I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

Sounds good, OP. I wouldn't say 'bitching' though. Keep it super professional and polite. Enjoy the schadenfreude!

What are you going to do @CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend

@CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend is that the teachers real name you've used??

I'd definitely go for your second message!

I would do the second but on the thread ...but I can be bitchy like that

Do not ignore. Do anything else but nothing.

I vote for option number 2. I think it’s the mature and direct way to handle it.

Maybe ask @Guiltypleasures001 's DH as I see a man has graced us with his superior view

@FourTeaFallOut was that in response to me?

I think I will do both 1 and 2

I understand why people think I should report her but in the event she did get sacked or disciplined please remember our children are friends and I can't jeopardise my DD being alienated in any way.

Yes.

[quote IReallyNeedMoreGin]@CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend is that the teachers real name you've used??

I'd definitely go for your second message![/quote]
Nooooo sorry it's just an example of how people would see it!

@FourTeaFallOut don’t be wet! Tit for tat would be OP getting pics if this woman and slagging her off, she SHOULD make this woman squirm

My feeling is this is less about the OP being upset and more about the teacher’s lack of professionalism.

With the increased amount of online work during lockdown, both my primary DC have had age appropriate lessons on internet safety & cyber-bullying.

This teacher has gone to the trouble of downloading a photo from Facebook for the sole purpose of circulating it on social media to mock the OP. This isn’t just an off the cuff remark in bad taste.

If it was one of the other mums then I would recommend using any of the other glib put-downs, but this is someone who has a responsibility for preventing and spotting bullying. What’s her response going to be if a child goes to her upset that someone has posted similar about them?

I think you should report to the Head & the Parent Governor, and I hope that you would do the same if it was another parent who you saw being bullied.

@CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend

Wow, thank you all for your messages so much great advice!

Reading through, I don't want to ignore it. They'll just assume they deleted it quickly and I didn't see.

Re reporting to the Head - a PP is right when they said she'd get a ticking off and I would be hated for getting Ms Campbell into trouble! Plus, I'm a teacher too in a secondary school. I don't like to land one of my own in it (even if she is a great big twat).

So what does everyone think of this:

1. Reply in the thread "I don't think I was meant to see that deleted screenshot was I?" (As a bit of self serving comeuppance/making them all shit themselves)

1. PM the mum who sent it and say something along the lines of, from one teacher to another, you need to be careful about forming allegiances with other parents and bitching about another mum. Whilst I won't report it, another person would and so you need to be more professional. Also as a teacher to another, we teach pupils about online bullying and we need to set that example too. I am a PSHE lead and I am happy to send resources to you about appropriate online communications that I use in my teaching?

Can't help but get a PA dig in there at the end

I would do a mixture of the two. Option 2 is too wordy, but you could address her awful conduct and then highlight the lack of professional/kind conduct and point out that you are happy to share your professional resources over private DM.

@FourTeaFallOut

Yes.

Why how is it tit for tat?

Surely tit for tat would be sending back a bitchy message about HER appearance

She's a teacher and parent in same school? Then yes, option 2.

I'd pick her up on it. Ask her why, when the world is this crazy, she feels the need to be so bitchy and spiteful.

I'd remind her that we all need to be supporting each other and not criticising x

1. Direct but less of an essay. Just say it was unpleasant to see this.

Let her do the explanation / apology / grovelling & let her sweat that you might report it.

Meh, we’ve all sent an accidental WhatsApp.
I did it to my neighbour yesterday,

she received a message meant for my husband where I was telling him the kids said neighbour’s got a dog and wheelie bins in their cars to make room for their house viewers appointment, with a couple of donut emojis on the end. Meaning the neighbours are donuts for putting dogs and wheelie bins in their cars.

I use donuts emoji in an endearing way though, she’s a great girl and dismissed the WhatsApp error. She’s upfront like that that. Reason I like her. A rare thing in women.

Anyway, all women talk about eachother about their backs, we all know that.
Your colleague’s comment might be malicious, might be lighthearted banter to remain inclusive in your WhatsApp group, she might be jealous of your looks, she may be knackered and wishing she could look so good so easily.

None of it matters. Don’t reply. You’ll only cause a hubbub.

And if you must reply, just laugh it off, say something like, “Mabel, you just accidentally said I Facetuned myself and it cracked me up, I honestly look worse after Facetune than I do before!”

And then chuck a genuine comment in there back to her.
You’ve diffused a potential bomb there, everyone stays happy.

I'd miss out the teaching materials bit. Sounds very passive aggressive. First bit about allegiances is good.

You should speak to the headteacher. It doesn’t have to be a big complaint, just a statement of the facts, but they need to know. It’s bullying and quite shocking from a teacher communicating with parents. It might not change her attitudes but she needs to understand that she has to abide by certain standards of behaviour.
The school would want to know. Please don’t let this go.

[quote Puddingypops]@FourTeaFallOut don’t be wet! Tit for tat would be OP getting pics if this woman and slagging her off, she SHOULD make this woman squirm[/quote]
She should go to the head instead of engaging in passive aggressive power play.

If you reported it to the head, there is a very high possibility she could lose her job, is that something you could live with doing to her and her family?

It wouldn't be wrong to do so and you're well within your rights to but I personally wouldn't want to be responsible for that however, no way would I ignore it.

I'd private message her the screenshot, say is this within your schools policy on acceptable social media use for staff, I wonder what the consequences would be if I shared this with your head but luckily for you I'm not that spiteful. And then never respond to her again. Hold your head up high next time you take your child to school.

Definitely not 2. That's letting her off the hook way too easily.