Why am I obese?

[aapple]

Obviously, I eat more calories than I burn off. My BMI is 32. But why, what can I change?

I've done the calorie counting thing and reached a healthy weight many times before. It never sticks, and I want to make permanent lifestyle changes this time. I don't care if it takes years to reach a healthy weight, but I'd prefer if it didn't take decades.

I'm not looking to do anything that I wouldn't want the whole family doing. So no cutting out entire food groups, or fasting etc. I don't want to teach my kids those habits.

I live somewhere with little to no 'temptations' from shops and takeaways. I get my shopping delivered, pay for petrol at the pump and rarely go past any other shops. So I'm not sure it is the food environment. My weekly shopping list is all fruit, vegetables, dairy, bread, fish. A little jam, peanut butter and chocolate. Reasonably healthy I think.

I get some exercise, not a lot. I'm a stay at home parent, so rarely actually sit down between 5am and 9pm. I go for walks, at small person pace. I clean and garden. I do mum and baby pilates, and go for short runs at the weekend. I don't know where I would squeeze more exercise in really.

95% of what we eat is cooked from scratch, using whole foods. We don't have desserts often. I never drink alcohol, juice, squash. Just water and tea (no milk or sugar), maybe a coke with a meal out.

I only eat at the table, although days are hectic, so it is not always 3 meals a day. Sometimes there just isn't time for me to eat at mealtime if the kids are having a bad day. I've bought the "right" sized plates etc, to make sure I'm not having huge portions.

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

I do usually have a substantial snack when the kids are in bed. But I'm still breastfeeding my toddler through the night. I can get to sleep the first few times, but without that extra food I find I am too hungry to fall back asleep after the 3am feed.

Sorry, that's a bit long. Just musing really. Any constructive thoughts appreciated.

It sounds to me like your diet is fine. I would look at more exercise and see if that helps. Good luck!

@Batfurger

The thing is, if you're eating lots of carbs, your body can't access your fat stores for energy, so if you eat less and less and less calories, it has to take the calories from other bodily systems that would usually be fueled by those calories. You can end up with a situation where you are carrying a load of calories round in the form of body fat, but not having enough in a useable form to sustain your body healthily. So, you keep your fat, and you get exhausted/hormonally imbalanced/depressed/poor skin, hair, nails/poor sleep/night sweats etc.

Your fat is energy. That's what it's there for. Insulin release is like a locked safe around your fat. When you eat carbs, your body says 'Hold on, fuel system! Leave the fat where it is! There's sugar here, it's much easier to use!', and until it's burned all the sugar, that's how it will be. Most of us have a few hours of sugar in us, and if we don't top it up, even the leanest of us have a couple of weeks of fat.

Allow your body to run low on sugar, to to encourage it to use your fat. This can be as simple as having bacon and eggs for breakfast, so you get a carb-fast from dinner to lunch. Once your body starts learning how to use its fat, you won't get the food cravings, because your body knows where to get the energy it needs: from your bum/tummy/wherever it is.

If this has been posted before, apologies. My rule is simple (I'm 64 and still roughly the same size as I was pre DC, if not as shapely) bread can be eaten with butter, OR with jam, or cheese, or ham, but NEVER EVER with two toppings. I prefer toast and butter, or bread and cheese (no chutney) but I have trained myself to prefer good bread and delicious butter, just very carefully. Cheese is my failing... I love it, so I have to eat it carefully, but it's also a good protein.

I've been overweight most of my life and occasionally obese. I've been convinced most of my life something is up with me (I do seem to have an issue with gaining a vast amount of water weight v quickly - I'm talking 6lb after one larger meal) BUT the truth is when I log very carefully, I lose pretty much as expected.

I've often have made comments that I have to 'starve' to lose weight. And this is sort of true, but often when I have lost weight it's been pretty rapid. Probably averaged 800 calories a day over 4/5 months and exercised- which works out correctly for 3stone ish weight loss. My mum was the same - vastly reduced intake due to an illness, lost 6 stone in 6 months and was the lowest weight of her adult life.

