I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

honestly I think I would post honestly to the group:

There was a post earlier and it hurt my feelings. As mums I think it is up to us to model behaviour for our kids.

OverTheRainbow88 Fair enough, I stand corrected on the privacy/safeguarding issue re: WhatsApp. But I still think this doesn't ring true.

@Serendipity79

I'm a school governor, and I am upset that so many parents would apparently just let this go. Our teachers aren't allowed social media contact (including WhatsApp groups) with any parents - even the ones who do have children at the school. It implies a familiar relationship which just isn't appropriate in case they have to deal with parents on sensitive subjects.

By joining a WhatsApp group with other mums, then slagging a mum off, that also could make the mums in that group feel like they have some special relationship with the teacher that should never exist as it can be belittling and upsetting for other parents. Mocking a parent for any reason is totally unprofessional.

If she's willing to mock another mums appearance, then what else is she willing to share with that clique of mums she has on her WhatsApp? That's what I would be concerned by. Her professional boundaries

This!

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@LoudestCat14

I’m part of a WhatsApp group for my sons class and teach some of his friends older siblings at secondary. Why wouldn’t I be in a group which benefits my kids because I teach siblings?

Not safeguarding or privacy issue at all.[/quote]
So you teach at a different school then?
Not the same at all.

@MyGodImSoYoung

I'd be tempted to reply 'Oops, that's a bit awkward 'insert name'' Don't let your emotions show, but let her know you saw the message before it was deleted.

yes, that would set them all talking about, including the ones who hadnt seen it. is that what you want though?

i would ignore and rise above, FB encourages bitchyness and shallow judging imo and she let herself down big time.
i suppose, you could make an appointment with her face to face at school and very coolly say "I was wondering if you would like to explain that whatsapp message?" and literally say nothing until she stops talking, then thank her and leave.

@NoSquirrels approach is the best. Contact the Head with @NoSquirrels message below, perhaps on Monday after giving it some thought.

“I don’t want to make an issue over my own personal hurt feelings, but having reflected on it I did feel I should bring this to your attention as I feel it strongly implies this is not the first time personal comments have been made about me or perhaps other parents behind their back by a teacher at the school. It seems unlikely to me to be an isolated incident. With that in mind I think all the staff ought to be reminded of the school guidelines on social media and perhaps have the policies reviewed.”

Do not respond to the Whataspp message, it just gives the gossips something to talk about. The bitchy teacher is shitting her pants at the moment (I wonder if she will contact you privately over the weekend....let her stew. If she contacts you, don't respond until you have thought about what you want to do.

I'm on a WhatsApp group for the year group, and it includes a teacher of another year group, it's not unheard of.

Personally, the difference between what I look like on the school run and what I look like when I've actually made an effort is the difference between chalk and ....er... chalk with lipstick. It's a backhanded compliment, but in the nicest possible way it's much more about them bonding than it is about you. It's just the way silly insecure people operate.

I'd lightly point out that you had seen it, but that you trust that's the end of the matter. No drama (however tempting it is to deliver a killer Pretty Woman line). Let the daft woman stew in her guilt, she knows exactly how stupid and unprofessional she's been, and she'll know that you know and you'll know that she'll know you could go to the head etc. at any time. They do say that sometimes the best revenge is not doing anything - just letting them think you might....

I'd probably message the group and say 'I think it's worth remembering, even if that was not intended for this group, that it says a lot about a person that they would send a nasty comment taking down another mum at all. I'm sure you're embarrassed @x for your mistake but you should be more embarrassed that you lost the run of yourself so badly that you created a nasty conversation with other people about my appearance. It's never good to do that. Id appreciate it if this situation is never brought up again. I don't need any apologies or justifications. Just for you to stop making a joke out of other people for gossip value'

Absolutely don’t ignore it!!

Send the screen shot back to the group!

Say oh, I don’t think that was meant for this group, but sorry to hear that you and whoever it was intended for are upset about my appearance first thing in the morning, during a pandemic. Will have to make a note of both of your attires in future so I can take some tips on how to do better, thanks for the tip xx

Or probably the grown up thing is to make an apt with the HT

@LoudestCat14

Ten pages of responses, OP's not returned and the culprit happens to be a teacher? 🙄

What, you think the teacher’s done away with her?

If she contacts you, don't respond until you have thought about what you want to do.

If she contacts you don't respond and add the contents of her email/post in the letter to the HT.

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@LoudestCat14

I’m part of a WhatsApp group for my sons class and teach some of his friends older siblings at secondary. Why wouldn’t I be in a group which benefits my kids because I teach siblings?

Not safeguarding or privacy issue at all.[/quote]
We have one of the school TAs who has a child in our class on the “official” class WhatsApp group. She only ever posts things like helpful reminders of upcoming diary dates and who to contact for lost property and things like that.

@onyourway

Send back 'I'm not sure this was meant for me' and then move on, don't respond further, ignore any pleading messages and when you next see them, slap a big smile on your face.

When they go low, raise yourself high

This

AlanSugaryTea Touché!

Crikey how unprofessional is she? Sad she can only have friends by ridiculing others. What a complete twat she is.

You reply oops and a wink. Let's her know you saw, That you are not bothered and you are acknowledging it says more about her than you.

Serendipity79 is speaking sense.
Whatever teacher sent this message has shown her lack of professionalism and it is a reflection on her place of work and her employer.
I would report it too. Goodness knows what other breaches of privacy she has made and this lack of discretion is very worrying in a school environment.

Wow, how pathetic and nasty of her. Sorry you have been on the receiving end OP, but it says more about her than you. Some people never grow out of being bitchy teenagers and unfortunately pass it onto their own children, and the cycle continues.

I would speak to the head and not respond to the teacher. Her being staff takes this to another level.

I’d let her know you’ve seen it. Otherwise she’ll be feeling smug thinking she’s got away with it.

Reply -
Post screenshot
"Oops, not sure that was meant for me! But just so you know, I don't need a filter, I scrub up quite well! I'm not insecure enough to need to fully do myself up for the school run.
Just wondering if the school is participating in an anti bullying campaign anytime soon, as it seems several, including teachers need further educating. See you monday!"

I am a teacher with 3 kids in my school and I won't be in any WhatsApp / email groups. DH does that.

However, I would absolutely call her out on it

'WoW... talk about unnecessary and mean spirited. I'll take it as a compliment as no filters used.

Here's hoping that your day gave you something more interesting than me to think about.'

And then I would absolutely email the headmaster. Adults conducting this type of mean girls behaviour (esp those who are supposed to be role models!) is just unacceptable.

And block them all on social media. Life is too short for that bullshit.

Oh, and then take it to the head 👌

@VettiyaIruken

I'd have to reply. Something like crikey X, you must have been embarrassed when you realised you'd posted that here by mistake.

The moral high ground is overrated. 😁

Yes this one!!

How horrible. I have been guilty of sending a message to the wrong person albeit I wasn't being a total bitch in the message. I have to say I would spend quite some time considering what I was going to do about this and a lot would depend on all the other factors (what is she like normally, etc).

I am inclined to be truthful though. I would probably respond with the screenshot back to the group and a comment like 'what a way to make me feel like shit. Thanks for that. Nothing like us women sticking together right? I appreciate it probably wasn't meant for my eyes but honestly it's pretty damn mean anyway. #nofilter'