I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

I would report to the head. If you address it with the teacher directly, no matter how professionally, she will be all apologetic first time but ultimately think she has got away with it. For all you know, that will lead to other messages along the lines of "would you believe she said x, y, z to me" , you basically are relying on her good judgement to end it there and it's already dubious that she has that good judgement. I think it is totally unacceptable for a teacher to message parents about other parents, any professional knows this, and you should address it with the head teacher. It's the only way it will stop.

An op considering all the angles, coming up with a measured response and sleeping on it? Have I fallen down a well?

Yes @Toptotoeunicolour I agree 100%. I find it really odd that so many responses here haven't clocked that she is a teacher at that school. It is so beyond the expected professional boundaries that the school should be setting. At our school (where I'm a governor) teachers wouldn't be allowed to join parents whatsapp groups, because there is such potential for gossip and trouble being stirred up in those kind of forums. And because it puts the teacher at risk as well. Its SO unprofessional.

I disagree that it was bullying. How can that be if the intended 'victim' was unaware? [even though she accidentally became aware]

Nope. Straighforward bitching and highly unprofessional. Is it normal for a teacher to be part of such a group?

I would add a message - 'I saw that comment Ms Teacher' and let her stew. Might put her off doing it again to someone else.

I would be asking for assurances from the head that I would not have to deal with this person in her professional capacity due to a breakdown in trust.

@justanotherneighinparadise

I can almost guarantee that this thread will be picked up by the Daily Mail soon.

I doubt it. It's not about Meghan Markle (they'd probably find a way to make this all her fault though 🤣)

I'll update properly in a minute What I've decided to do!

So I'm learning from his thread that if a teacher breaks rules and boundaries and behaves in this way, OP, as another teacher, you will cover up for her?

My DD is good friends with the DD of a teacher at her school and as they are in class together the teacher mum is in the whatapps group She is helpful and professional on the whatsapp, and irl she is friendly and chatty. I'm sure like many teachers she eyerolls at some stuff or gets annoyed about situations but this shit is different.

Perhaps the HT and governors are already aware of behaviour like this in the past? Maybe there is a terrible culture in the staff room they are trying to eradicate already and this information would be useful to them.

It would not be you who lost her her job, it would be her for her behaviour. In the same way that you didn't get the taxi driver fired, he got himself fired, and that could have been another example in a long line of examples of not taking a fare which was against the rules.

What next time she does this it's about someone less thick skinned? What if she was actually sending this to a group with other teachers of the school and they all need pulling up in the.

You need to report this.

OP - I hope to God you are seriously filtering the suggestions on this thread. 95% of them are downright embarrassing.

I think your direct, low key approach - minus the histrionics, faces, passive aggression, and reports to her principal, are the way to go.

What if next time she does this it's about someone less thick skinned? What if she was actually sending this to a group with other teachers of the school and they all need pulling up for this.

I still maintain that the Head is likely not to be happy about her even being on the parent's WhatsApp group, let alone what she posted. I really don't believe she'd lose her job for this, but by not reporting it she's likely to stay - inappropriately - on the group. If you dont want to raise the specific issue to the Head, could you ask her (the Head) what the school policy is on teachers being on parents social media groups, as you're aware of at least one who is? Then the Head could at least remind all staff of the inappropriateness of it (and this teacher might sweat a bit wondering what else she knows....)

Wow

I’m glad to see that the last few posts have mentioned going to the head. That is exactly what I would do and I was really surprised not to see it picked up in the first responses.

If you were making nasty comments about school staff on a messenger group then you would be called in by the head and told firmly that it is unacceptable (at our school you would anyway, I know people it has happened to, after screenshots from “private” chats got back to the head)

This is worse. Completely unprofessional and out of line, calls her integrity and judgment into question and suggests that she is a bit of a bully. This needs to be dealt with by her employer and may well be part of a wider pattern of behaviour that they are already aware of.

