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Arseholes Who've Ruined Groups And Hobbies

538 replies

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 08/03/2021 18:18

Moved house last year, then COVID happened.

I am CEV and so have done loads of shielding and joining a hobby group I was looking forward to post move hasn't happened but I am on their mailing list. For this specific thing they are my only option locally.

Get emails from the mailing list regularly and having had my interest piqued googled the social media presence of the named sender.

They are clearly an arsehole, a massive, tedious, arsehole with very "set views" which I imagine would need to be agreed with by any incomers, which is not going to happen. (They are a group organiser)

So potentially that's this group out the window...

Which made me think, MNers, were you / have you ever left a group style hobby you really enjoyed because of That One Arsehole and

What did they do? How bad was it?

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 11/03/2021 16:44

@busybee2334

🤣 conversation had to be about or include penguins in some form - this really ended up being a chat about her holiday with her “male partner” (yep really!), where they dressed as penguins, saw penguins, I think became penguins etc etc. I remember seeing the photos and stabbing myself with a knitting needle, repeatedly, in a vain attempt to Not. Laugh.
She was knitting penguin socks.

I really can’t remember what I was supposedly knitting! It was not penguin related!

SylHellais · 11/03/2021 16:54

This thread is amazing. I’ve enjoyed every second easing it!

I joined a yoga group and it was all quite calm and relaxed until Barbara (Roy’s wife) wafted in. We all knew that Barbara had been an actress in the 1970s because that was the first thing she said about herself before even her name.

From then on, Barbara had to be the centre of attention in every class. If she wasn’t wafting her kaftan around opening and shutting windows with exaggerated shivers or the back of her hand pressed dramatically to her forehead to signify heat and possible fainting, she was asking for the instructor in a breathy little-girl stage whisper to help her with nearly every move.

Honestly, the tension levels in the class shot up every time she was there because she was so fucking annoying and me me me. If someone opened a window, she’d go and close it. If they closed it, she’d open it. If the instructor was helping anyone else, Barbara would start squeaking and waving her hand to get her attention. When everyone else was lying on the floor for shavasana, she’d stand up and start doing deep breaths while stretching her legs and arms and omming all over the shop.

I stopped going after a few weeks of this before I smothered Barbara with her fucking kaftan.

borntobequiet · 11/03/2021 17:36

I've had times where I've really wanted to use a weights machine and some man is on it for ages, or I've gone to a machine, not realising it was in use, and adjusted the weights and then some man's come up and gone 'don't do that, I'm using it'

I’m old enough and stroppy enough now to just look at them and say “No, you’re not.” And then just get on with it. They look daggers but I don’t care.

Ohforarainyday · 11/03/2021 18:01
  • [content warning - concerns child abuse]

I used to be part of an am-dram society that dramatically split into two separate groups after the retired chair sent an email casually mentioning that he'd been convicted of possessing hundreds of images of child sexual abuse of the highest grade of severity (torture and penetration).

He was spared prison on grounds of age and ill health so no one knew.

Am-dram society wanted to let him attend the dress rehearsal of all the productions since it was so unfair he wasn't allowed to attend the public performances.

Pro-kiddie fiddler lot started their own splinter group!

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 11/03/2021 18:02

@sylHellais GrinGrin smothered with her own kafkan... Am shaking with laughter.

Dailyhandtowelwash · 11/03/2021 18:04

@SylHellais I am now (unfairly to her I'm sure) imagining Barbara Knox off Corrie in your yoga class.

Tankflybosswalkjam · 11/03/2021 18:22

@Ohforarainyday WTF?

Firstly why did he casually mention it? And secondly why the very fuck would anyone want to be breathing the same air as him?

MNWorldisCrazy · 11/03/2021 18:33

@TheBitchOfTheVicar

Doing some online postgrad study in the evenings. There is a study-group member who persists in leaving their camera on despite being the only non-lecturer to do so. Always contributes and wants to answer everything. When not invited to, adds onion to the chat instead. Yawn!
Onion??????? Confused
EggyPegg · 11/03/2021 18:39

@Ohforarainyday

I used to be part of an am-dram society that dramatically split into two separate groups after the retired chair sent an email casually mentioning that he'd been convicted of possessing hundreds of images of child sexual abuse of the highest grade of severity (torture and penetration).

He was spared prison on grounds of age and ill health so no one knew.

