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Original poster

I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

999 replies

CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend · 05/03/2021 16:22

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

  1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
  2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
  3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
  4. Something else
  5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit Sad

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 05/03/2021 17:48

Don't comment on the WhatsApp at all - no need to sink to her level - just email the headteacher and make an appointment to discuss a complaint. Attach a copy of the screenshot. Teachers are professionals and know that there are rules about this stuff (well, they should) and as such need to be held accountable for this sort of behaviour.

redspecial · 05/03/2021 17:48

for those saying ignore it, that is why people get away with this sort of crap and do it all the more.

It comes under professional standards. I'd email the school and ask for their standpoint on child and school parents messaging groups (designed to make parents lives easier and promote a sense of school community), and ask what their advice is to anyone receiving unkind messages from a staff member via their association with the school.

KnitFastDieWarm · 05/03/2021 17:48

Also, in her childish bitchy way, she’s actually inadvertently complimenting you, as you obviously look great!

OverTheRainbow88 · 05/03/2021 17:50

Sometimes silence is the best form of attack.

She will be feeling terrible and let her stew

whenwillthemadnessend · 05/03/2021 17:50

Definitely ionyourways approach. Dignity but still makes them feel the pain of embarrassment . Love it

FourTeaFallOut · 05/03/2021 17:51

@LadyMonicaBaddingham

Don't comment on the WhatsApp at all - no need to sink to her level - just email the headteacher and make an appointment to discuss a complaint. Attach a copy of the screenshot. Teachers are professionals and know that there are rules about this stuff (well, they should) and as such need to be held accountable for this sort of behaviour.
Please do this op. I know this cool girl tit for tat shit other posters are suggesting may be a quick win for the ego after such a hurtful shock but a cool head and a written complaint to the HT with a screenshot is what is needed here.
earthyfire · 05/03/2021 17:51

Very unprofessional of a teacher. My child is in a class with a pupil whose mother is a teacher at the school and she doesn't join any of the parent WhatsApp groups. I think I would speak to the school about what has happened. At my children's school they are always telling the pupils to think carefully about what they write on social media groups and they discuss the topic of digital footprint - perhaps your school needs some training on this for its staff!

LoudestCat14 · 05/03/2021 17:52

Ten pages of responses, OP's not returned and the culprit happens to be a teacher? 🙄

Wondermule · 05/03/2021 17:52

I would reply ‘Facebook?! A proper hair cut and make-up more like. You’re lucky you find the time for them’

Nekoness · 05/03/2021 17:52

It was on a group chat. Any other person could have screenshot it too. Report it to the school. If you don’t want to be seen making the complaint and think the gossip will get back to her, you could make a new email and explain it’s a group comprising of these people and you’re one of them but don’t want to identify yourself further at this point.

If she confronts you, ask what she’s talking about and can you please see what she sent and said? She won’t repeat it to your face.

She will never be able to figure out who from the group reported her and that’s her worst punishment. What the school throws at her is own doing.

LoudestCat14 · 05/03/2021 17:53

Also, no way would a teacher be a part of a mums WhatsApp group for their own school – it's a safeguarding/privacy issue for both sides.

Reiningitin · 05/03/2021 17:53

I definitely wouldn't ignore it. It's unprofessional of the teacher in the first place even to be in the WhatsApp group with mums in the school she teaches in. I bet the head doesn't know about that.

rawalpindithelabrador · 05/03/2021 17:53

Fuck ignoring that. I'd go with the anti-bullying comment.

Snowpatrolling · 05/03/2021 17:54

I’d send a message back saying “I saw that and took a screen shot, I shall consider my next move carefully”

Doesn’t mean I’d do anything but it would make her fucking squirm and think about her actions. Considering she’s a teacher at your kids school that makes this 10 times worse.

HollowTalk · 05/03/2021 17:55

It's really horrible to think of your child's teacher bitching about your appearance. I would email the head about this but wouldn't say a word to the teacher. Ever!

Nekoness · 05/03/2021 17:55

@ LoudestCat14, could be the one who cannot be named, but sadly I can totally see this scenario with a couple of teachers at our school, who both have kids there, are very chummy with a number of mums, and I sometimes wonder about that line they’re teetering on.

GaryUnicorn · 05/03/2021 17:56

I would post the picture on the group with the message - sorry, no filters used. Don’t judge others by your own standards! Add a smiley message. I’d leave the comment on there, it will kill her knowing everyone will be talking about her, and she cannot remove it!

Flamingobaby37 · 05/03/2021 17:56

The fact that she mentions the school run in the message makes it a school matter for them to investigate.

OverTheRainbow88 · 05/03/2021 17:56

@LoudestCat14

I’m part of a WhatsApp group for my sons class and teach some of his friends older siblings at secondary. Why wouldn’t I be in a group which benefits my kids because I teach siblings?

Not safeguarding or privacy issue at all.

FourTeaFallOut · 05/03/2021 17:56

@LoudestCat14

Ten pages of responses, OP's not returned and the culprit happens to be a teacher? 🙄
Maybe but even as a hypothetical my jaw is just on the floor with the volume of people who think doing nothing or worse, something useless, is the course of action when dealing with a situation like this. Would it be the same with a doctor, an accountant, colleagues? It's a real eye opener in how people become doormats in any case.
Embroideredstars · 05/03/2021 17:57

If she was just another parent I would probably post a smart comment and then engage no further.

The fact she is a teacher there changes it for me. She has breached professional conduct massively and should face the consequences even if just a talking to about online conduct by Headteacher. It brings her whole reputation into disrepute and her colleagues'. How do you know she behaves professionally to the chilren she teaches, especially yours now? It obviously does give the impression it's been discussed before....

In healthcare people have been struck off for similar.

LoudestCat14 · 05/03/2021 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RevolvingPivot · 05/03/2021 17:58

Don't reply. It will give her more reason to make fun of you and the others will love the drama. She will be shitting herself and rightly so. If she's your Facebook friend it would be interesting to share a meme / post so indirectly she may know you know. You want her to worry. She must care / be bothered by you otherwise she wouldn't have posted it? Sad person.

SleepRegression · 05/03/2021 17:58

Reply
Thanks for the compliment #nofilter

howmuchistoomuch2021 · 05/03/2021 17:59

I like @Hidinge suggestion. I'd want her to know id seen it. But I think suggestions of going to the headteacher are a bit much tbh. We've all put our foot in our mouth at times, and I think reposting the screenshot along with @Hidinge reply would be punishment enough 😂

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