I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

I'd be reporting it to the headteacher of the school. Very unprofessional.

@GreenSlide

Many of us are guilty of sending things like this, I don't think she was slagging you off necessarily just an 'ooh hasn't she made an effort with her Facebook photo' stupid comment but the fact she's a teacher is really bad. I don't think I'd take it to the head - that might be the best thing to do but it wouldn't be for me...I would definitely do the anti bullying week comment though, that was genius!

The difference here though is that she is a teacher at OPs school. This is why many schools have certain policies in place around social media and maintaining a PROFESSIONAL relationship with parents.

I'm not a teacher but have worked with kids. There's no way I'd be on any kind of WhatsApp group with them.

Message the group with a screenshot saying

“Thanks, I had made a bit of an effort. I will make sure to do the same for my visit to the head teacher next week”

I think the fact that she is a teacher at the school changes matters massively.

It's not just one parent gossiping and making snide comments about another.

This is a teacher making making a ride and snide comment about a parent at the school.

I'm not sure I could let this one lie tbh.

And yes, although can be seen as a back handed complimented it's also a nasty thing to do and say - especially from a teacher at the school.

I’ve just seen it’s a teacher at the school, not a parent I would definitely have to complain to the head.

I'd have emailed it to the head already.
Not to get her in trouble but she obviously off uni on that day. She needs further training, perhaps shadowed for a while.
Totally unprofessional and lacking boundaries.
Teachers even if parents should not be on school parent social media.

I would reply in the group 'That was unpleasant and also unprofessional' and leave her to shit her pants over the weekend.

Actually I’ve changed my mind. Rather than leave it as a personal matter I would send it to the HT, saying something like

“I don’t want to make an issue over my own personal hurt feelings, but having reflected on it I did feel I should bring this to your attention as I feel it strongly implies this is not the first time personal comments have been made about me or perhaps other parents behind their back by a teacher at the school. It seems unlikely to me to be an isolated incident. With that in mind I think all the staff ought to be reminded of the school guidelines on social media and perhaps have the policies reviewed.”

100% you should report to the Head. I recruit teachers and we're very clear at interview about the professional standards teachers have to uphold. Even just being part of a parents WhatsApp group, as a teacher, would normally be against school policy.

I wouldn't say a word to her but I would absolutely report it to the head.
She's a bully and needs reminding that it's not acceptable, particularly when she's supposed to be a role model for children.

I'd post the screenshot of her message and say something along the lines of 'at least I'm not ugly on the inside' I'd then put a link to a bullying website

There's no way I'd let them this they got away with it .

I know it's been said by PPs, but I really would take this to the Head. If it were just another parent, I'd just ignore or do a pithy putdown reply. But this is a teacher who's copied your profile pic, pasted it into a message to others at the school and made a nasty comment about you. Completely unprofessional and not acceptable at all.

Yep, we all make mistakes, but her mistake isn't just using the wrong whatsapp group: it's being unprofessional and probably a bully and that crosses the line into her work. Notify the Head.

I wouldn't take it as an insult. Just means you look nice because you made an effort but don't bother for the school run. Which might be true.

@Abraxan

I think the fact that she is a teacher at the school changes matters massively.

It's not just one parent gossiping and making snide comments about another.

This is a teacher making making a ride and snide comment about a parent at the school.

I'm not sure I could let this one lie tbh.

And yes, although can be seen as a back handed complimented it's also a nasty thing to do and say - especially from a teacher at the school.

I’d have to make a comment ...

@AllAboutHallowsEve

I would reply in the group 'That was unpleasant and also unprofessional' and leave her to shit her pants over the weekend.

I would do this. And then report to the Head too.

What a horrible, unprofessional bitch.

I would’ve suggested you do the following...

Post the screenshot to the WhatsApp group and say ‘I was really shocked and quite upset to find myself the subject of such a bitchy post today. I hadn’t realised until now, you were capable of being so nasty and insert her name’. I would then make a complaint to the school with the screenshot attached and I would ask them if it is within their school policy for teachers to mock parents in this way and what action they intend to take.

Unfortunately you’ve said in your post you have done ‘exactly’ the same yourself mocking other people to your friends so I’m afraid I have NO sympathy for you. It isn’t nice to be mocked and laughed at by bitchy women is it?

The fact that this was from a teacher is disgraceful! You have to let her know you saw it at the very least. I would sday that I had seen it and that it's a shame the anti bullyinbg policy doesn't include qualified teachers. Anything to make her shit herself and have a few sleepless nights.

I see it's a teacher. In that case not on.

I’d honestly hate to think my child was being taught by someone so unprofessional and careless about being so uncomplimentary about others. At the very least she needs to know what you saw.

Having encountered many teachers who had been bullied by other staff members, as well as the obvious problem in many schools, the fact that she is a teacher is what galls me most about this.

I don't know what to suggest, but I do know that the teacher part is what makes me feel it should not simply be ignored. She's hardly setting a good example to anyone if that's how she carries on. Pretty pathetic really.

When so much work is done by teachers to teach good online manners and discourage online bullying I would bring the matter to the attention of the HT. This person knows full well the consequences of making comments on social media and how easily they can be screenshot.
It would be a good lesson for all the staff on the perils of speaking your mind without engaging your brain.
I would not be asking HT to discipline the teacher but merely to tighten up their online etiquette.
What other people think of you is none of your business unless they make it your business.

I would let her know you’ve seen it at the very least, she’ll be hoping she deleted it before anyone saw. Post a photo of the screenshot and a comment like ‘assuming this wasn’t meant for one eyes’.

This is extremely unprofessional of her. If you were a more vindictive person you could complain to the Head and Governors about her crappy behaviour. But as you’ve acknowledged, you’ve done similar things in the past sending screenshots so these things do happen. I do think it’s a mistake for a teacher to be a part of a group chat like this with parents of children she teaches or has taught in the past. It’s a blurring of professional boundaries.

I would also report this to the head, it is so unprofessional and just plain nasty. I wouldn't want someone with these values teaching my kids. Yes I bet she will be crapping herself this weekend and so she should.

I think it should be reported. Especially in light of the fact there are apparently strict rules about social media fraternising between parents and teachers, even parent teachers!
Does anyone know, out of interest- Would the teacher get fired over this?

Don't reply on WhatsApp, the other parents will be waiting for your reply and if it's anything like our village group the gossip will spread like wildfire. Contact the head and let them deal with it.