I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

Maybe speak toThe head teacher? I can't imagine they would
Be impressed with a teacher bullying a fellow parent. Ask for her to have training on bullying awareness or similar

I’d message back on the group chat “you didn’t delete that fast enough, it was unpleasant and unprofessional” and then do not engage.

I’d probably report it to the head but I would threaten it because it implies you’re looking for a response from her.

Hopefully she’ll reflect on being a bitch.

I'd take it as a compliment that you obviously scrub up well. Its not like she said. "All that effort and she's still a munter"

100% this

^^Today 17:39 CovoidOfAllHumanity

Reply 'you're probably wondering if you deleted this quickly enough. You didn't'

Then let her sweat^^

I would absolutely let her know I had seen it and let her sweat. How rude! I hate bullies.

I'd message her privately and say
'I saw what you wrote, you've actually really hurt my feelings and made me feel embarrassed. I want to give you the opportunity to apologise.'

If she's a dick and tries to minimise or deny then I'd speak to the head

If you wanted to reply to let her know you saw it, I would go with the #nofilter reply. But being a teacher I would seriously think about informing the school as most have a no social media policy which she is breaking and not even in an innocent way

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

I'd take it as a compliment that you obviously scrub up well. Its not like she said. "All that effort and she's still a munter"

You'd take it as a compliment that a teacher had picked out a picture of you to discuss your appearance with other mums in the school? More fool you.

I’d go to the office on Monday morning and show the staff there and ask for their advice. Only because I love them and they’d find this soooooo juicy.
No way would I ignore it. Why do bullies get away with it for so long? Because it takes courage to stand up to them.

I would go back with

"Excuse me!
I don't need filters, I'm fit as fuck without them thank you very much".

If it's still there take a screen shot as she can delete it.

Honestly, if you've done the same to others I would think twice about showing her up and maybe message privately. It was a nasty thing to do but would you want to potentially cost her her job considering you have done the same yourself. I think you treating her with a small amount of kindness would actually do a better job of highlighting what a bitch she's been and hopefully get her to think twice in the future. I am torn though, because she also has a professional responsibility... although she isn't currently your child's teacher... hmm. Never delete that screenshot though. Ever.

On balance I think I would private message her something like:

"Bloody hell, that wasn't a very nice thing to post about me, and to be honest really unprofessional too. I don't particularly want to stir up trouble for you work-wise because I really thought you were a great teacher for x so i didn't post this on the group. I was very tempted when I first saw the hurtful message though (which I did screenshot). Could you please explain why - do you have some sort of problem with me?"

I think I would reply with a simple ‘thank you ’

I don’t know how WhatsApp works, will she know you have seen it?

I would worry about what else she is saying.

Jesus, this is the sort of thing that would actually destroy me after struggling with my mental health and the bitchy school mums. I hope you don't let it get to you

100% I’d send the screenshot back to the group with a comment of some sort. Possibly something like ‘wow, that’s unpleasant’ or something very simple like ???

You need to send the screenshot back for the benefit of the people who didn’t see it to alert them to the sort of person she is.

I hope you’re ok OP, it still stings, even as an adult when people are mean

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

So a teacher at your children’s school has made a comment laughing about your appearance? I would actually go to the headteacher. It’s very inappropriate and I would actually want to cause trouble for that person. A teacher laughing at the appearance of one of their pupils parents...disgusting.

Try not to let it bother you though, it wouldn’t actually bother me, I just wouldn’t let her get away with it. I hate bullying and it certainly shouldn’t be something a teacher does to anyone.

I would post the screenshot back in the group chat with a comment saying 'I think you accidentally posted this message in the wrong group?' I'm petty and I think she should feel embarrassed and be held accountable.

I'd do 2.
Send the screenshot and say something like "It's a good idea to check you're sending shitty messages to the right person before you hit send. Better still, don't send shitty messages". And then don't engage further.

That is so horrible.

What an bitch.

I cannot understand why people have the energy to post screenshots of bitchiness around to others for laughs. What a cow.

I'd write "really disappointed to find out a person I respected and thought a lot of, could stoop so low as to jest with others at our local school about my appearance. A rethink about your priorities in life and how petty you are is what is needed. I will be talking to the headteacher about this, so yes, expect a conversation between the three of us when you return to school. I'm thinking about involving the governors too".

"And this at a time when covid is ruining lives, even contributing to suicides you think it's funny to poke fun at someone who was just trying to feel better about themselves. I am beyond shocked at your small-minded behaviour and I now feel judged and unwelcome at my children's school. It also makes me question what else you've been saying and doing behind my back and my children's too. From a teacher I really expected better".

Let her squirm and squirm.

As others said, reply in dignified way to let them know you have seen it.

Though being as you are honest enough to acknowledge you have done similar to others in the past, maybe reflect on that and commit not to do it in the future as you now know how hurtful and upsetting it is.

Sorry, op, that must’ve made you feel awful.

What have you replied? I’d definitely send it to only her, not the group, with a screenshot of her post..what a bitch!

@likeamillpond

I admire the way you've been honest and said you have done similar in the past. Because if this, I would cut her some slack and put it behind you. If it makes you feel any better, usually when women criticise another womans appearance it means they're jealous. I bet yoir new profile pic is really nice.

I agree with this.

There is no 'moral high ground', people do talk about each other, always have, and occasionally get caught out. You've done it yourself. It's not bullying as PP suggested, that's ridiculous overkill. as would be raising it with the headteacher.

I don't understand why posters are saying it's a back-handed compliment; it isn't, is it? Why would photo filters be involved? Don't most of us put up photos that don't show us looking like we've emerged from a hedge?

I would either ignore it - or just reply back saying something like, "Yes, it is a nice photo isn't it?". If it were me, I'd just reply back, "That's not very nice, is it?". I wouldn't have them on my Whatsapp list either.

There's nothing else for it, disquieting as it is. Not everybody likes everybody else and, even if they do, it doesn't stop them maliciously gossiping. Humans are flawed.

What have you done Op? I'd want her to know you saw it.. plus I'd tell the head , she absolutely cannot behave like that when she is a teacher and I'm usually very relaxed about school stuff ! If she was just a Mum I'd let it go but not being a teacher at the same school.. shocking!

Humans are flawed

Which is why we have codes of conduct and HR departments and managers.

@BoomShakeShake

That is so horrible.

What an bitch.

I cannot understand why people have the energy to post screenshots of bitchiness around to others for laughs. What a cow.

I'd write "really disappointed to find out a person I respected and thought a lot of, could stoop so low as to jest with others at our local school about my appearance. A rethink about your priorities in life and how petty you are is what is needed. I will be talking to the headteacher about this, so yes, expect a conversation between the three of us when you return to school. I'm thinking about involving the governors too".

"And this at a time when covid is ruining lives, even contributing to suicides you think it's funny to poke fun at someone who was just trying to feel better about themselves. I am beyond shocked at your small-minded behaviour and I now feel judged and unwelcome at my children's school. It also makes me question what else you've been saying and doing behind my back and my children's too. From a teacher I really expected better".

Let her squirm and squirm.

Oh come on... this whole site can be like that, SM itself is 'like that'. People are, unfortunately, like that.

It's just not nice when that 'witty' fault-picking beam falls on us.

If OP sends that it will not make the recipient squirm, they'll just roll their eyes and it will be yet more fodder for gossip - albeit they'll be careful not to send it to the OP.