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Original poster

I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

999 replies

CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend · 05/03/2021 16:22

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

  1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
  2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
  3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
  4. Something else
  5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit Sad

OP posts:
Marimaur · 06/03/2021 09:38

Honestly? I'd be amused she was felt threatened by your nice profile pic that she felt the need to slag you off. I wouldn't be feeling sorry for myself. Pretty much everyone looks better with their hair done and some make up.

I would respond something along the lines of: 'Why is it the most insecure of us that feel the need to make these kind of remarks?'

If she's got any decency she's probably mortified and praying she got away with you not seeing it.

SarahBellam · 06/03/2021 09:41

Do not say anything passive aggressive. It makes you look petty and you lose the moral high ground. A private message addressing directly is the most professional and adult way to do it. I would just say I say the message and I was very hurt by it, and I’d hope not to have to deal with something like again.

OverweightPidgeon · 06/03/2021 09:43

I think that if anyone else in the group saw the picture, I doubt they will be reporting it . More likely there would be a flurry of pm’s to the sender along the lines of ‘oh god , I wonder if Op saw it ? What are you going to do? Oh shit’ type messages.

Annoy · 06/03/2021 09:45

Surely this comes with the social media territory. Comments. Whether nasty or nice. Just don’t post yourself on public view if it’s going to upset you when you get a reaction you don’t like.

I’m not sticking up for the mean posters, it wasn’t nice at all and I would have hated it too... bit this is the reason why I don’t have SM. It would crush my self esteem

Goldieloxx · 06/03/2021 09:45

Respond back that actually you didn't use a filter and are naturally blessed then enjoy her squirming

PatchworkElmer · 06/03/2021 09:47

If I was another parent on that group, I’d be wondering what other things she talked to her mates about- and whether I or my children had been the topic of discussion. I’d think twice about asking her for help/ advice in her professional role. It is unprofessional. I think you’re right to PM her.

EarringsandLipstick · 06/03/2021 09:50

@Annoy

Surely this comes with the social media territory. Comments. Whether nasty or nice. Just don’t post yourself on public view if it’s going to upset you when you get a reaction you don’t like.

I’m not sticking up for the mean posters, it wasn’t nice at all and I would have hated it too... bit this is the reason why I don’t have SM. It would crush my self esteem

Don't be silly.

She didn't comment on her social media post (anyway, it was an updated profile picture, not even a post). She screenshot it, posted in a What's App group and added a nasty comment. She didn't intend OP to see. She just wanted to bitch about her.

That's nothing like commenting on social media.

DippingToes · 06/03/2021 09:50

I hope you've blocked her from viewing your social media now. OP. She doesn't deserve the privilege of having access to your life.

Veuvestar · 06/03/2021 09:51

What a cow
I’d like to post her screenshotted comments on the FB comments

LarryUnderwood · 06/03/2021 09:52

So she's a teacher at the school. And sent that message to a group of mums at the same school she's a teacher at? About a mum of children at that same school? Sorry if I've misunderstood. But if this is the case she has wildly overstepped the boundaries she needs to set as an educator. I'm a school governor at a primary, and as a board we would be very disappointed to hear that one of our teachers was engaging on social media with groups of parents in this kind of way. It's hugely inappropriate and has potential to cause a lot 0f damage. The content of the message is neither here nor there - she shouldn't be commenting on parents to other parents full stop.

Marimaur · 06/03/2021 09:53

SOMETIMES I think this idea of the moral high ground is overrated and just stops you from standing up for yourself, but you do what you think is right OP.

Howshouldibehave · 06/03/2021 09:54

So, what have you decided to do, @CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend?

PatchworkElmer · 06/03/2021 09:54

I think if I did message, it would be something like-

“I saw your message yesterday. I’m hurt that I’ve clearly been the subject of discussion on another WhatsApp group- not just by other Mums, but by a teacher at my child’s school. I’d urge you to think before you do something like this again. The consequences for you professionally could be quite severe”.

OverweightPidgeon · 06/03/2021 09:55

I hope you’ve locked down your social media Op , if this teacher got hold of your picture, could the children that you teach access your details?

partyatthepalace · 06/03/2021 10:00

I wouldn't be too upset about it, it's a bitchy passing comment - and I certainly wouldn't take it as a sign that I was generally the subject of bitching.

However, because it would amuse me, and it's a good way to point out that bitching is not cool - especially from someone who is supposed to set an example like a teacher - I would fire the screenshot around the whatsapp group saying something like what the hell to you mean @meanteacher I look this ALL the time (I will now be crying my sensitive self to sleep / weeping emoji etc)

Icantbelieveitsnotnutter · 06/03/2021 10:01

What is it about small children's Mums and often their kids teachers too, that turns them into Mean Girls, like they're silly catty adolescents? Put an adult in or near a school and they regress. Unbelievably babyish. You have my sympathy OP. You have the moral high ground. Do what you feel is best.

Marimaur · 06/03/2021 10:02

Unless I've missed something, you don't know it was to a group chat, could have been a private conversation to her friend.
I think reporting her or publicly shaming her on social media is more passive aggressive than a one on one conversation where you tell her she's pissed you off.

picknmix1984 · 06/03/2021 10:04

Call her out on it. She might think twice next time she bullies someone!

LarryUnderwood · 06/03/2021 10:05

I've just been through and read all your responses @CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend. I understand why you don't want to report this to the head (although I still think that would be a reasonable respnse). I do think you should address with this teacher the unprofessionally of what she's done. She can say what she likes to people who aren't part of the school community. But as a teacher she has a duty to behave professionally with parents even if they are her friends. Its one of the downsides - for her - of sending her kids to the school she works at. As a teacher she simply doesn't have the luxury of gossiping with her mum mates about other mums when they are all from the school she works at. I would hope.you would make that point at least.

OverweightPidgeon · 06/03/2021 10:07

It doesn’t matter who she meant to send it to , whether it was an individual or group, it’s still a shitty thing to do .

SugarfreeBlitz · 06/03/2021 10:09

Personally I would send it to the group and "out" the person. Then I'd block that person!

OverweightPidgeon · 06/03/2021 10:09

And if she did mean to send it to a friend, that friend must know the op , otherwise it would be pointless.

IHaveBackPain · 06/03/2021 10:10

Unless I've missed something, you don't know it was to a group chat, could have been a private conversation to her friend.

A teacher at the school, who is also a parent, sent the message to a parent whatsapp group that the OP was a part of. That's how she saw it.

As an aside, lot of these responses would be appropriate if it were just another parent posting. The fact that this parent is also a teacher at the same school is the problem.

FlyingBurrito · 06/03/2021 10:11

@picknmix1984

Call her out on it. She might think twice next time she bullies someone!
Still not getting how this is bullying, how does making a bitchy comment that you never intended the person to see constitute bullying @picknmix1984

Are you saying that every comment made by one person to another about a 3rd party is bullying, that's absurd. She clearly didn't intend the OP to see it

Yes she was undoubtedly being a little bitchy, it was a backhanded compliment but how bullying?

IHaveBackPain · 06/03/2021 10:12

She can say what she likes to people who aren't part of the school community. But as a teacher she has a duty to behave professionally with parentseven if they are her friends. Its one of the downsides - for her - of sending her kids to the school she works at. As a teacher she simply doesn't have the luxury of gossiping with her mum mates about other mums when they are all from the school she works at. I wouldhope.youwould make that point at least.

Exactly.