I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

Tbh id send the screen shot with didn't think this was meant me for me .... then don't reply or say owt

Group chats are the 👿

I didn’t think you could delete WhatsApp messages once people had seen them?

I would post a screenshot of her message- because actually I think it’s important everyone on the group sees what a bitch she’s being-with a comment. Doesn’t matter what your comment is really, but nothing bitchy. ‘No filter needed, actually!’ or, ‘was this meant for a private group?’-something like that.

I don’t think I could let her think she’s got away with it-that’s a really nasty thing for her to do.

What a bitch, I would absolutely let her know that I'd seen it

Yes to make her squirm and then ignore completely from then on with your head high.

Did anyone else reply before it was deleted?

@WhatFreshStartIsThis

100% this

^^Today 17:39 CovoidOfAllHumanity

Reply 'you're probably wondering if you deleted this quickly enough. You didn't'

Then let her sweat^^

Oh yes!!!

@StellaStarfleet

I would be tempted to pop a comment into the group chat like, "You may have deleted that quickly but I still saw it," and leave it at that. I would just want her to know that I knew.

I'd do this! Wouldn't want her to think she's got away with it. What a cow!

@MedusasBadHairDay

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

Oh please send this!

@ummmmbop

I'm sorry but the fact that she is a teacher at your DC school I think takes this to another level of awful. I'd go to the school and show the headteacher. And I'd ask the headteacher if this is inline with anti bullying policy!

If it was just another mum having a bitch then I'd just reply on the group and out her, but the fact that you stand a chance of seeing her regularly in her work place, and your DC's may end up in her class etc makes what she did really bad. I'm furious for you OP!

This! Def this!

My dd overheard a teacher bitching about her to another teacher at school - you bet your ass I reported that teacher...in this instance I wouldn't as an adult I'd just take it on the chin and know she'd be mortified and will spend a few days shitting herself.

If she was just a Mum I'd let it go but not being a teacher at the same school..

Yes, if if was just a mum, I’d just leave it too. But she’s a teacher at your children’s school, which makes all the difference. She’s a nasty cow.

I didn’t think you could delete WhatsApp messages once people had seen them?

Yes you can. I've seen posts that were later deleted. Usually for something benign that was placed in the wrong group.

As bloody rude as it was take comfort in the fact she will be DYING at her mistake, so I would make sure she knows you saw, just something short and witty, give yourself the dignity and upper hand and I can guarantee she will do the rest to punish herself!

Yeah I'd definitely let her know. As a teacher at your daughters school that's a really nasty thing to be saying and sharing around.

If she’s a teacher I would report to the school

@onyourway

Send back 'I'm not sure this was meant for me' and then move on, don't respond further, ignore any pleading messages and when you next see them, slap a big smile on your face.

When they go low, raise yourself high

This. She needs to know you have seen it, and hopefully she can learn from it. She also needs to see you being the bigger person

I don't know what it is that I don't like about it but I really don't. I think you have to be rational though and decide if this could be a systemic issue then I'd let school know. Otherwise print it out and be safe in the knowledge they will never mess with you again. Maybe send them a photo, oh I thik this was what you deleted 😂

@NoSquirrels

Actually I’ve changed my mind. Rather than leave it as a personal matter I would send it to the HT, saying something like

“I don’t want to make an issue over my own personal hurt feelings, but having reflected on it I did feel I should bring this to your attention as I feel it strongly implies this is not the first time personal comments have been made about me or perhaps other parents behind their back by a teacher at the school. It seems unlikely to me to be an isolated incident. With that in mind I think all the staff ought to be reminded of the school guidelines on social media and perhaps have the policies reviewed.”

This response is perfect, and the first phrase is really important. You need your complaint not to be personal, but to be entirely objective and about professionalism.

I'm retired now, but even when I was working, our social media policy would have absolutely forbidden this sort of behaviour from a teacher (or any member of staff). And three years on, I imagine that social media policies are even tighter than they were then.

I wouldn't mention it at all on whatsapp, OP. You'll just feed whatever's gone on elsewhere.

I'd let her know I'd seen it. My school has a strict social media policy. Make her squirm.

I'd go for number 4. Get her fucking fired. Cunt.

Reply 'you're probably wondering if you deleted this quickly enough. You didn't'*

This! With the screenshot. Then reply to nothing over the weekend so that she shits herself.

Whilst you could report her to the head, I wouldn't. She'll get a verbal ticking off and you'll be ostracised.

Neither would I send any if the smart/ sassy/ cheeky replies suggested; those wil rrassure her that you're not taking it further. Why should you set her mind at rest?

Your best revenge is to have her absolutely shitting herself, not just this weekend, but until she hopes/ realises that you are not going to take this further. You now have her over a barrel indefinitely, and that, OP, puts you in a position of power.

I would reply with a simple, "I don't think you meant me to see that". Then wait to see if she grovels.