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Original poster

I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

999 replies

CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend · 05/03/2021 16:22

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

  1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
  2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
  3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
  4. Something else
  5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit Sad

OP posts:
Itsokthanks · 05/03/2021 19:59

Wow, how horrible. The fact she's a teacher makes it worse and she also shouldn't be friends on fb with parents from the school she teaches at.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 05/03/2021 19:59

I know it probably makes me as bad, but I couldn't resist a bit of sarcasm.

[Under reposted screenshot] - 'And there you have it folks, proof that #nofilter ain't necessarily the best social media approach ...' topped off with a few laughing emojis.

Then a big beaming smile and wave as you breeze past her at school drop-off. And mute (but don't leave) the group.

The high road and silence is a good approach to most things IMO, but this is one I wouldn't let go. Bullies need holding accountable for their actions.

Katjolo · 05/03/2021 20:04

Report to the headteacher. The teacher has been highly unprofessional!

Hottubtimemachine · 05/03/2021 20:05

I’m so sorry she did this, it’s understandable you are feeling hurt and pissed off. I’m very surprised at people saying ignore! I would absolutely make a comment on the whatsapp group to let her stew then I would be taking it to the head so she can be reminded of her role within the community.

SecondRow · 05/03/2021 20:05

Maybe the OP's posting her message on here and then disappearing is her riposte to the teacher? If she knew the class group was a hive of Mumsnetters...?

MrsIsobelCrawley · 05/03/2021 20:05

If the OP only changed her FB profile picture today, this would mean the teacher mum sent the message during working hours. This would prove difficult for the teacher concerned if you decided to report it to the HT.

SoulofanAggron · 05/03/2021 20:07

I would definitely say something. At the very least say in the chat that you hadn't used any filters or anything, you were just playing around with your makeup. I would say you were upset (if you want the friendship to improve/think it can.)

Either that or leave the group.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 05/03/2021 20:08

@hotsouple

I have an question as an American, do British kids not have school buses? Because in America you just wave your kid goodbye and they go off and catch the bus and you never have to see the other parents unless you are volunteering for something or attending the school play, etc.
No we don't.

I've lived in America. They're a much safer option - strict give way laws around them - and a no-brainier as far as I can see. Never understood why we don't have them.

MrsWhites · 05/03/2021 20:14

@Returnoftheowl

I'd share the screenshot in the group with a comment shopping the lines of "guess you probably didn't mean to share that with me and everyone else?!" and watch her squirm.

If you say nothing she'll think she deleted it in time and that she got away with it.

I’d do this too. She deleted it because she didn’t want you and the others in the group to see how bitchy she is, this way other parents get to see her true colours and she’ll know you have a screen shot!
icantbeliveitsnotbutter · 05/03/2021 20:15

I wouldn't say anything back in the chat, just because people like this often have a habit of turning anything that their victim says into another point of bitching. But yes, report to the head! Highly inappropriate and unprofessional.

LockdownIsDragging · 05/03/2021 20:16

@hotsouple that is the case at high school but not lower down, so only 11 years plus.

EachandEveryone · 05/03/2021 20:18

Not enough space on the roads probably

FortniteBoysMum · 05/03/2021 20:19

If your going to post it own it. No use removing it once the cats out the bag. Oh but huni this face doesn't need filtering. Or my personal favourite..... teacher should of gone to specksavers.

Rina1989 · 05/03/2021 20:21

It's quite unprofessional if she is a teacher but she also sounds very insecure. If I see anyone on my Facebook with an updated image - filtered or not I've never said things about them..not even thought too! If I didnt like a photo I probably just wouldn't say anything.. it's not affecting me anyway.. she sounds like a bit of a bully regardless of if she is a good teacher!!
I am also sure you looked lovely and honestly take no notice. I feel like you should say something as I feel angry for you!! But I'm not sure if it would make things better.

1940s · 05/03/2021 20:21

@ummmmbop

I'm sorry but the fact that she is a teacher at your DC school I think takes this to another level of awful. I'd go to the school and show the headteacher. And I'd ask the headteacher if this is inline with anti bullying policy!

If it was just another mum having a bitch then I'd just reply on the group and out her, but the fact that you stand a chance of seeing her regularly in her work place, and your DC's may end up in her class etc makes what she did really bad. I'm furious for you OP!

I agree!!!!
BloggersBlog · 05/03/2021 20:24

Op??

Stokey · 05/03/2021 20:25

@SecondRow

Maybe the OP's posting her message on here and then disappearing is her riposte to the teacher? If she knew the class group was a hive of Mumsnetters...?
I was wondering this. Only original post and nothing more from the OP.
wouldukissafrog · 05/03/2021 20:26

I'd have to let it be known that I saw her message!

FYI I'm surprised a teacher is allowed to be part of a WhatsApp group and informally friendly with other parents

I'd certainly message her directly

gabster33 · 05/03/2021 20:26

Wow - I know a teacher who has been sacked for less than that. I would probably send her something privately as it could have the fall back (wrongly) that you are ostracised from the class - not good for kids either. But I would want her to seriously consider this from a professional capacity.

Theworldisfullofgs · 05/03/2021 20:26

I was copied into an email chain where someone was discussing me. I replied to let them know I'd seen it. They apologised and I moved on. It was much more awkward for them, then me.
I would do the same here.

Frazzled2207 · 05/03/2021 20:27

@sarahang

I'm with *@onyourway* too.

If you ignore it, they might think they got away with it.

Make it clear you saw it, make them squirm but take the high ground.

this
AnoDeLosMuertos · 05/03/2021 20:28

Send it to her boss

Kettledodger · 05/03/2021 20:29

Why do British people in these situations say "take the high ground, don't mention it, don't stoop to their level" etc? This surely just allows the perpetrator to think they have got away with it. Is it a case of the British not liking confrontation or calling people out on their rudeness? I have lived in Britain for 25 years but not brought up here. I have no problem calling people out when I feel aggrieved, admittedly it has caused me to be seen as the aggro one sometimes...meh

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 05/03/2021 20:31

I'd message her saying 'Not quick enough. I'll be speaking to your employer in the morning with the screenshot. You are unprofessional and your bulling a parent for their appearance on social media is not only reprehensible but brings the school into disrepute.'

Then go silent, don't reply to anything and watch her shit herself. You should actually speak to the head teacher as well. I wouldn't want a bully teaching my kids. Even though you don't have a screenshot, she doesn't know that.

KarensChoppyBob · 05/03/2021 20:31

If you're going to respond OP I prefer the more succinct replies. To the point. They're more cutting than wasting a paragraph on it/her, or like you've given it too much thought. I wouldn't mention it hurt you but maybe that's just me.

Some good brief retorts on this thread though.