I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

@Tianatiers

I think you've left it a bit too long to write anything on the original what's app group to say you saw it. So now I think just a private message to her to say you saw the message before she deleted it and from one teacher to another you don't think it was very professional of her or setting a good example. A bit like your option 2 but less wordy and take out the bit about resources. If you can leave a bit of doubt in her mind that you might report it even better.

I think you're absolutely right.

Plus it will keep the gossips at bay if I don't reply in the WhatsApp group.

@flakymate

My concern is, if this happened between pupils in her class what would she do? Would she tell the victim they’re overreacting and should man up because she doesn’t see an issue? I mean, she clearly thinks it’s normal behaviour

Well i will see what her response is to my message - as in fairness she may give a grovelling apology and promise to never do it again. I don't think she'd have the guts to tell me to man up

@Shelby2010

Would you handle it the same way if you saw her bullying another parent? One who wasn’t ‘one of her own?’.

This. It’s a real breach of professional standards. Worryingly so.

@CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend
I didn't see your update before I posted.. number 2 is perfect! Sooooo patronising, I love it!!

You're being rather too understanding, OP.

Comments can be made, maybe, not someone taking the time to screen shot from your personal Facebook , and then share it via a completely different platform ?

100% nasty, in my book.

@AnotherEmma

YY to waiting to see if she apologises before confirming that you won't report! I like the idea of making her sweat a bit tbh

Yes, good point!

Wow. I’m not sure what I would do with that but I do like the anti bullying retort. Shocking behaviour.

I’m early 20s and have a few teacher friends - they would never let this happen. They have locked down all their social media and definitely don’t add parents/children. Hell, they don’t even add their colleagues. Let alone participate in such a group chat.

I know when I was in school, teachers were briefed well on how to handle both their own social media accounts and problems between pupils on social media. I refuse to believe the lady in question wasn’t given the same, if not more in depth, training. She really has no excuse.

So, she's a teacher and she uses social media to form a bitchy clique and bitch about the appearance of parents in the school and you are a teacher and too cowardly to deal with the situation properly because you are too cowardly and worried about this social consequences?

God help our kids.

Maybe ask when she will be teaching the kids about the perils of social media and how once something has been posted, it is out there ... even if they delete it. Maybe let her know you have some real-life examples you're happy to share with her if she wanted to include them in her lesson plan.

@TheLumpySofaCushion I'm quite thick skinned (and I've calmed down a bit) but I'm trying to look at the bigger picture and if I would regret it.

I once lost someone their job after complaining and I didn't sleep for weeks. TLDR; I moved to another country for a year when DD was a newborn. Went to the local mall, only a mile from our new home but as there were no paths or streetlights directly to the house I had to get a taxi home. 3 taxis in a row refused to take me because it wasn't far enough for them. The mall was closed at this point and the lights were off so I was in darkness in a strange place, with a baby and a pram and no safe way of getting home. It's only because I burst into tears that a lovely woman took pity on me and took me back in the taxi she was catching, which was going much further. Anyway I got the taxi number of the third man who refused to take me and complained, and he got the sack. I was furious at the time but i felt awful for so long after.

Plus it will keep the gossips at bay if I don't reply in the WhatsApp group.

Honestly, I would reply, with one short pithy response, in the main group.

You don't need to do more or stoke any gossip. But I think she deserves to be called out; you're doing so in a dignified way but also letting the others she intended it for know you're not taking that shit.

You sound like such a lovely person op. So forgiving and kind. You didn’t deserve to be treated this way.

Please try not to worry about what the stupid woman said....she was a dick.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I hope it works out well for you, take care 💐

I’d change my WhatsApp profile to worzel gummidge and text her privately. That way everyone knows you know (and have a sense of humour) without saying a word.

@OP, she’s so lucky it’s you and not somebody else.

@Vinosaurus

Maybe ask when she will be teaching the kids about the perils of social media and how once something has been posted, it is out there ... even if they delete it. Maybe let her know you have some real-life examples you're happy to share with her if she wanted to include them in her lesson plan.

Don't do this.

All these PA suggestions are so puerile. Just say what you think.

@Vinosaurus

Maybe ask when she will be teaching the kids about the perils of social media and how once something has been posted, it is out there ... even if they delete it. Maybe let her know you have some real-life examples you're happy to share with her if she wanted to include them in her lesson plan.

This is good!

@FourTeaFallOut there is absolutely no need for your snidey comments. Anyway I thought I was 'pathetic' for wanting to stand up to her make your mind up

I'm not cowardly, if I wanted to report her I'd have no problem doing so at all, but I do think it can be handled between the two of us and I am thinking of my daughter not being affected by any of this

No, I never said that. I said you were pathetic for not going to the HT.

Oh the sweet irony of your posts @FourTeaFallOut

Well I hope you come back and update once you’ve messaged her.

I’d be honest tbh.

‘Hi X, I’m sure you’ve been wondering whether I saw your message - yes, I did. I was actually really hurt and surprised that you’d be so unkind. Anyway, see you Monday x’

Not really, they are consistent throughout. There's nothing ironic about it. I think you should speak to the HT and not play these head games.

I'd report the teacher to the school, that's hideously unprofessional of her.

Surely if she does get a disciplinary for her behaviour it should be confidential and she shouldn't be allowed to tell other people about it, so you wouldn't have to worry about everyone hating you? Also your child suffering at school because you've reported her would be extremely unprofessional too and grounds for a serious complaint!

@FourTeaFallOut the irony is on a post about bullying comments, you said to the person who's received the comments that they're:
Pathetic
Cowardly
"God help our children" because of my intentions.