. I think he needs to bully people to have some sense of self-worth. Don't hesitate to use the 'Hide all from Roy' option or block him if his lack of manners bothers you. The rest of us are not as socially inept so please don't be put off." Just so that the new member doesn't feel that Roy is representative of the group in general.

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar Several other people had already beaten me to it. This is a national hobby and national FB group - but of course there are no meetings at all at present, so everyone is relying on social media to keep in touch. The poster lives elsewhere in the country but Roy is local to me and I know him quite well. Unfortunately. I think that some other people in our club might have much the same opinion of him as I do!

I merely posted something to the effect that the opinions to value were the ones who were enthusiastic and encouraging towards newbies.

@swimlyn Yes, it was a "Look how clever I am" kind of comment, and he has an ego the size of a planet. Uranus.

LittleLion - I also joined an am dram group.

There were some professional actors, whose careers never took off.

They were a bunch of bullies.

I was so glad to leave.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Absolutely correct, *@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS* - I have STABLE (stash acquired beyond life expectancy) but I don’t let that stop me lusting after more yarn!

Same, I've got wool in the stash that's probably 15 years old at least.

Occasionally I get out some of my yarn, and look at patterns on Ravelry, to see if I can find something to knit with it. Generally it then hangs around in the front room until I have a tidy-up and bung it back into one of the many hiding places for my stash.