Arseholes Who've Ruined Groups And Hobbies

[EineReiseDurchDieZeit]

Moved house last year, then COVID happened.

I am CEV and so have done loads of shielding and joining a hobby group I was looking forward to post move hasn't happened but I am on their mailing list. For this specific thing they are my only option locally.

Get emails from the mailing list regularly and having had my interest piqued googled the social media presence of the named sender.

They are clearly an arsehole, a massive, tedious, arsehole with very "set views" which I imagine would need to be agreed with by any incomers, which is not going to happen. (They are a group organiser)

So potentially that's this group out the window...

Which made me think, MNers, were you / have you ever left a group style hobby you really enjoyed because of That One Arsehole and

What did they do? How bad was it?

Parish council fun times included them not giving the brownies a grant 1 year as they knew kids from outside the parish attended and putting a complaint into the local private nursery for walking the kids along a road.

Funnily enough I didn't last long after telling a stalwart to basically shut up she had no clue what she was going on about.
Not built for politics me apparently.

To all of you who have had bad experiences with knitting groups - please come and visit mine (when we are finally allowed to meet up again).

You can knit, crochet, embroider, or just turn up for a blether. We chat about pretty much anything, and we meet in a lovely restaurant which serves the best coffee, delicious home made soups, and where the staff look after us wonderfully well.

It can be done.

I went to a D&D evening, after the comic book shop did a recruitment for new players.

Me and DS went along quotes happily, ready to start a new hobby. The DM was great.
The other 4 players.... arseholes. They'd been playing this game for over a year and were entrenched. We tried valiantly to join in. Player 1, was a bit like "your character can't be in this location". And player 2 was being a year, he robbed me.. a level 1 character. And said " a gnome, we're horrible". Then Player 3 didn't contribute. player 4 kept ignoring us.

DM was trying valiantly, but in the end ended up running two parallel games.

We didn't go back, and told them why!

I was a member of a study group and we managed to really improve our understanding of the subject and our grades. Except for the original founder who lost focus and decided he was leaving the course and therefore closing down the group. He was dumbfounded when the rest of us said it was working so well we would continue without him. He threw a massive middle-aged strop as it was ‘HIS’ group. Hard luck. We are all still going strong! 😬

[quote PleaseStopExplaining]@Silurian which fansite? I got threatened with being banned from one of the Chalet School fansites because “people might find my view offensive.” Only, might, mind. No one had actually complained.[/quote]
Was it the CBB by any chance? There are some good discussions on there, but there's quite a lot of naice conservative middle-class ladies who shut down any critical discussions with 'EBD was writing for kids and not picky women, the books were a product of their time' etc. I feel like I have to be careful what I write sometimes. I get that if you like Joey or Mary-Lou, you don't want to see bashing or criticism but people are allowed to not like characters. Even I find Mary-Lou annoying, and I LIKE her.

I've left feminist groups online because I find the constant language policing exhausting. I don't get involved now. I also hate being on certain football forums where there's a little group of miserable toxic fans who ruin it for everyone.

On the subject of gyms, I'm overweight and a bit paranoid about nasty comments from men, but luckily I've not had any. I do find it really irritating when men hog equipment though. I've had times where I've really wanted to use a weights machine and some man is on it for ages, or I've gone to a machine, not realising it was in use, and adjusted the weights and then some man's come up and gone 'don't do that, I'm using it'. And yes, the grunting is annoying.

@KevinTheGoat

On the subject of gyms, I'm overweight and a bit paranoid about nasty comments from men, but luckily I've not had any. I do find it really irritating when men hog equipment though. I've had times where I've really wanted to use a weights machine and some man is on it for ages, or I've gone to a machine, not realising it was in use, and adjusted the weights and then some man's come up and gone 'don't do that, I'm using it'. And yes, the grunting is annoying.

How are they “using it” if they’re not actually on it? Time travel? Osmosis? That sort of behaviour really riles me. Would they say that to another bloke. You bet your life they wouldn’t.

I am a gym regular & a man once asked me to get off a machine so he could use it as it was his last exercise before he finished. I did but I never got back on because someone else jumped on after him. I decided that I would never do it again & the next bloke who asked me to move got a curt no. Turned out to be the new gym manager, ooops. I don’t care though they never ask other men to move.

I didn't last long at the allotment. I had one lot of nice neighbours and everyone else drove me bonkers. Everyone had an opinion but none of it came with advice or friendliness, just a lot of veiled barbs about the fact I was apparently doing it wrong. I don't have the patience for that kind of politics tbh.

It sounds like those groups who advertise as “friendly” and that “welcome new members”, when clearly they aren’t and don’t, are akin to the "nice" men in online dating. If you have to advertise the fact you’re decent human beings you probably aren’t.

@CuriousaboutSamphire - that is so sad. I guess that people like that never think it is them or that they should change, and it is easy to be the one who speaks up and then gets labelled the bad one. I would have bee speechless too!

Was it the CBB by any chance? There are some good discussions on there, but there's quite a lot of naice conservative middle-class ladies who shut down any critical discussions with 'EBD was writing for kids and not picky women, the books were a product of their time' etc. I feel like I have to be careful what I write sometimes. I get that if you like Joey or Mary-Lou, you don't want to see bashing or criticism but people are allowed to not like characters. Even I find Mary-Lou annoying, and I LIKE her

Come on now @KevinTheGoat - she’s Our One and Only!