Am-dram society wanted to let him attend the dress rehearsal of all the productions since it was so unfair he wasn't allowed to attend the public performances.

Pro-kiddie fiddler lot started their own splinter group!

Christ, what is it about am-dram. I was in one where a stalwart of the group was cast as the Dame in every panto we did (he did it well). One year, a week before we opened, he phoned the director to say that he would not be able to take part as he had been arrested for child abuse images. The director had to jump in and take his place and I had to take the lead in all of our scenes as I had the most scenes with him as he was off book but not confident about it. The ex-Dame did go to prison for a short time and we never heard from him again. I assume he left the area as his picture was in the paper (a pillar of the community).
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/03/2021 18:46

@MNWorldisCrazy, @TheBitchOfTheVicar came back and said it was a typo, and onion should have been opinion.

shinynewapple21 · 11/03/2021 19:07

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

To all of you who have had bad experiences with knitting groups - please come and visit mine (when we are finally allowed to meet up again).

You can knit, crochet, embroider, or just turn up for a blether. We chat about pretty much anything, and we meet in a lovely restaurant which serves the best coffee, delicious home made soups, and where the staff look after us wonderfully well.

It can be done.

Where is this lovely group @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

theartofstirfry · 11/03/2021 19:10

I never even got to join the book group 🤣🤣 a friend mentioned it to me, I said it sounded great and I’d love to join for the next read. Said she’d send me the details etc. Book club head honcho declined my request to join because apparently she didn’t think I’d like the books (it wasn’t a specific category of books, just a general book club) and I didn’t really know anyone Grin

OnedayIHope · 11/03/2021 19:39

I attended a dance class. I used to turn up on my own because I loved dancing, even though I am shy. A man called me a dyke in a spiteful voice. I was very hurt and didn't go back.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/03/2021 19:59

Near Paisley, in Scotland, @shinynewapple21.

IcelandThree · 11/03/2021 20:11

I joined a local writing group, which met at 10.30am on a Sunday. One woman joined and was very drunk each time, despite clearly thinking that she appeared sober.

She would read out her work, stop midway through, and glare at one of use, saying 'WHAT. Why are you LOOKING at my like that'. When other people read their work she would give an endless either overly harsh or overly effusive feedback. It was all too tense, I left after she turned up 3 times. It was a shame she had such a bad drinking issue, as she was a phenomenally good writer.

I also joined a book group - turned up, only 2 women there, who were regulars. Fine. One more woman turned up, who was also new. So four of us. Small group, I thought, and soon found out why. Whenever I or the other new woman spoke, the two regulars would flick through their phones. Never went back.

The best book group I was ever in was one that read solely post-apocalyptic books. It was great - funny and friendly.

SylHellais · 11/03/2021 20:19

@IrmaFayLear

Thank you Smile

People are quite unfriendly round here. In 17 years I’ve spoken to our neighbours maybe three times. When we moved in I went round and introduced myself to one side, and she said, “Hmmph, I was so disappointed when I heard a family was moving in”. Well, at least she was honest! Her dh also threatened to call the police when ds had a party. I would have liked to have seen the police’s faces when they charged in to break up a rave at 3 o’clock in the afternoon and found 12 8-year-olds in Star Wars costumes....

That and your book club story are awful. They don’t deserve you, you sound really nice.
Petlover9 · 11/03/2021 20:48

What does "CEV" mean please

shinynewapple21 · 11/03/2021 20:55

In what context , @Petlover9 ?

If it's to do with Covid, shielding and vaccinations it's clinically extremely vulnerable

Not sure if that's what you are asking on this thread ?

SuddenArborealStop · 11/03/2021 20:55

@expat101 I know it's not high brow literature but I'd join a book group that focused only on the seven sisters ... tiggy is my favourite sister and I really thought I'd hate electra but I actually really liked her even though her story did little for me.

KevinTheGoat · 11/03/2021 21:07

@YourWurstNightmare

Every online group moderated by Americans I've been in for the past year descends into a purity spiral of identity politics.
That's exactly why I don't like getting involved. It's like a political pissing contest, and it's exhausting trying to keep up with what is and isn't the 'right' thing to say.
DidgeDoolittle · 11/03/2021 21:21

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

To all of you who have had bad experiences with knitting groups - please come and visit mine (when we are finally allowed to meet up again).

