I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

my eyes that should say.

@AllAboutHallowsEve

I would reply in the group 'That was unpleasant and also unprofessional' and leave her to shit her pants over the weekend.

This. I wouldn't ignore it at all.

@Viviennemary

I wouldn't take it as an insult. Just means you look nice because you made an effort but don't bother for the school run. Which might be true.

But it IS an insult.

The teacher is suggesting that the OP only looks nice in the photograph due to filters.
They are also insinuating that the OP doesn't normally look nice in real life.

Back handed compliments aren't really compliments at all.

Reply 'you're probably wondering if you deleted this quickly enough. You didn't'

Then let her sweat

@boredinthouse

Don't reply on WhatsApp, the other parents will be waiting for your reply and if it's anything like our village group the gossip will spread like wildfire. Contact the head and let them deal with it.

Yes. I mean report it to the HT if you wish but really don't get dragged into the WhatsApp point scoring game. Like I said, people are very bored at the moment and it will just be entertainment. Don't get dragged in.

If this was just another mum I would ignore, but I find it hard to believe that a person who can behave like this on a whatsapp group is going to be respectful and impartial when dealing with children.

It definitely hints at a background of ongoing bitchy comments in private. I would have to take this to the school to deal with

@MedusasBadHairDay

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

This. Then block her. What a cow. Hope your OK. Bet they don't look like their pics either.

I would not be asking HT to discipline the teacher but merely to tighten up their online etiquette

It's really not for the op to suggest the course of action for the HT. You wouldn't tell any other professionals how to discipline their staff. I'd expect the matter to be dealt with in line with the school's policy.

You say she is a good teacher.
So send her a message.
I took a copy of what you posted. I believe you owe me an apology.

I wouldn’t say anything on the group chat or to her directly, but I would email it to the headteacher and/or school governors to express your concern that a teacher downloaded a photo of you from the internet and circulated it on social media to mock you.

Sure, thinking of her squirming might be fun, but it also gives her a tip off to do some damage mitigation. Better to take her by surprise.

I was all for taking the high ground but she’s a teacher? I’d be telling the head their member of staff was an unprofessional little cow

@MedusasBadHairDay

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

Better still say:
"That reminds me, I must ask the head when anti-bullying week is".

Let her squirm thinking you will be telling the HT. Bitch.

I’m a school leader and I would DEFINITELY report it to the headteacher. It is hugely unprofessional and she needs to be called out on that right away. Sorry too for you, must have been horrible and something you didn’t deserve.

@MedusasBadHairDay

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

Definitely this.

@Psychonabike

That's really horrible. The school gates do seem to bring out the worst in some. I keep my distance but can definitely observe a small group who seem to have regressed to reliving their youth when they were the in crowd, tasked with judging the rest!

I think you can take a couple of approaches.

1. Ignore, ignore, ignore
2. A private message to the perpetrator to say that you appreciate the rapid deletion but that you were disappointed by the post. Leaves it up to her to reflect on that and apologise.
3. You could talk to the HT. I have been involved in appointing teachers (with the parent council). In the interviews there has often been discussion of how the candidate sees their role in contributing to the community, recognition that parents who are excluded usually leads to children being excluded. In a very relaxed and rational way I might let them head aware that this teacher might need reminding of this role, as essentially the "bullying" of a parent is likely to be reflected in the relationships between children in the school.

It depends on how assertive you are feeling, I think. Or if you want to just forget about it as quickly as possible.

I'd go for option 3 because she's a fucking bitch and needs to be taken to task over it.

As a teacher, her actions should always be appropriate for the position she's in - especially with other Mums!

Put it through Face Tune and say “Actually, this is what I look through Face Tune”

@onyourway

Send back 'I'm not sure this was meant for me' and then move on, don't respond further, ignore any pleading messages and when you next see them, slap a big smile on your face.

When they go low, raise yourself high

This ... 🎉

she's a cheeky cow 🌺

Love the ‘when they go low, go high’ advice. I hate bullies and what she did was horrible, FFS, who does that sort of shit. But I wouldn’t address a response to any group. I would send a short and non-emotional response to her alone. Something like ‘I saw this and it obviously upset me - very cruel and unnecessary. I sincerely hope that your behaviour and role modelling to the children you teach rises well above this’. Give her a little something to think through.
Poor you - I agree that people bitch to bond, but doing it so publicly isn’t acceptable.

A teacher! Send your screenshot to the head teacher! If a grown adult is a bully she shouldn't be bloody teaching!
I'm not normally one for stirring shit with people's work, but she's entirely unprofessional.

She's a teacher. Consider making a complaint.

Admittedly I can be rather naive, but I’m shocked people do this. It’s not something I’ve seen in my own friendship groups and I really can’t imagine any of my lovely friends acting this way. Yes, people have fallen out, but nothing like this.

I think in this situation I would raise it with the Head. Not in a ‘heads must roll’ way but to let them know what is going on so it can be stopped. I probably wouldn’t bother talking to the perpetrator unless our paths were likely to cross much or unless it would make me feel better.

Btw I bet you look lovely with or without your makeup and hair done. Certainly no one would EVER mistake a photo of me as being taken with a filter, regardless of the effort I put into make up, hair and lighting!

Fuck taking the high road!

I’d moonwalk down the low road on the way to the HT’s office, thanks very much.

Seed the screenshoot back to the whole group, along with ‘Wow, this must be really awkward for you right now’

On second thoughts I might send her a direct message that says:

“I am sure you are wondering whether I saw that message, and I am afraid I did. Obviously it was very hurtful, but I was going to let it pass. However having mentioned it to people in the teaching profession who are truly appalled, they have convinced me I ought to raise it with the head.”

Then leave her to fret for the weekend.

@TerribleCustomerCervix

Fuck taking the high road!

I’d moonwalk down the low road on the way to the HT’s office, thanks very much.

🤣😂