Why am I obese?

[aapple]

Obviously, I eat more calories than I burn off. My BMI is 32. But why, what can I change?

I've done the calorie counting thing and reached a healthy weight many times before. It never sticks, and I want to make permanent lifestyle changes this time. I don't care if it takes years to reach a healthy weight, but I'd prefer if it didn't take decades.

I'm not looking to do anything that I wouldn't want the whole family doing. So no cutting out entire food groups, or fasting etc. I don't want to teach my kids those habits.

I live somewhere with little to no 'temptations' from shops and takeaways. I get my shopping delivered, pay for petrol at the pump and rarely go past any other shops. So I'm not sure it is the food environment. My weekly shopping list is all fruit, vegetables, dairy, bread, fish. A little jam, peanut butter and chocolate. Reasonably healthy I think.

I get some exercise, not a lot. I'm a stay at home parent, so rarely actually sit down between 5am and 9pm. I go for walks, at small person pace. I clean and garden. I do mum and baby pilates, and go for short runs at the weekend. I don't know where I would squeeze more exercise in really.

95% of what we eat is cooked from scratch, using whole foods. We don't have desserts often. I never drink alcohol, juice, squash. Just water and tea (no milk or sugar), maybe a coke with a meal out.

I only eat at the table, although days are hectic, so it is not always 3 meals a day. Sometimes there just isn't time for me to eat at mealtime if the kids are having a bad day. I've bought the "right" sized plates etc, to make sure I'm not having huge portions.

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

I do usually have a substantial snack when the kids are in bed. But I'm still breastfeeding my toddler through the night. I can get to sleep the first few times, but without that extra food I find I am too hungry to fall back asleep after the 3am feed.

Sorry, that's a bit long. Just musing really. Any constructive thoughts appreciated.

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel thanks for your groundbreaking discovery, you're truly a scientific giant of your time.

This thread isn't about you @DwangelForever.

I am like u .I have cut out sugar and refined carbs .I lost 3 kgs in a month just walking .

At what time do you eat your night snack? IMO the night fast is really important to keep weight down. You don't need to do 16:8 but a snack at 10 or 11pm doesn't allow your body to be on fasting mode and your sugar levels are always high. Really try not to eat your night snack, hard that I'm sure will be. Your body soon will be used to it and at least you know you'll be able to eat again Really soon 😉

What is your age? What was your weight pre-children?

Hate to say it but baking your own bread while nicer and healthier is often dangerous because it's impossible to cut thinly. I reckon there's twice as much weight in a home cut wedge as a skinny slice from a shop sliced loaf and you don't realise.

Just reread the OP- you’re also hungry because your sleep is disturbed (I’ve fed 4 until 2-3 years and I always put on weight when they woke loads).

If you make your own bread, I’d give that up first because you’re prob having large slices as it’s homemade delicious stuff! I think if you dropped the bread, potatoes and pasta and replaced with protein based meals, you’d easily lose weight whilst not being hungry.

Being home with little ones and stress snacking is my absolute zone- what else is there to do when it’s a really hard day?

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

This is the key OP.

If you don’t want to cut out/down food groups or fast, you need to track and reduce calories.

Looks like you eat a balanced diet generally which is great. Exercising more will mean you can eat a bit more and still lose/maintain.

If you track and reduce calories sufficiently and remain on a balanced diet, you will lose weight.

Boring but true and effective.

Why wouldn’t you want your kids to learn different habits? What you are doing isn’t working. And fasting is actually healthy for you with a lot of health benefits. Skipping breakfast allows your body more time to heal and repair. Google it and actually do some research and you will see. When I was younger I never ate breakfast (wasn’t ever hungry for it and luckily My mother didn’t force me). Anyway, I was never sick.

As for not eating certain food groups, sometimes people do this for health reasons. Everyone is different.

Something you are doing is not working, so you must change it or you will remain obese. I would suggest looking at diets and doing research and thinking what perhaps you can live with.

Atm I’m doing whole 30. It’s to reset my body and get back my health, which got messed up after having my third baby. I got high blood pressure and had to take medication (off the meds now), but it left me dealing w rosacea. After research I realise it is something in my diet. And need to reset. I’m on day 4 and already see improvement. And no, I don’t need to lose weight. My BMI is 20. But, I’m doing this strict diet for a month with my husband. And we cook our kids different meals or similar to what we eat, but for example for my kids they like teriyaki salmon w potatoes and butter plus broccoli. I make them that and for us we have salmon w lemon and olive oil, no butter on potatoes etc bc we can’t have that on this diet. After a month we will slowly introduce foods back in and see how it makes us feel etc.

It makes sense. Maybe you have insulin resistance or some other health issue which causes you to hold on to weight. Or maybe it’s just portion control.

But something needs to change if you want to change. Break old habits and start new healthier ones.