Honestly id just ignore it. Whats to gain from starting something? some people are just nasty and thats life

Jesus, 789 posts and no update!! I need to know this twatty woman’s reaction!

I’m a teacher and would report this.

@theliverpoolone

I still maintain that the Head is likely not to be happy about her even being on the parent's WhatsApp group, let alone what she posted. I really don't believe she'd lose her job for this, but by not reporting it she's likely to stay - inappropriately - on the group. If you dont want to raise the specific issue to the Head, could you ask her (the Head) what the school policy is on teachers being on parents social media groups, as you're aware of at least one who is? Then the Head could at least remind all staff of the inappropriateness of it (and this teacher might sweat a bit wondering what else she knows....)

Yes. The school will have a social media policy that the teacher will be breaking.

Schools and teachers are held to higher standards than a lot of other professions because parents entrust us with their children for hours a day for months of the year.

I know that a lot of the feedback I've had from parents re online teaching is that it's been lovely to see how positively we interact with their children.

If we pick and choose which bits of which policies we adhere to, it undermines the whole thing.

I hope you do the right thing, OP. If this is true, she should be responsible for what she did. It's horrible to know that the teacher in your dc's school has no professional mind set. Yes, teachers are human, they make mistakes. But not this kind.

I’d definitely take it to the head, she sounds like she’s in the wrong job as these are the things we teach to young children especially within schools, like to be kind etc no bulling.
During these uncertain times we should be supporting each other not tearing each other down. It will be nice shock for her when she returns to work on Monday (International Women’s Day) hopefully she’ll learn from this.

@NotSeenBulling

Absolutely. This will have got out either way

Really? You have more faith in your fellow man than I do. Most people will ignore stuff like this and not get involved.

Relying on others to report this would be a mistake. Flag it with the head at least OP.

In my school the TAs would hear about it and make it known in the staff room. Our TAs have a much more informal relationship with the parents than the teachers. I’m not disagreeing by the way I definitely think the head needs to be made aware, even if the OP doesn’t make a complaint. It points to a serious lapse in judgement (for a teacher). Who hasn’t sat through endless insets about this. We know not to do this. How can a school assert its authority when its staff are behaving like this towards parents. If it was a spat in the parish committee WhatsApp group I’d probably let it go.

@mainsfed

Jesus, 789 posts and no update!! I need to know this twatty woman’s reaction!

What do you mean no update? The OP has posted loads of times

This is real life you know, she's not going to react to satisfy rubberneckers

I understand the “just ignore it” comments in ordinary circumstances, but when someone works with vulnerable people (and children are vulnerable, just by being children!) they need to be trustworthy and have professional integrity. It is what you sign up for when training as a teacher and professional boundaries are covered right at the beginning of the course, before being let loose as even a supervised trainee!

If the teacher in this situation is ignoring the boundaries that she should be following (why the hell is she even in a parents group?!) then you can’t trust anything about her as professional who is left in sole charge of children.

Was she sending that post to another parent, or was it to another teacher? You don’t know but it could be a part of a culture that needs addressing and that is toxic to children as well as parents and other staff.

If not; not your problem, but you could at least pass it on

I really don't get all these people saying take it to the Head, get a grip, OP will be he one that winds up looking like the arse and will probably be ostracised from the group.

Teachers aren't perfect, and are allowed to make mistakes, even if it's bitching about someone, no need to get the flipping Head involved. (And no, I am not a Teacher myself)

However, please do do something about this OP.

I think she'll be squirming about this, she's showed herself up and also sounds rather jealous and insecure.

Bathe in all the lovely compliments you had and do send some form of message to the whatsapp group.

Have a bit more of an awareness of why people are saying to report to the Head now, given policies. Etc. However, still not something that I would personally do.

She will not look like an arse.
Schools deal with social media issues a lot and no school would want a teacher behaving this way. She is very unlikely to lose her job or anything so dramatic.

Has the OP messaged her?