I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

would you tell her to keep quiet?

But Desert OP isn't planning on keeping quiet?

And although this woman is absolutely a bitch, she's not necessarily a bully.

Calling out the behaviour doesn't mean leaping several steps ahead of what actually happened.

I appreciate the back handed complement, however what concerns me is your poor attention to detail and lack of understanding of online bullying, considering your job is teaching our children - I'll let you know what the Head says

No way should OP change the way she dresses / looks in response to someone horrible making comments about her appearance!!

👏👏👏👏

Absolutely this.

@SwishSwishBisch

I didn’t realise you could delete a WhatsApp message from the other person’s end once they’d seen it. Lucky you got a screenshot!

You just delete it from the group / conversation. So unless you've seen it first, all members of the group will just see the message 'this message has been deleted'. It's not going into anyone's account of anything.

Dear Headteacher,
This is.......
I am writing today concerning one of your teachers. At this point I do not want to name names, but this is what happened.....

This was very hurtful personally, and extremely unprofessional. As a teacher myself, i am very aware of the responsibilities of our profession, to show exemplary behaviour, and to promote the anti bullying policies upheld within the school and community environment. This is also a breech of social media guidelines.
I should be grateful if you could please ensure that your staff are aware that bullying and making fun of any individuals associated with the school will not be tolerated, and please reiterate your social media guidelines to all staff. I do not wish to take this matter further at this point in time.

Kind regards

@Shelby2010

I think it’s unfortunate that you won’t report but understandable that you are more concerned for your daughter.

In which case really put the shit up her...
‘Dear X, several mums have sent me a screenshot of a post you made about me yesterday. Obviously I’m hurt about the bitchy comments you made but I have advised them that I won’t be acting on this. However I and they, do think this reflects badly on your professionalism and understanding of cyber-bullying. ‘

Well, that's not true Shelby - other mums haven't contacted OP? Why would she lie? She's enough to go on without inventing stuff.

She probably fancies you

@lovingmyppe

Dear Headteacher, This is....... I am writing today concerning one of your teachers. At this point I do not want to name names, but this is what happened.....

This was very hurtful personally, and extremely unprofessional. As a teacher myself, i am very aware of the responsibilities of our profession, to show exemplary behaviour, and to promote the anti bullying policies upheld within the school and community environment. This is also a breech of social media guidelines.
I should be grateful if you could please ensure that your staff are aware that bullying and making fun of any individuals associated with the school will not be tolerated, and please reiterate your social media guidelines to all staff. I do not wish to take this matter further at this point in time.

Kind regards

OP would sound unhinged if she sent something like that! A vague email with no details. Sure what could a HT do in response to something like that.

Thankfully she has no intention of contacting the head.

I’d just write her and say “Anne, I’m sure you didn’t mean for me to see that. I wanted you to know that I did. I’ll chalk it up to an uncharacteristic during a difficult time.”

That’s it. Don’t make it a public spectacle. She will be amazed at your graciousness.

*uncharacteristic moment

She will be amazed at your graciousness.

Or amazed at her doormat approach.

The woman did a really hurtful shitty thing. OP's proposed responses are measured & in no way vindictive.

But making excuses for a rotten thing like that is not needed. OP should say what she needs to but doesn't need to offer the woman a Get Out Of Jail card.

Does WhatsApp still do that thing where it can automatically save all photos to your camera roll, unless you disable it? Because that means some people may have that screenshot saved as well.

Combine @onyourway and @MedusasBadHairDay suggetions, and forget it. Let her squirm on her end.

What an absolute nob this woman is!

What I would do is say absolutely nothing to her or the group but take it to the Head. I honestly think they'd want to know that one of their staff is so unprofessional and unpleasant.

Try not to take it personally. Most of us choose nice pics for social media, her comment was really childish.

I’d go back with a witty reply but I’m terrible at letting things go

ignore that shrivelled shrew Tea above

Was that necessary @Whatandwhen ?

Just write: “I saw it”. Nothing else and don’t reply back.

@TheLumpySofaCushion

You're being rather too understanding, OP.

Comments can be made, maybe, not someone taking the time to screen shot from your personal Facebook , and then share it via a completely different platform ?

100% nasty, in my book.

This. There’s a huge power dynamic at play in a WhatsApp group with a teacher slagging off parents - not just verbally but going to the trouble of downloading fb pictures . It gives the other parents tacit permission to do the same. Its like being the Regina in your own Mean Girls. It’s particularly bad form.

It’s also spectacularly stupid when you’re are reminded over and over of social media usage in schools. Mind numbingly so.

Nah, I wouldn't do anything.

She obviously thought you looked good. Some people are a bit bitchy.

Hi OP, can totally understand your concerns about reporting this to the school. Village life is very different to city life...and sadly repercussions in a village can lead to absolute misery.

I do agree that you need to contact her privately to make sure she knows that you did see this message. She has to be held accountable for her bullying. She should know better, considering her position at the school.

I hope whatever you decide to do, is right for you and the situation.

Good luck xx

This highlights just why teachers’ own children should not attend schools where their parents’ teach.

@CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend

The reason why she bitched like that is cause its a bit of a strange bonding thing!

She bitched Cause you looked so Good op, that it made her feel a bit insecure in a unexpected weird way and she is far too immature(childish to handle her feelings in a grown up apprioprate way.!

Exactly what JollyGreenGiantess said.

I have worked and all of my family have worked in what I suppose you could call 'responsible' roles. This would be a sackable offence. If she had commented on something innocently or jokingly, maybe I'd forgive it, but if she actually downloaded your facebook photo to comment? Jesus. Your job is to literally prevent this sort of behaviour. I would feel hurt and angry and then I would want her fired. She clearly can't obey the simplest of instructions. Shouldn't be in the job.

Grasping at straws, but is there any chance she might have thought it funny (a la Tiktok videos about Mums in lockdown)? If someone destroyed me like that publicly the gloves would be off. But a fucking teacher ffs?

I think people like this teacher get away with their appalling behaviour because there’s never a consequence to it. This thread has shown that the vast majority would either ignore or simply write ‘I don’t think this was meant for me.’

It really isn’t on that a person in a position of trust and power would act that way in my opinion.

You can reply whatever you choose, but I don’t think she’ll actually learn a lesson from it.