I think it does come down to calories in vs out for 99% of people (there are some variations with genetics and underlying conditions). I think the big misconception is that larger people are all greedy, shoveling in KFC or Chinese every night. Your calorie balance doesn't need to be that 'off' to gain weight. I've gained 3stone over 3 years - makes a lot of difference to how I look, but it works out as a calorie imbalance of 100ish a day - so literally an extra banana, biscuit or very small glass of wine (not all 3!)

I know you don't want to measure food, but I think it might be a good idea to eat and portion as you normally would, write down the measurements and do an honest tally just so you know if it's a calories issue or not.

What is an extra toppping falls from the sky onto the bread.....does it count?

My way is eating sensibly during the week - very sensibly. Like eating lots of fruit, no carbs, no treats. But then Saturday and Sunday eating whatever I feel like eating - chocolate, takeaways, wine. It works for me, but I need to do it this way because I then don’t have to cut out totally on the things I enjoy. I lose weight this way but it’s slow.

OP, honestly MN is NOT the place to come for advice with food, you just need to look at any threads like this that people come in to demonise certain food groups and foods. Some advice will be well meaning but misguided and some will be just dangerous.

I don't cut anything out, and have a low BMI.

However, I eat small portions and never snack. I also walk a lot.

That seems to work.

@aapple not sure this has been asked and answered but do you get enough sleep (I know the answer probably, being a parent, is no). Sleep is a big factor as well.

FWIW I admire your diet and wish I had your abilities.

The only other thing is proper workout exercise. Not sure how old your kids are, but get a bike and start cycling places. To the park, from the park, shopping. Play ball with the kids, run uphill in the park to see who is faster, things like this will help.

Good luck, from someone who knows the struggle :)

I really don't think that's bad for a days intake. I am not a dietician but I grew up in a 'healthy eating' and eat what would considered to be one. But it looks like a reasonable mix of veg & carb and not masses of processed stuff. You are pretty active too. I wonder if you could press your GP for a (rare as hens teeth) appointment with a nutrition nurse? Some GP's have them now. Tell them what you have told us. I wonder if you might be 'allergic' to something or jusy need to cut out certain foods. My DP cut out wheat and felt better / lost weight as a result. I'm not just parroting a 'go gluten free' free thing, coz I don't think it as simple as that. Different for different people, you need to find what the crux of the problem is for you - specifically. Good luck.

As you are still breast feeding, and also probably very tired, is that not a perfect storm for creating ravenousness?

If you can, have meals with protein and a large amount of green leafy vegetable ( at least half a plate) with some olive oil or some butter. If you have rice/carbohydrate just have a very little - best to have no/less starch.For breakfast have eggs, full fat yogurt, some nuts and seeds, berries not super sweet fruits. For a snack some nuts and some fruit like an apple, or houmous and a vegetable, or cottage cheese with vegetable (celery, carrot, green pepper?)

No need to feel hungry with this sort of food. Do not have a mass of fats but don’t cut them out: avocado, nuts, seeds, olive oil, full fat yogurt.

Feeling hungry for toast etc can mean you are not eating enough protein.

Drink water. Have homemade soup.

Ditch the toast and late night things if they are like toast.

Try to avoid bread and starchy goods as these can promote sugar swings and become sugar in the body. This does not mean you are having no carbohydrates as the vegetables and fruits have some carbohydrate

Eat regular meals. Try to get enough sleep.

@SpiceRat

OP, honestly MN is NOT the place to come for advice with food, you just need to look at any threads like this that people come in to demonise certain food groups and foods. Some advice will be well meaning but misguided and some will be just dangerous.

What have you seen on the thread that has been dangerous?

@SpiceRat

OP, honestly MN is NOT the place to come for advice with food, you just need to look at any threads like this that people come in to demonise certain food groups and foods. Some advice will be well meaning but misguided and some will be just dangerous.

This.

As you are still breastfeeding at the moment @aapple, do what works for you for now and ask your GP or nurse for advice.

