I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

Maybe a little tetchy but it is bloody frustrating to watching teachers rehash this playground script with the same cost/benefit analysis as the children.

@FourTeaFallOut

Maybe a little tetchy but it is bloody frustrating to watching teachers rehash this playground script with the same cost/benefit analysis as the children.

What? 🤔

Today 21:09CornforthWhite

I’d change my WhatsApp profile to worzel gummidge and text her privately. That way everyone knows you know (and have a sense of humour) without saying a word.

Love this!

I'd message back saying something like. I'm sorry you thought it was okay to be mean about my appearance. I've actually had a few very difficult months and this was my way of cheering myself up. I'd lay off the bullying stuff as this isn't really bullying. Bullying is generally sustained behaviour rather than a one off. I'd say it's more a nasty bitch showing a lack of maturity, poor judgement and no idea of female solidarity. I totally believe the old saying re if you can't say something nice ........

I admire your ability to consider all outcomes, OP. So many threads on AIBU whip themselves into vengeance fantasies, egging the OP on to destroy several important relationships which obviously has no consequences to them, and they'd never do the same in their own lives.

I often think this too - people telling strangers to 'March in', 'tell her to fuck off', 'change the locks' - easy to say when it's not them affected! The vast majority of MN responses are super helpful but I won't be caught up in any nonsense.

I will however update you all on what I do and if I get a response!

Ohhh I would definitely have to drop a passive aggressive message like “you of all people know how hurtful your comments can be”

@FourTeaFallOut

Maybe a little tetchy but it is bloody frustrating to watching teachers rehash this playground script with the same cost/benefit analysis as the children.

Eh?!

@CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend
Sorry this happened she sounds like a right cow but at least you know her true colours.

I wouldn't text her anything as I expect she would screenshot and share with the friends and have a laugh about you seeing it.

I would actually wait until she is in a work capacity face to face and quietly mention something like 'check your group before you press send' in a jokey way. Then you are telling her you know/ her card is marked but being Mrs Campbell she is in a more mature/ responsible state of mind to take in what's happened. Rather than just laugh about it with mates- also face on you're really standing up for yourself.
As far as you're concerned then, you've shown her you're the better person and making a bit of a joke things can move forward easier- even though you will now be wary.

And you obviously looked good on your picture!

What a lovely teacher

What do you mean, what?

On the one had you have a bitchy clique and lots of social capital and on the other is the victim looking to redress the balance but without getting anyone in trouble and being an outcast. I mean, you don't need to cast a particularly critical eye over the situation for the playground politics to be plain.

OP you sound so lovely and so level headed!!

I think your reply would be perfect!!

@GingerAndTheBiscuits

I’d go with replying to the delete message “You’re quick, but I’m quicker 😉 #screenshot” and just let her squiiiirm. You don’t need to do anything about it from there. But she knows you know and she’ll hopefully cop herself on from now on. Hope you’re okay OP!

Think this is my favourite suggestion!

I’m a teacher and I think she should be seriously regretting this, otherwise she’ll just keep doing it. If she thinks she got away with it, she may not punish herself hard enough. So she definitely needs to know that you saw it.

But going to the head might be a bit much. It is an option but could result in her losing her job or having a really hard time from the head / governors . It’s your choice of course but I think in your position I’d want to occupy full moral high ground , and I’m not sure that the hell you could put her through would be proportionate to the crime. I might be tempted to tell her that I’m wondering whether to take this to the head but haven’t yet decided.

Just got halfway through the thread and noticed that anyone who has any links to education are saying report. That speaks volumes about what you should do, so I would ignore the doormats who would "take the high road" as an excuse for why they get trodden all over repeatedly.

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

This ^

And send it to the group she commented on, together with your profile pic.

Think this is my favourite suggestion!

The beauty of it is her minions can’t leap to defend her because it’s not a question, or defensive, or unpleasant. They’ll just have to go “oh...shit” and then think before they start bitching next time

Terrible and unprofessional behaviour. Please report this. If you are in that position as a teacher and decide to be in a WhatsApp group with parents or another group etc still with parents at your school you teach then surely you must think that your behaviour must always continue to be professional. What a horrible thing to do.

[quote purplebiscuits]@CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend
Sorry this happened she sounds like a right cow but at least you know her true colours.

I wouldn't text her anything as I expect she would screenshot and share with the friends and have a laugh about you seeing it.

I would actually wait until she is in a work capacity face to face and quietly mention something like 'check your group before you press send' in a jokey way. Then you are telling her you know/ her card is marked but being Mrs Campbell she is in a more mature/ responsible state of mind to take in what's happened. Rather than just laugh about it with mates- also face on you're really standing up for yourself.
As far as you're concerned then, you've shown her you're the better person and making a bit of a joke things can move forward easier- even though you will now be wary.

And you obviously looked good on your picture!

What a lovely teacher [/quote]
This is utterly daft, sorry.

They don't work together. The opportunity to speak like this will be limited.

The woman did post something nasty on the group & calling it out shows her & her cronies that they are seen & it's not ok.

Quietly having a word? Making a joke? Why?

FourTeaFallOut

Your posts are making no sense. I can't make out what you are saying.

You cant understand that this is a childish playground dynamic which we tell children not to engage with?

@Kolo

I'd put the screenshot up as my new profile picture, but I'm petty as hell.

Genius!!

OP, sorry you've experienced these. People can be so cruel. Probably jealous! Bitches 😘

Think I'd definitely go back with something like 'oooh dear I'm embarrassed for you' #professionalboundaries

Certainly couldn't ignore it.

@FourTeaFallOut

You cant understand that this is a childish playground dynamic which we tell children not to engage with?

I don't see the 'playground dynamic' you refer to, no.

However, the way you are writing, generally, is really hard to understand.

If reply I assume you meant to send this message to somebody else and slag me off behind my back rather than to my face.

Then I'd block and delete the nasty piece of work.

I really don't think she is very professional if she taught both your kids and is sending pictures of you over what's app groups slagging you off

I think it’s wise to take into account the fact that reporting this to the head teacher could have repercussions involving the Ops child. What should happen and what actually happens in real life are two very different things.

GingerAndTheBiscuits
I’d go with replying to the delete message “You’re quick, but I’m quicker😉 #screenshot”

Ooh just seen this one, I like this👍