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Original poster

I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

999 replies

CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend · 05/03/2021 16:22

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

  1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
  2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
  3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
  4. Something else
  5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit Sad

OP posts:
Lastfreakinglegs · 05/03/2021 22:28

I agree go to the head teacher. I'm sure there is a social media policy for their staff and she just broke it.

Giraffey1 · 05/03/2021 22:29

I would reply to her privately, along the lines of your no. 2 option . But I would omit the last bit about sending her resources. It weakens the dignity of the rest of the response.

Citrin · 05/03/2021 22:33

What did you do? I’d probably confront the person next time I see her face to face- not on a virtual group.

AnotherEmma · 05/03/2021 22:37

@Tianatiers

I think you've left it a bit too long to write anything on the original what's app group to say you saw it. So now I think just a private message to her to say you saw the message before she deleted it and from one teacher to another you don't think it was very professional of her or setting a good example. A bit like your option 2 but less wordy and take out the bit about resources. If you can leave a bit of doubt in her mind that you might report it even better.
I agree with this actually, keep it brief and to the point. Hopefully after sleeping on it you'll be able to send something quite neutral in tone, as the sting from today should have lessened a bit Flowers
maddy68 · 05/03/2021 22:42

@stablefeet

"Dear X, please could you send me the school policy on staff use of social media as soon as possible. Thanks very much."
This
EmpressSuiko · 05/03/2021 22:46

I’d be emailing the HT with the screenshot attached and discussing it with them, highly unprofessional and inappropriate. Teachers and parents are supposed to be role models and this isn’t acceptable behaviour.

MNWorldisCrazy · 05/03/2021 22:47

@Brefugee

Well, OP, i hope you'll never do this kind of thing again, it's really not a nice thing to do at all.

Mail the screenshot to the HT and tell the teacher you've done it.

Additionally I'd probably write in the WhatsApp group if anyone knows when the school will be doing cyberbullying training because you have an example they might want to use.

Well, OP, i hope you'll never do this kind of thing again, it's really not a nice thing to do at all.

What on earth has OP done that's not nice???? Hmm

Bettina500 · 05/03/2021 22:48

I would perhaps send it to the head but remove her details and say you don't want to name names but could they give staff a reminder about anti bullying/professionalism/social media etc etc

Mally2020 · 05/03/2021 22:48

If she is a teacher at your children's school it is a massively inappropriate comment to make even to other parents, I would be telling the school.

ichifanny · 05/03/2021 23:00

I’d say ‘ that’s funny you don’t seem to act like a dick on the school run either’
But I’m pretty confrontational . I think I prefer letting them wonder if you saw it or not .

autumnalrain · 05/03/2021 23:01

@FourTeaFallOut go to sleep, maybe you’ll wake up talking sense

Pommes · 05/03/2021 23:01

"I am MORTIFIED on your behalf. That's really outed your as being quite unpleasant, 'Sarah', not to mention unprofessional. I'll accept your backhanded compliment however... there was no filter used."

Ariela · 05/03/2021 23:04

I'd ensure every time I turn up on school run I am the epitome of smart & classy from now on.

I'd also make a veiled post on my FB about ensuring you check what you are sending on social media is to the right person - sure there is some funny gif or something you can share. I'd also gain a new habit of continually share anti-bullying posts etc. And posts about social media standards expected of teaching staff, that kind of thing. Just to make the point you know. And you are watching, but will take no action right now.

DesertSky · 05/03/2021 23:04

OP that's a horrible thing to see. As a Teacher she really ought to know better, as whatever way you look at it, it's bullying. I would definitely reply back saying "I think this was sent to wrong group" so she realises you've seen it. She should feel ashamed. Not nice screenshotting someone's picture and slandering them to others, real mean behaviour. It's up to you whether you go to the Head or not as in all fairness she deserves to be disciplined for it. I can understand your predicament though if your children are friends. Its awkward, but think about the example you want to set your daughter - should a bully regardless of their position (in fact even more so because of their position!) get away with it? And if that happened to your daughter with a friend of hers talking behind her back and sending her photo to others, would you tell her to keep quiet?

