I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

@Reallybadidea

I really wouldn't make a complaint to the headteacher. I think you will just come out of it looking worse than she is if you do. Just make it clear that you have seen it and leave it at that. Don't be embarrassed about letting her know if it upset you - it's her shame, not yours. Pretending you're OK about it lets her off the hook.

I agree.

You don't get sacked for something like that anyway

and a complaint makes it a like a playground hair pulling fight, it's embarrassing.

I would just message asking if she meant to send me that, so she knows, and leave it at that.

Any other ridiculous and childish message put the sender in a bad light and drowns the actual issue.

Sounds like the green eyed monster ....I'd have to answer with a cutting remark so she knew I'd seen it. Then I'd ignore the bitch

@MedusasBadHairDay

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

No, go for the jugular.

'Could you guide me to where the social media policy is on the school website, please? Or should I ask the Head?'

@onyourway

Send back 'I'm not sure this was meant for me' and then move on, don't respond further, ignore any pleading messages and when you next see them, slap a big smile on your face.

When they go low, raise yourself high

I think this is a good idea. You keep the moral high ground but she knows you saw it and will feel awful and embarrassed, as she should! It sounds like jealousy to me.

Lift a picture of her, use a paint app to add horns and a forked tongue and then send it to the group and say “actually that photo is me without any kind of Facetune but here’s one of you I did edit. What a shame we can’t retune your personality or turn down the bitchiness”.

Actually what I’d really do is email the head with the screenshot and say that you don’t think it is a professional or pleasant way to behave and it makes you question what other problems there may be at the school with communication and confidentiality and could the HT confirm by return what action they intend to take to remedy this.

I would report this as she's a teacher. All the teachers I know are so careful with social media - a rightly so.

I'd send it to the HT in an email. I agree with a pp who is a Governor. What else is she sharing on there that she shouldn't be?

Unprofessional and unkind of her. I think I’d be keeping my head down because I’m a total coward, but the right thing to do is report it to the school IMO.

I think what you’ve experienced is awful, you must of been so upset.There really is no need for this type of nasty behaviour.

Im quite petty but id be really upset. Id probably msg to say sorry dont think this was meant for me to see then id leave the group.

I'd share the screenshot in the group with a comment shopping the lines of "guess you probably didn't mean to share that with me and everyone else?!" and watch her squirm.

If you say nothing she'll think she deleted it in time and that she got away with it.

When leaving id say i disagree with social media being used as a forum to bully

I'd let her know I'd seen it then give her a wide berth in future. It's worrying that someone so pathetically immature is allowed to teach young DC. What a dreadful role model.

Are these not the people who are to teach our kids that bullying is wrong? Yea straight to the HT!

Does it really matter that she's a teacher? Teachers are only human.

However, it does surprise me. Bitching about other people's appearances is something I'd associate with teenagers, it's just such a weird thing to get a kick out of as an adult.

I wouldn't want her to think it had got to me so as per pp suggestion, I'd say I'd take it as a compliment. Then she knows you've seen it but that you're dismissing her opinion.

Someone upthread criticised me for saying OP would be ostracised. The point is that the teacher is very unlikely to be sacked for this; she's most likely to get a bit of a dressing down and be warned off school- related social media.

And do you think she, and her horrible bitchy friends, will have a sudden blinding revelation of how nasty they have been and resolve to mend their ways and make it up to you? Will they Hell.

They will do all they can to make you feel uncomfortable, short of doing anything else you can report them for. And you have to put up with that for the rest of your DC's time at primary school. You'll be on the moral high ground, but it is likely to be a very uncomfortable place, for a long time.

Better to have her beholden to you. One false move and you can report this, and she knows that.

how wicked
no idea what i would do
aside from perhaps leave the group

I would report this to the school. I'd be worried about someone who is unable to act professionally or kindly, teaching my children.
Bullying is not acceptable, especially in a position of responsibility.

@caramac04

Crikey how unprofessional is she? Sad she can only have friends by ridiculing others. What a complete twat she is.

Oh come off it, she made a bitchy remark about someone and accidentally sent it to the wrong person how in the world do you get from that to only having friends by ridiculing others, some people are getting way too carried away with this

Have none of you ever made an ill advised comment about another person? I find that a little difficult to believe

No need for any clever posts saying that I must be the teacher, of course I'm not but it's a rare person who never passes a comment on someone else

It's not bullying simply because that person happened to find out.

Toughy.

You sound very lovely OP but that is harsh, horrid and just downright worrying for a teacher.

I don't think taking it further is worth it in this instance BUT I would be expecting an explanation about why she is such a 2 faced bitch quite frankly. It's hugely inappropriate.

I'd send something to her 1 on 1 saying 'clearly that message wasn't meant for me but I'm hurt (and really very confused) that you are commenting on my appearance in secret conversations. Thought I'd stopped going to high school some time ago!

That was me and I never suggested that she would be sacked . Nor do I think there would be blinding revelations. But you would have flagged this bitching problem to the head and and any of the consequences that follow should be directed in the same manner. Something which wouldn't be possible if you ignore it or go for a pithy reply.

Why would you advise the op to do nothing? To be a coward?

Leave the WhatsApp group. No words required.

Reply to the group with the screenshot...
' Was this meant for me? Shame you can't follow the anti-bullying guidelines at your own place of work and lead by example for the pupils'

I'd post to the group 'in case anyone is wondering, yes I did see it....' and leave her shitting a brick all weekend about whether you are going to report her

"No filter for me....and apparently not for you either".