I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

@FourTeaFallOut a "playground dynamic" is exactly what I'm trying to avoid by keeping it a bit more private

Whilst I appreciate the compliment, I didn't use a filter. But thank you anyway. And move on to different topic. I don't agree with ignoring- that then makes her thing the snark was got away with. But a suitably high road response is needed, not sinking to the level. Then move on, polite when needed.

@OverweightPidgeon

I think it’s wise to take into account the fact that reporting this to the head teacher could have repercussions involving the Ops child. What should happen and what actually happens in real life are two very different things.

Exactly this.

It won't be a case of Miss Campbell loses her job, everyone rejoices and I get a medal and my DD is unaffected. Her kids to go the school FFS. Aside from it affecting my DD, it would break the heart of her two (lovely, her youngest is in the same class as my youngest as well) children to see their mum not being allowed to work at the school anymore.

Deffo confront her and let us know

@FourTeaFallOut - the OP is under no obligation to do what you, or anyone, suggests on this thread.

Why do you seem to think she is?

You seem very over-invested. If you think the OP’s behaviour is ‘cowardly’ and ‘pathetic’, and she’s not handling this in a satisfactory manner for you, why not hide the thread?

But you will be taking it on faith, with nothing but the word of someone who has poor boundaries and who is two-faced, that it will remain private, op and not simply the next subject of conversation in a private group of other parents.

Oh yes ! A witty reply. Sounds like jealous Bitch. I bet you looked gorgeous.

Call her out on it though, and on the group not to her personally.

@FourTeaFallOut well then she'd have to admit what she did and in my eyes, if anyone thinks she is the one that comes out well from this then they're thick twats who aren't worth bothering with.

I think your suggested PM to the teacher is a great response

Hmmmmm will she be teaching your child? If so I’d keep quiet. If she isn’t I’d be tempted to share with the school as it’s completely unprofessional and just downright bitchy.

I think that @CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend is responding in a sensible and proportionate fashion - she is standing up for herself, without going nuclear.

I'd send a private message to the head of department at the school showing the kind of unprofessional behaviour the teacher gets up to. Wouldn't engage with her on any level (you are above that) but I would position it as "said teacher doesn't know where the boundary lies and is incapable of behaving professionally".

Can't believe people like that get to be teachers! Sorry didn't read the rest of the thread but feeling outraged on our behalf. What a shallow human being she is. How is she inspiring children to be good?

I’d reply with

I suspect that a group which it is acceptable to throw up pictures of parents for a quick bitch session is by nature a group of thick twats who aren't worth bothering with. Which would be forgettable on most occasions were it not for the fact that a school teacher is leading the pack.

Is this the type of person you can nudge into being a better teacher by appealing quietly to them about their professionalism?

I just don't see it but I guess it's worth a shot if it saves you hassle so long as you are certain that taking this up directly won't get in the way of the situation being dealt with in the same way should you need to go to the head.

I would send her a sad face and nothing else

☹️

@Porridgeoat

I would send her a sad face and nothing else

☹️

Oh c'mon! Adult women can surely at least use their words?

You’ve left it too long to do anything IMO
Even a DM
Sad grown women feel it’s ok to behave like that

If it wasn't for teacher , I'd ignore it OP. However , she isn't being very professional at all , so I'd let her know you seen it . If she doesn't seem very sincere in her apology , I'd speak to the Head . She needs working on her professional value system . What's she doing on What's App with a bunch of pupil's mums anyway ?

Ok, if reporting it isn't a possibility how about a pithy reply,

You're so sly, but so am I. #nofilter

What's she doing on What's App with a bunch of pupil's mums anyway ?

She is also a pupil's mum - he daughters are in the school too.

I don't think this is inherently wrong. But absolutely, you'd want to have good boundaries in place.

I also think that are different levels , if you like, of action that can be taken -

1. Say nothing
2. Say something to the person themselves
3. Go straight to the top

By going for level 2 , it can have the desired effect but still leaves level 3 if needs be, going straight for level 3 could backfire and then there is nowhere else to go.

@LyndaSnellsSniff

Ok, if reporting it isn't a possibility how about a pithy reply,

You're so sly, but so am I. #nofilter

I'm nearly 40, I'm not sure I'd carry this response off 😂

This is a really horrible thing to have happened OP. I understand why you don't want to report it and it's totally up to you. I just wanted to point out that it wouldn't be your fault if she lost her job or was reprimanded over it, it would be hers! She was the one who was completely unprofessional and nasty!

She'll think she's got away with it now. I bet the group are pudding themselves and pleased with their lucky escape.

@Roszie

She'll think she's got away with it now. I bet the group are pudding themselves and pleased with their lucky escape.

Well, she won't, as OP has a planned response.