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Original poster

I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

999 replies

CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend · 05/03/2021 16:22

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

  1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
  2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
  3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
  4. Something else
  5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit Sad

OP posts:
MMfanalltheway · 06/03/2021 01:13

I'd be the first to ridicule myself, but a photo where you clearly were looking healthy and well, I actually can't think of any acceptable reason to make a joke of it (unless an in joke with close friends). Or maybe you do look really well all the time and she was joking? Clutching at straws totally to try to find a plausible explanation.

Eteri · 06/03/2021 01:15

My advice as somebody who is a bit of a bitch(okay, maybe a lot of a bitch), just play it cool. The 'I don t think this is meant for me' is a lot more effective than any 'cutting' jab will ever be, because we're only going to laugh and mock the cutting jab. The classy response would make me feel a bit bad.

MMfanalltheway · 06/03/2021 01:16

How can someone who publicly pokes fun at other women expect to be employed in a position of power and education of children? If I were her boss, it would be instant dismissal. Gross misconduct. Bad enough anyway (unless an in-joke between friends), but to a parent of one of your pupils?

MMfanalltheway · 06/03/2021 01:17

I know teachers have to cope with school life by taking the piss out of pupils or parents, but to publicly do so? How the fuck did she become a teacher in the first place as nobody that thick should be in the profession.

Emeraldshamrock · 06/03/2021 01:23

Definitely say it to her.
I don't think anyone looks like their SM image on the school run.

flyingant · 06/03/2021 01:51

@CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend, I would do both of these:

  1. Reply in the thread "I don't think I was meant to see that deleted screenshot was I (but add...) but thanks for the compliment ;) (no need to include a question. Just end the convo).
  1. PM the mum who sent it and say something along the lines of, from one teacher to another, you need to be careful about forming allegiances with other parents and bitching about another mum. Whilst I won't report it, another person would and so you need to be more professional. Also as a teacher to another, we teach pupils about online bullying and we need to set that example too. (...but without the bit about sending PSHE resources, as that bit's clearly sarcastic).

Then, you've dealt with it professionally and put an end to the 'joke' whilst keeping your head high.

MMfanalltheway · 06/03/2021 02:06

[quote flyingant]@CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend, I would do both of these:

  1. Reply in the thread "I don't think I was meant to see that deleted screenshot was I (but add...) but thanks for the compliment ;) (no need to include a question. Just end the convo).
  1. PM the mum who sent it and say something along the lines of, from one teacher to another, you need to be careful about forming allegiances with other parents and bitching about another mum. Whilst I won't report it, another person would and so you need to be more professional. Also as a teacher to another, we teach pupils about online bullying and we need to set that example too. (...but without the bit about sending PSHE resources, as that bit's clearly sarcastic).

Then, you've dealt with it professionally and put an end to the 'joke' whilst keeping your head high.[/quote]
Bollocks to that approach.

If the woman doesn't know yet how to behave professionally, the OP teaching her is unlikely to help. Fired end of.

Eteri · 06/03/2021 02:10

You all don't live in the real world. This is not a fireable offence. At most, it's a warning.

MMfanalltheway · 06/03/2021 02:13

It would be gross misconduct in any of my former workplaces.

Eteri · 06/03/2021 02:23

@MMfanalltheway

It would be gross misconduct in any of my former workplaces.
Saying something about somebody's appreance in out of work hours? Without a prior warning? They could try, but no employment tribunal in the land would uphold it.
MMfanalltheway · 06/03/2021 02:55

Saying something about somebody's appreance in out of work hours? Without a prior warning? They could try, but no employment tribunal in the land would uphold it.

Ridiculing a parent of a child you teach on a public platform. Yes. Gross misconduct.

Hydrate · 06/03/2021 03:55

I'd send it back and simply write "No filter".

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 06/03/2021 04:04

@Eteri

You all don't live in the real world. This is not a fireable offence. At most, it's a warning.
Gross misconduct in my school, I've just read the online/IT/social media policies #insomnia
flyingant · 06/03/2021 04:58

@MMfanalltheway the suggestions I listed were the OP's own suggestions. I was agreeing with them (mostly). OP doesn't want to report it to the school for whatever reason. Maybe because it could lead to a bigger problems for OP, like if she still has children at the school (not sure if that's the case or not) or has to deal with these mums at all (presumably so if they're in a joint whatsapp group).

I can understand wanting to pull the person up her shitty behaviour without necessarily wanting to take it to the top.

PurpleSapphire · 06/03/2021 05:30

I wouldn't even respond to her. I'd absolutely take it up with the head. Its incredibly mean spirited and childish in any case, how old is she, 14?!! I know we all have a life away from work and i'm sure teachers have a little vent now and again to their partner/friends etc, but a group chat making fun of your photo? Totally unprofessional and just not on.

ivykaty44 · 06/03/2021 05:39

I’d confront her and say

You know I didn’t realise you were a bitch, I’d actually been conned into thinking you were a nice person how foolish I’ve been

Coolwaterscoolcool · 06/03/2021 05:44

I think I’d respond with:

Funny how you didn’t send this to the correct person. I guess there is no ‘face tune’ for being a backstabbing bitch 😹😹'.

Coolwaterscoolcool · 06/03/2021 05:46

I would also respond to a screenshot of the message (just so anyone on the chat whose didn’t see it can see what a horrible person she is and have the context of the reply)!

AyyMacarena · 06/03/2021 05:50

She will probably know you've seen it. If you scroll right on a group chat, you see who has read it and who it's been delivered too.

Ultimately, it's a great compliment. You look that good that they have spoken about you and think you've used filters. They sound like a bitter and twisted group. I'm quite judgmental and I've been friends with some bitches but only the meanest would do something that catty.

If you really don't want to cause eruptions, no action is the best action. People like this tend to blow your behaviour out of proportion to hide their own. If your children really are genuine friends, it's too precarious and I think she will make you regret it. In this situation better to regret what at you didn't say than what you did.

Or I would message saying "assume you won't be arranging the next anti bullying week. 😉 thanks for the compliment but please don't talk about me again".

We really don't seem to ever leave high school do we! Queen bees and wannabes.

LadyGAgain · 06/03/2021 05:53

This 👆🏽

lborgia · 06/03/2021 05:56

1 - " I've just looked up FaceTune... so that's how you do it!"

OR

2 - Speak to the Head. 1 or the other, but not both.

FourTeaFallOut · 06/03/2021 05:59

Oh, a hag and a shrivelled shrew? (How misogynistic of you both) For the termirity to think a pair of teachers might summon enough professionalism to follow the same guidelines and expectations around bullying as they would expect from their students? Ok. Confused

SussexCharm2000 · 06/03/2021 06:10

You sound very reasonable and kind. If I was a parent at your school I would want to be your mate not here’s :)

Disappointing that others on the WhatsApp group have not said something (unless of course every one of them
Missed it).

I could not leave this either but agree about the reporting her - could not be responsible for someone losing their job.

Smorgs · 06/03/2021 06:10

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. It's very petty and immature behaviour and not something I'd expect from grown women.
I think Michelle Obama's advice is applicable here - "when they go low, you go high".
I would ignore it, go into school with your chin up and head held high and possibly even go on a charm offensive towards the women involved to show how utterly above them and their behaviour you are.

Dee1975 · 06/03/2021 06:19

Yikes sod ignoring! Definitely go to the head. Awful what she did. How can she teach children about anti bullying etc ... when she does that. And slagging off one parent to others? Unprofessional.
And who is the group admin? You could ask to have her removed ....