Thepennyhasdroppedq · 05/03/2021 23:11

How awful is this woman and two faced. OP, you really need to address this with her as she could be saying all sorts behind your back.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/03/2021 23:12

@Ariela

I'd ensure every time I turn up on school run I am the epitome of smart & classy from now on.

I'd also make a veiled post on my FB about ensuring you check what you are sending on social media is to the right person - sure there is some funny gif or something you can share. I'd also gain a new habit of continually share anti-bullying posts etc. And posts about social media standards expected of teaching staff, that kind of thing. Just to make the point you know. And you are watching, but will take no action right now.

I'd ensure every time I turn up on school run I am the epitome of smart & classy from now on.

No way should OP change the way she dresses / looks in response to someone horrible making comments about her appearance!!

JerichoGirl · 05/03/2021 23:12

Consider what it is you want to achieve. Presumably to continue with your life as peacefully as possible and for her to feel chastised?

I'd message her directly and say I saw the message you posted about me then deleted. I think we can do better than this. As teachers we know the importance of behaving professionally especially around parents.

bluebird3 · 05/03/2021 23:14

My reply would be:

I saw the earlier post that was written about me. I didn't realise we were the ones still at school. I hope (teacher's name) and the intended recipients enjoyed their laugh at my expense. No filters were necessary, so...thank you?

SwishSwishBisch · 05/03/2021 23:29

I didn’t realise you could delete a WhatsApp message from the other person’s end once they’d seen it. Lucky you got a screenshot!

catzrulz · 05/03/2021 23:36

I've not read everything posted, just wondering if she has reported it to the Headteacher herself?
That would be an interesting call to get on Monday morning!

JerichoGirl · 05/03/2021 23:42

@Ariela

I'd ensure every time I turn up on school run I am the epitome of smart & classy from now on.

I'd also make a veiled post on my FB about ensuring you check what you are sending on social media is to the right person - sure there is some funny gif or something you can share. I'd also gain a new habit of continually share anti-bullying posts etc. And posts about social media standards expected of teaching staff, that kind of thing. Just to make the point you know. And you are watching, but will take no action right now.

Oh my god that would be so wrong. Nothing wrong with looking the way we do. The OP has no problem with the way she dresses, it's the bitch teacher/mum.who has the problem.

As for veiled posts on facebook, that passive aggressive shit is so crap. Don't stoop to this level, just be the grown up (which I'm sure you are), say your bit to her appropriately and leave her to fester.

Mamamia344 · 05/03/2021 23:44

I'm not just saying this to make you feel better but they're clearly a bit jealous! Why would you bother otherwise? I would just ignore it and carry on as normal. They're going to feel massively awkward now - just leave them wondering.

Fatas · 05/03/2021 23:44

Hi op

I think you do right by not reporting.

I hope you send the second response and I hope she’s bloody mortified.

I’d have been tempted to reply at the time and say actually there was no filter.

Am also just shamelessly place marking as looking forward to hearing their response

EarringsandLipstick · 05/03/2021 23:51

@Ariela

I'd ensure every time I turn up on school run I am the epitome of smart & classy from now on.

I'd also make a veiled post on my FB about ensuring you check what you are sending on social media is to the right person - sure there is some funny gif or something you can share. I'd also gain a new habit of continually share anti-bullying posts etc. And posts about social media standards expected of teaching staff, that kind of thing. Just to make the point you know. And you are watching, but will take no action right now.

No.

To all of this. (IMO). I don't think this is the route OP is going anyway but God, it's so PA and a bit infantile.

No need for veiled hints at anything. Not just this situation but people need to call stuff out like adults, not hysterically but with clarity.

(Again, speaking generally, as OP is absolutely not hysterical & is utterly clear!)

Shelby2010 · 05/03/2021 23:51

I think it’s unfortunate that you won’t report but understandable that you are more concerned for your daughter.

In which case really put the shit up her...
‘Dear X, several mums have sent me a screenshot of a post you made about me yesterday. Obviously I’m hurt about the bitchy comments you made but I have advised them that I won’t be acting on this. However I and they, do think this reflects badly on your professionalism and understanding of cyber-bullying. ‘