Not eating after your evening meal and cutting down on bread is helpful. As is not eating cakes, chocolate, biscuits and crisps. They need to be s very very occasional treat if you can't cut them out altogether. No snacks. Maybe you will need to wait till you've finished breastfeeding.

I am using Nutracheck Calorie Counter app and it’s really good, I prefer it to my fitness pal.

The thing for me was to accept that you can’t offset calories with exercise - so you can’t burn 200 calories and think that means you can eat extra, even when maintaining weight. High protein high fibre seems to work best for me. I love bread and I’m not about to give it up completely but I don’t have it every day any more.

I do sympathise OP. It seems like a long road but it doesn’t have to be punishing. I hope you find what’s right for you.

Carbs aren't the devil. People are so annoying when they tell people to stop eating them.

Carbs are definitely not the devil and you’ll get different people saying carbs are good but fats, salts, proteins, sugars etc are the devil. It changes with whatever fad is happening at that time. I have always eaten low fat foods thinking it was healthy but now I know they’re often worse.

But I tend to only eat one starchy carb meal per day just because I really struggle with portion size with carbs and find it easier to control portion size with fats and protein.

Have you ever had your thyroid checked? Even when it's a little off it can really mess things up.

And forgot to mention, I’m breastfeeding as well and able to do it on this diet. Although, my dd is almost 15 months and we are starting to try and get off the breast. She eats well though and only feeds 2-3 times a day.

You can still change habits and eat healthier when breastfeeding.

And after reading an example of your eating, it sounds fine and not that much (as long as it’s normal portion sizes). Get your thyroid check. From what you eat, if you eat similar daily, you shouldn’t be obese!

Until you know where you are, you don't know what needs to change.
Start simple, start small.
It doesn't need to take years, but small steps towards the life you think a healthy weight person lives.

Firstly, track what you eat.
Work out your BMR - there's loads on the internet.
Then go for simple changes. Eg. This week, eat more protein at breakfast and lunch. Walk 5000 steps
Next week, eat less of something else my fitness Pal flags up, walk 6000 steps.
Small increments add up pretty quickly.

Just reread the OP- you’re also hungry because your sleep is disturbed (I’ve fed 4 until 2-3 years and I always put on weight when they woke loads).

Absolutely this!
Sleep is one of the biggest factors with weight gain/loss.
Do you have a partner who could put the DCs to bed giving you an early night which will improve your sleep a bit and reduce your late night snacking?

I think we're possibly over complicating this. Clearly op is eating more calories than they're burning. So they need to either reduce portion size or cut something out -starting with the extra meal at night time.

Hypothetically looking at the ops meal examples they could be eating

Mushrooms on toast (incl oil or butter) - 400-500

Half half jacket with salad and butter - possibly 500ish

Veg chilli and rice - depending on portion size could be between 450-800

Toast and jam or pb - 350 - 450 (probably 450 if it's homemade bread)

So anywhere between 1800 - 2500, but if she is obese we can probably assume it's closer to the high end.

So there's your answer. Eating 2500 a day on not much exercise and it's obvious how anyone would gain weight.

Swap the above for

1 slice of hovis granary and 2 scrambled egg - 325

Pot of Yorkshire provender and a banana - 450 / or 4 ryvita with tin of tuna, light Mayo and cucumber - 350

Chicken casserole with unlimited broccoli and asparagus- 550

Total 1300 odd, with room for a snack.

@Mrsmorton I hear you!

This might be a bit controversial but if you’re well and happy, do you genuinely need to?

I would totally get it if you were considerably heavier and/or at risk of specific health problems (history of diabetes etc) but I think I’d be tempted just to keep an eye on my weight to ensure no further gain, enjoy my little children, wait until I’ve finished breastfeeding and then return to the idea a bit later.

Try not to be so hard on yourself

It sounds like bread is your enemy. (It’s mine too.) I only successfully lose weight when I cut it out. I love toast and jam too!

Also, when you say obese, do you mean 14 stone at 5ft 8, or over 18 stone at 5ft 2?

You don't want your kids to grow up seeing you starve yourself, of course not.

But if you're well over the obese threshold then that's not an example you want to set/normalise either. Staying obese may restrict your activities, make you more susceptible to illnesses etc.

It's not either or. They will not be traumatised by seeing you eat 1 slice of bread a day instead of several, or by seeing you eat salad for lunch.

I eat the same as you but no snacks in morning and evening. I’m an average weight.
However, when I was feeding and shattered I gained about 4 stone. It’s come off over the years as I stopped feeding. I used to eat a huge supper as I was ravenous in the evenings and knew I’d be up with kids and needed extra energy. Good luck!

(Sorry if I sound like I'm stating the obvious/being patronising. I could easily eat a whole loaf of bread a day because it's delicious. But I know I can't do that because I'm 5ft 3 with a desk job, so I limit my bread intake sadly )