Arseholes Who've Ruined Groups And Hobbies

[EineReiseDurchDieZeit]

Moved house last year, then COVID happened.

I am CEV and so have done loads of shielding and joining a hobby group I was looking forward to post move hasn't happened but I am on their mailing list. For this specific thing they are my only option locally.

Get emails from the mailing list regularly and having had my interest piqued googled the social media presence of the named sender.

They are clearly an arsehole, a massive, tedious, arsehole with very "set views" which I imagine would need to be agreed with by any incomers, which is not going to happen. (They are a group organiser)

So potentially that's this group out the window...

Which made me think, MNers, were you / have you ever left a group style hobby you really enjoyed because of That One Arsehole and

What did they do? How bad was it?

.

Love the penguin knitting group story ❤ ♥

@CarolinaWeeper

that’s because he thinks you’re a cunt, Roy

I can't help wondering whether there is an excess of arseholes called Roy, because there's one in my hobby group too!

We have an older gentlemen who likes to mansplain/share his wisdom, but he means well and is a nice and helpful chap otherwise. Luckily it's a big group and he's not in a key position so it's very much smile and nod when he does make one of his announcements.

Oh god what is it about allotments? We’ve got Barry, who isn’t exactly unpleasant but likes to hover about passing judgement on what you’re doing. “Ooh I always turn my compost 4 times a year, ooh you’re not putting that there are you, ooooh leeks have never done well in this soil” and I end up wanting to fling manure at him while laughing like a maniac and shouting PISS OFF BARRY I DON’T CARE

I changed yoga class as one woman always chatted before and after about this book she has been writing for over 40 years about some hollywood female star....but she had this awful annoying nasally whiney voice and also sounded breathless....she also runs a tea rooms and a small b and b with her over bearing racist husband....the trip advsor reviews are all terrible....stale scones, cheap tea bags etc....I always wanted to mention this to shut her up..!!

A choir. A friend and I went and despite being friendly and asking questions no one spoke to us over the six month period we attended. The leader was a total knob, we got told off for stacking the chairs incorrectly in the hall, we were wearing our lanyards (yes we all had to have one) the wrong way, we were sitting in the wrong place. We got told off for giggling (quietly) when we did not sway in time to the music correctly or do an “attitude point” action in the air in time. Pathetic. Very very cliquey and you didn’t fit in if you didn’t wear sea salt clothing, wooden chunky necklaces or silk scarves. The leader made it quite plain we were not their type, not middle class or self important enough. Yes a proper arsehole.

Allotment here too. Most of my fellow plot holders are great but there are two I try and avoid. One is a right jobsworth (committee member) and is always pulling people up for very minor infringements of site rules, I have seen him nearly come to blows with another plot holder. The other has no idea of personal space and just stands by your plot talking endlessly and offering unwanted advice even when you are clearly busy and need to get on (I’m very chatty but have my limits).

I've experienced this on courses and it honestly spoils it! One was only a three week intensive course but the other was weekly sessions for a year. It was a psychology course so there was quite a bit of group discussion and this one person would always interrupt with what can only be described as dad jokes which are bad at the best of times but felt so awkward and out of place in the middle of otherwise interesting and quite serious discussions! He was the lone man in a group of women so not sure if he maybe just felt a bit out of place or what but god it was tedious.

In your situation I'd give it a go when you're able to and give them the benefit of the doubt for a while. You can always opt out if theres a rubbish atmosphere.

I took up badminton after not playing since school. A friend asked me to come with her to a club she'd heard about. It was really struggling to find enough members.
I was not fit, or particularly good at badminton, but I had enjoyed it in school.
When I joined I explained fitness was going to be an issue starting out and that I'd need to regain some skill. I was told that it was fine, just play for fun, all welcome etc etc.
It was quickly obvious why they were struggling for members. There was a group of men there that were the most unfriendly, overly competitive, mainsplaining, condescending idiots I'd ever met.
They weren't happy unless they had aggressively thrashed us in every game. They were frustrated that we weren't good enough to play them but kept insisting on playing us.
We gave up after a few weeks. My friend found a new club but my experience totally put me off.

We had a woman join a group that had been running for a fair few years. At first she seemed really shy, and we all worked hard to make her feel welcome. After a while she took on a role on the committee and it seemed like she turned into a monster - she would ignore anything she didnt agree with, cut other people off, and throw a tantrum if you did not immediately agree with her. As this was going on, I was also noticing that in all the time I had known her she had never asked a question about me, or had any conversation with me that was a back and forth and that was not getting better over time. She also was very sneering and condescending in her comments to me on my efforts in the group. I finally confided to someone else in the group and found out they felt the same way. To make a long story short, the person I confided in was the leader of the group and it turned out that 6 out of 7 people had approached her with the same concerns. The one who didnt was the woman I am talking about. it was really sad because I think she was quite lonely, but she changed the group dynamics so much that even after she went off in a huff, the group had kind of fallen apart.

I’m female and both a decent squash and snooker player. Where shall I start?

Men are utter arseholes when they are losing to a woman.

thanks OP, just when i was planning to join in more after Covid, this thread comes along just in time to remind me to stick to solo pursuits

Car maintenance class. It was in a properly equipped workshop with a car lift and it even said in the joining instructions that everyone should take turns on it. One old fella got there first every week and got his car in the air.

The spineless instructor let him do it.

I left. Could roll around under my car in the garage at home just as uncomfortably.