You can knit, crochet, embroider, or just turn up for a blether. We chat about pretty much anything, and we meet in a lovely restaurant which serves the best coffee, delicious home made soups, and where the staff look after us wonderfully well.

It can be done.

I completely agree. I go to a knitting group that is the highlight of my week. We all get on, no bitching or cliques, everyone supports each other and we have a laugh. We can knit, crochet or just natter. We mostly natter. We have continued to zoom each week throughout the last year, but it's not the same as a face to face giggle. I have, previously, been to another knitting group that was a nightmare. Several strong personalities competing for pole position. One of them was terrifying. When we saw her coming we would all hold hands under the table. She was that frightening. Everyone's knitting, private life, children, clothes, diet etc were all up for her withering comments and put downs. Eventually the group folded as people just walked. Such a shame.
sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 11/03/2021 21:39

We'll call her Anne, because that is her name. She was always a bit... odd. She would turn up to every group meeting/event, but never actually do anything. She'd just sort of hover around everyone else, silently lurking, and then she'd suddenly get really arsey with other members 'correcting' them really rudely and abruptly, even though she was 100% wrong. I think we all put it down to her probably being a bit lonely, so no one ever said anything, but we all used to exchange looks. She got odder as time went on.

The first time was during a group Christmas get together, and pretty much all of the members were there. It was very informal, but after about 40 minutes of milling about, group leader called us all over to do a general 'thanks for all your work' chat. Just before he launched into his speech, he took a quick photo of us gathered altogether, then started talking. About 30 seconds in, Anne walked across to him and said 'Can you take the photo again? I don't think anyone could see me in the first one.' We then had to all stand awkwardly doing our best posed faces as he took the photo again - which she then insisted on inspecting to make sure she was front & centre. Gratified, she then said 'You can give your speech now.' Which was a bit weird.

The usual thing was to do the group meeting/event and then go for coffee. One time, the leader of the group had bought me a book as a thank you for some extra work I'd done. Anne asked if she could have a look at it, so I handed it over. After half an hour, she hadn't looked at it, and was getting up to leave. She put MY book in her bag as she said her goodbyes. I said 'Oh, Anne, can I have my book back please?' 'What book?' 'The book you just put in your bag, that X gave me.' 'That's not your book, you said I could have it.' Thankfully the group leader was there and said 'No, Anne, I bought that for Sadeyed' She yanked it out of her bag, slapped it on the table, and hissed at me 'It's not YOUR book.' That was quite awkward.

The next time, I wasn't actually present, but she reduced another group member to tears by launching into an absolute tirade of homophobic abuse when he brought his husband along. It was, by all accounts, absolutely vitriolic. At which point she was asked to leave, and it was later made clear to her that she could not remain a member unless she apologised directly to the man involved. She refused.

About a year later, I was running an event on my own for the first time, when I realised the group of people I was talking to had been joined by someone who looked familiar. At the end of my talk, this woman absolutely buttonholed me, asked endless questions, kept going on and on and on about how this was BRAND NEW INFORMATION to her, she'd never even heard of this hobby, how interesting it all was, was there a group she could join?

Yes. It was Anne.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 11/03/2021 21:48

@IrmaFayLear

Thank you Smile

People are quite unfriendly round here. In 17 years I’ve spoken to our neighbours maybe three times. When we moved in I went round and introduced myself to one side, and she said, “Hmmph, I was so disappointed when I heard a family was moving in”. Well, at least she was honest! Her dh also threatened to call the police when ds had a party. I would have liked to have seen the police’s faces when they charged in to break up a rave at 3 o’clock in the afternoon and found 12 8-year-olds in Star Wars costumes....

Surrey?

That police footage would’ve been comedy gold, would have made your son’s party too! Although you’d never have been able to top it next year Grin

TalktotheFoot · 11/03/2021 21:51

@sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea

I know another Anne. She too is looking all the time for things to find fault with or complain about, and by golly she always manages to find something. I have left group meetings early a couple of times with steam coming out of my ears because of it, but I'm damned if I'm going to let her win.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 11/03/2021 22:01

@TalktotheFoot I was lucky, because I knew the leader & quite a few others before I joined, so they took me under their wing. It was a lovely group, and I made friends for life there, but if I hadn't felt their support, I would have left after the book thing, because I was so new to the group.

You do have to wonder what they get out of being so negative all the time?

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