I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

Wow. I've been both a teacher and a mum of a child in the school, and have been in the WhatsApp group - we are a small rural community, other parents are my friends and our Headmistress is fine with it although in different communities I am sure there are different rules. It is a fine line to tread and I probably did make mistakes sometimes because I'm human - but those mistakes were things like thoughtlessly commenting 'the kids are right, school food really is as bad as they say'.
This is a whole other situation. It's not an innocent or funny mistake. It's bullying, it implies a back story of bitching about you and it's appalling. Take it to the Head, she should have her arse handed to her.

What is this, some kind of maladaptive wish fulfillment for all the clever things you wish you said but didn't? This is terrible advice for the op.

No one is going to give you a thumbs up for creative and cutting replies. Your children are at school with a bully of a teacher and posters think the smart move is to piss her off by humiliating her, leaving you with no way to redress this properly when it's turned into a drama?

Cut this off at the knees and go to the head, like an adult.

I'm a teacher. What I post on public social media can be shown to demonstrate my professional integrity - there's a whole section on this in our whole school social media policy. I'd be shitting a brick right now in her shoes, for a number of reasons -

1. Being 'friends' on SM with parents/students is a big no, unless there is a long-established history
2. Posting on public groups with anything less than 100% positivity about the school, students or parents is heading down the lines of dubious professional conduct (I've been reprimanded for having a completely unidentifiable (unless you'd been involved) moan on my own private, locked-down page, about a shit day I'd had, and was reported by a 'friend'/colleague)
3. Making a comment like that, on a public page on SM, about a parent at the school is absolutely unforgivable. Even by accident.

In your shoes I'd be scouring the website for their SM policy, and making a complaint to the head.

Ouch! That's a snide comment.

Good suggestions to let her know you were disappointed when you saw her comment and were glad that she removed it.

She deservedly will feel awful!

People always recommend taking the high road like it’s great.
It’s not. It’s shit.

I couldn't agree more. It is a cop-out. It is for people with no backbone to placate themselves.

Personally, when someone goes low, I always go lower. That is actually a better way to get someone to not bully you again.

Jesus christ its not a compliment saying one nice photo after saying op looks like utter shit in real life.

She 100% meant it and deleted it so she wouldn't get her arse kicked for it. Put it a print in her Christmas card.

@hopeishere

Was it sent to you or a class WhatsApp? Our school made it clear the class WhatsApp were nothing to do with them

I'd ask to speak to the head.

But a teacher posted in it - very much to do with the school. Report.

Many of us are guilty of sending things like this, I don't think she was slagging you off necessarily just an 'ooh hasn't she made an effort with her Facebook photo' stupid comment but the fact she's a teacher is really bad. I don't think I'd take it to the head - that might be the best thing to do but it wouldn't be for me...I would definitely do the anti bullying week comment though, that was genius!

Not appropriate at all. The school should have a staff social media policy that this will have broken. She could be facing disciplinary. Personally I would raise it with the school and leave it at an apology. Awful behaviour.

I'd simply leave the group. That will speak volumes.

I’d have to say something. It’s not only mean but very unprofessional.

@CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend
Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I
1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.

This. It’s karma. What goes round comes round.

A teacher at your child’s school posted this?

I’m a teacher.

Send it to the Headteacher and say you wish to pursue this as a complaint. This is ignorant, rude and unprofessional. Teachers shouldn’t do this to parents. Not fair. If a parent did it to me I would get savage. It calls into question this person’s right to be in charge of anything.

I’m furious on your behalf and please be assured that this person’s rudeness was a cheap jibe only which reflects on that person, not you. I’m soooo cross!

I’d contact the head teacher about this 100% and I say this as a HLTA. The fact that she’s taken a screenshot and sent it to her friends suggests that this is not the first time they’ve bitched about parents and if you don’t address it, it won’t be the last. Yes everyone makes the odd bitchy comment from time to time, but taking a screen shot feels a bit next level. As a teacher she should not be friends with you on FB anyway.

I can see why people prefer not to escalate things.

On the other hand if this was a comment about your DCs appearence I bet you wouldn't just take it on the chin. I would give her the opportunity to apologise to you first though rather than take it to her line manager.

I’d be tempted to just send your screenshot back to her - no comment at all

I wonder if she meant to send it to a teachers WhatsApp group rather than another mums group?

Exactly what @onyourway said. When people go low, go high. It is the very best feeling.

Aw that’s so nasty. Obviously you don’t look like that on the school run, who’s likely to put that as their profile picture?

Absolutely let her know she's been caught out! I'd take great pleasure in knowing she had that worry hanging over her of it being seen by her colleagues.

I would reply ‘I saw that . Very classy’

And leave it like that. She’ll shite her pants

@MacbookHoHoHo

Wow! That’s awful. Don’t forget it’s saying you look really good in the photo though, so at least be pleased that your hair and face are looking banging.

You’ve got her over a barrel now. Schools are soooo strict about bullying - especially social-media and online bullying - that she’d be in DEEP shit if this got out.

What my feisty version would do is repost the screenshot with the comment, “Doesn’t the school have quite strict guidelines on bullying? It’d be awful if a teacher was found to be doing it, wouldn’t it.” And then ignore all her panicky messages and let her shit herself.

This is exactly what I would do!

@MedusasBadHairDay

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

This 100% maybe with an added ‘perhaps the teachers could learn something too”

It suggests there's probably a history here of her being bitchy about parents to other parents on SM. Very inappropriate, and this time she's been caught out.

I have to say though I've nearly made that mistake on our class chat a few times so I'm a bit in the fence. However, I'm not a teacher, and, funnily enough, the person I've nearly commented about on the group chat is a teacher, just not at our school . She's an utter twat though and the tumbleweed after she normally posts indicates we all think similarly without it being said