I love this thread.

I am still struggling after interaction with the local WI. As a couple DP and I moved to a tiny village and asked to join. No, you can't bring a baby (fine). No, you cannot both join, you must decide which of you wishes to be a member (WTF). No, you cannot come for some events and not others, we are a committed group and if we meet at 9.3am on Thursday we need you to be there, job or no.

We beat a hasty retreat, but we still sometimes get asked (in tones implying a great favour) whether we wouldn't like to join. But only one of us! And for all the meetings, during the working week or not!

Many years ago I did some counselling training. Every single person there had more issues than Viz.

My special pet peeve are ... shite poets in writing groups. Here they are, every week, with their shite poems, always working class hero types, socking it to the man with their badly arranged prose... just fuck off.

I've decided the only way to win is to start your own group, be very specific about what you will and won't listen to, will and will not do, make a list of rules, and if people come along who won't play ball, tell them to piss off.

So, no memoirs, no poets, no journalists, no bloggers, no academic writers, no shite film scripts and no short stories. You must write novels. Those novels should be at least 150 pages long when they're eventually finished.

I'm gonna try this out, soon, IRL. I may get punched in the face, but at least I won't have to suffer any more wannabe Dylan Thomas'.

@areyoumeop

thanks OP, just when i was planning to join in more after Covid, this thread comes along just in time to remind me to stick to solo pursuits

Sorry!

Like you I am trying to "get out there more" post COVID but I read up on this person and previous experience with

The Bullying Choir Director (similar to @MrsDrudge )

And

The Womens Support Group (aka the group for Airing Breathtakingly Racist Views)

Have made me well nervous of Being A Joiner

Loads. I was doing a writing class and for some reason one man got talking about gay marriage and said that dogs may as well get married if gay men could - cue chins on table. The gay married man sitting next to him left and then the man was asked to leave.

I was recently doing a drawing class via zoom and I asked the teacher in a friendly manner, in the first session, what her art background was and she said, Oooh someone wants to know my background. Ooooh, look at you. Why don't you read my website if you're so interested? I smiled and then she proceeded to tell me every single art related incident in her life leading up to that moment. I left.

I'm sure there are more, but that's the one that I can remember right now.

I'm loving the regimented penguin related, wool gazing group and want it made into a series.

@yaboo

My special pet peeve are ... shite poets in writing groups. Here they are, every week, with their shite poems, always working class hero types, socking it to the man with their badly arranged prose... just fuck off.

I've decided the only way to win is to start your own group, be very specific about what you will and won't listen to, will and will not do, make a list of rules, and if people come along who won't play ball, tell them to piss off.

So, no memoirs, no poets, no journalists, no bloggers, no academic writers, no shite film scripts and no short stories. You must write novels. Those novels should be at least 150 pages long when they're eventually finished.

I'm gonna try this out, soon, IRL. I may get punched in the face, but at least I won't have to suffer any more wannabe Dylan Thomas'.

I'll join. Hate poets and need a novel writing group.

A local bell ringing group were looking for new people to join and I went along for a taster session. I got the impression the leader of the group had arranged for someone to tell him when he needed to wrap it up, turns out there was an ongoing issue with neighbours complaining about practice going on too late or something, and when she gave him a subtle cue he lost his shit and had a massive, frightening, purple-faced tantrum. Then he kept ringing me to find out when I was coming back, implying that I had committed myself by coming for one session.

I attended an exercise class, I became almost like some sort of pet and the clique wanted me in with them straight away. They were friendly but really suffocating.

I dont have any experience of this, but I love this thread! Ive been looking forward to getting back into an exercise group. I actually secretly hope I come across people like this.

I went to a law course at the local uni. One man monopolised the lecturers time, flirting with the lecturers, lectures over ran because he wouldn’t shut up but the lecturers let him carry on. Most students left before the next section of the course so the uni lost lots of money but ironically he also left and went to another uni for the 2nd part.

Nev on the allotments. Plot next to his was always empty because he would always moan and put off newcomers by telling them it would be too much hard work for them and so it stayed empty for years. Then he'd moan to the committee and everyone else working minding their own business that the weeds and marestail from the empty plot was spreading into his plot. Keep your trap shut Nev then someone might actually take the plot and start digging the weeds for you.

I used to do a lot of Hot yoga; everyday, sometimes twice a day! Anyone who has done it know that there a calmness that comes from the heat, to focus on yourself, the silence except for listening to the teacher and everyone moving as one in a sequence that never changes.

In one class a lady id never seen before is practicing beside me and seems hell bent on doing the exact opposite of the teachers instructions and throwing in all sorts of random moves. Proper jerky type stuff like she's limbering up for 1980s aerobics. Say the move is to reach up to the sky then bend slowly to the right. Breathe... be calm... hold it. She would throw her hands up, the throw herself from side to side, back and forth. Say the move is to stand on one foot and do a dancers pose. She's doing something totally different, mainly showing off. Madness

The teacher tried and failed to get her to follow the instructions. She would nod and smile and go off throwing shapes again. Totally off putting and ruined my class given I could see her hopping about like a loon from the corner of my eye

Every time I turned up to class she would run in last minute and park herself next to me or in front. No matter where I'd go I the room she would be RIGHT THERE. I stopped going. It was so stressful and now I'm a fat fucker again!

The studio post pics of regulars on nights out or events on FB. There she bloody is with her V signs. I'm fucking furious!