I doubt they would tbh. I mean, I know I'm small and female and a bit chunky but dammit, I'm allowed to exercise too and how the fuck am I supposed to know someone's using a machine if nobody's there or left their stuff next to it?

I think my dad is a Barry or Roy. He's found his place though, in a social group for retired men, and sometimes even he gets out- Barried which i think has been a bit of a learning process. It also warms my heart that they are all congregated in this one group annoying each other rather than spreading our into the wider world.

@OilBeefHooked

I think my dad is a Barry or Roy. He's found his place though, in a social group for retired men, and sometimes even he gets out- Barried which i think has been a bit of a learning process. It also warms my heart that they are all congregated in this one group annoying each other rather than spreading our into the wider world.

🤣

When I left university and returned home I thought I'd join St John Ambulance. At the first meeting the leader asked "have you done any first aid training before?" And I replied "I was in the Officer Training Corp at Uni and they taught a bit of first aid."
He laughed at me and started doing fascist salutes whilst saying "Seig Heil!"
I joined a different group and complained about him. But my complaint wasn't investigated or logged.

Thought of another one - did agility with my dog who really took to it and was good as gold in class waiting for her turn to run around the course. She did so well we got moved up to the top level group. Two of the women ran' the class - one glammed up to the nines with a little fluffy lap dog, the other had a tweed hat she wore and marched around as if she owned the place. They spent the whole class gossiping and making comments about the other dogs and their owners. I was uncomfortable but stuck with it because my dog loved it so much One day, having monopolized the teacher for most of the class, and made us all wait while she tried an obstacle with her dog repeatedly, tweed twat hat made an oh my god get on with it comment when I stopped to ask the teacher a quick question on the way to the start. She obviously spoke louder than she meant to because I was really close to her and turned around to ask her what she just said. I dont think anyone had ever dared to stand up to her before, and she did that special 'I cant see or hear you even though you are standing in front of me' thing. When I told the leader that I was leaving due to their behaviour the leader immediately said 'I dont think they are being bitchy or anything'. I was annoyed at the leader for not putting a stop to their nasty behaviour, and with them for being pathetic enough to be competitive about an activity meant to let your dogs have fun running around for a while. And while I didnt care if they dissed me, nobody messes with my dog!

@OilBeefHooked

I think my dad is a Barry or Roy. He's found his place though, in a social group for retired men, and sometimes even he gets out- Barried which i think has been a bit of a learning process. It also warms my heart that they are all congregated in this one group annoying each other rather than spreading our into the wider world.

@OilBeefHooked

I think my dad is a Barry or Roy. He's found his place though, in a social group for retired men, and sometimes even he gets out- Barried which i think has been a bit of a learning process. It also warms my heart that they are all congregated in this one group annoying each other rather than spreading our into the wider world.

I think I know the group you mean. Does their group name refer to a structure you might find in your garden? My own dad is a member and complains incessantly about all the Barries and the Roys without actually realising he might be one himself.

I was a member of a hobbies group, it was about 4:1 men to women and on the whole it was very inclusive with the exception of two blokes who made moves/mansplained/monopolised any women members, especially if they were new. The chair, a formidable woman, called them both out REALLY publicly and gave a well worded speech on what true misogyny looks like, along with very clear rules that men should follow regarding women members. The looks on everyone’s faces was wondrous. Most had the good Grace to take it in, a couple looked ashamed as they realised they had been guilty of this, and one never came back.

I bloody loved that woman. This is a bit outing, she was the only woman on the committee, the only BAME and wore a hijab. She had absolutely no fucks to give.

fedupslummymummy a sort of dryer? How did you guess Mine also complains, his arch enemy is Allan though. Allan is always mansplaining. Imagine having the balls to mansplain mansplaining to a room full of white middle aged middle class men who invented mansplaining. That's Allen, that is.

@OilBeefHooked

fedupslummymummy a sort of dryer? How did you guess Mine also complains, his arch enemy is Allan though. Allan is always mansplaining. Imagine having the balls to mansplain mansplaining to a room full of white middle aged middle class men who invented mansplaining. That's Allen, that is.

OilBeefHooked yes!!!! I think my dad might actually BE Allan though.

@Tankflybosswalkjam

I was a member of a hobbies group, it was about 4:1 men to women and on the whole it was very inclusive with the exception of two blokes who made moves/mansplained/monopolised any women members, especially if they were new. The chair, a formidable woman, called them both out REALLY publicly and gave a well worded speech on what true misogyny looks like, along with very clear rules that men should follow regarding women members. The looks on everyone’s faces was wondrous. Most had the good Grace to take it in, a couple looked ashamed as they realised they had been guilty of this, and one never came back.

I bloody loved that woman. This is a bit outing, she was the only woman on the committee, the only BAME and wore a hijab. She had absolutely no fucks to give.

This is fantastic and how it should be. A common thread here is spineless leaders/teachers/chairs afraid to tackle or making allowances for the dipshits of this world and thereby effectively rewarding twatishness and driving away non-twats. It is particularly irksome when a new person comes in and destroys something which worked well, like the women only cycling group.

@OilBeefHooked

fedupslummymummy a sort of dryer? How did you guess Mine also complains, his arch enemy is Allan though. Allan is always mansplaining. Imagine having the balls to mansplain mansplaining to a room full of white middle aged middle class men who invented mansplaining. That's Allen, that is.

This is fantastic.

I'm sure my Dad is a Roy. He's highly intelligent but a product of his time. White/middle class.

He has an allotment and goes to a separate book club to my Mum. I think we can imagine why!