I haven’t read the full thread so may have been suggested already, but I’m loving Noom. It’s really opening my eyes to calories in foods and my relationship with food. Having spent months trying to low carb/fast and only gaining weight, the scale is currently going in the right direction.

I haven’t rtft but have you got a Fitbit?
Apparently My calories burnt on a normal day is 1200! That’s it!! And in a 1 roast dinner I can polish that off.
I manage to keep it off, but I basically can’t eat anywhere near what I thought I was allowed to!
I’m very small (short and quite slim) so my calories allowance is bloody paltry!
I thought the average of 2000 should be fine for me but it was why I was putting on weight.
I’m a size 6 now because I stick to it. So my fit bit is right!

Ok, I've read most of the responses while feeding the little one (11 months). Thanks for all your thoughts.

I really don't think I'm not realising how much I eat. Literally, I get food delivered from Tesco once a week. There are no cafes, I don't get takeaway, I've not been into a corner shop for months. I'm home, I walk in the countryside, I went to the garden centre one time. Extra snacks used to be my problem, I'm sure it is how I gained weight, but due to lockdown I know I'm not eating anything that wasn't in my weekly Tesco order.

I'm also not sure it is portion size. At least, I know my plate is the right size. I might try filling it with fewer carbs and more veg, while still eating the same meals as my family. Also being really mindful about eating bread and how many calories that could be adding, and changing my evening snack, possibly doing away with it entirely.

I think some of your aren't appreciating the cost of giving up that evening snack though. Usually I would, and I'd maybe be a bit hungry, but get used to it, fall asleep and wake up ready for breakfast. But with a breastfed 11 month old, if missing that snack means I can't get back to sleep after night feeds, that means I don't sleep. And that affects everyone's life. Really, the whole thing falls apart without sleep.

But there's no need for it to be toast. I'll swap it for something like nuts or such.

As for My Fitness Pal. For me, it just leads to a cycle of obsessing about food, binging, putting on
even more weight. And then eventually something upsetting happens in life and I sort of punish myself by going low calorie and really leaning into the hunger pangs. I lose weight, but it's not healthy. And I think not sustainable with little kids. I do get the attraction, and I've learned a lot about what foods have a surprising amount of calories, but I won't be calorie logging now.

OP, what's a 'right size plate'? Not being hostile - just wondering whether one person's 'right size' might be another's 'too big'. Plus it may also be that you're filling this 'right size' plate while someone else would only half fill it. Or something!

How many slices of bread are you having a day op? What is your current weight/height?

If you desperately want to keep your evening toast and jam could you not swap your morning snack from toast to a couple of boiled eggs, a 2 egg omelette with tomatoes, or some bacon and tomatoes? There isn't a huge amount of protein in your diet.

I don't have huge platefuls of food. I eat little and often.
I have carbs but don't go overboard (because I know bread, cake, pastries, potatoes etc are both my love and my downfall).

Doing this means I don't crave snacks. Being a 'Grazer' works for me, I couldn't do 3 meals a day. My weight and BMI is fine.

I'm uninterested in diets or weighing myself, and I'm not exactly a lover of exercise.

I have free weights, a rebounder & an exercise bike at home. I have an anti-exercise bike inner monologue going on at the moment as I hate using it. But, I do use it. It's necessary.

I think we tend to find what works for us in the end so you'll find your way, OP.

@Eckhart I’ve not reread the full thread which is why I said “threads like this” as I have seen stupid and dangerous advice on many many diet related threads, so my point stands.

@aapple

Ok, I've read most of the responses while feeding the little one (11 months). Thanks for all your thoughts.

I really don't think I'm not realising how much I eat. Literally, I get food delivered from Tesco once a week. There are no cafes, I don't get takeaway, I've not been into a corner shop for months. I'm home, I walk in the countryside, I went to the garden centre one time. Extra snacks used to be my problem, I'm sure it is how I gained weight, but due to lockdown I know I'm not eating anything that wasn't in my weekly Tesco order.

I'm also not sure it is portion size. At least, I know my plate is the right size. I might try filling it with fewer carbs and more veg, while still eating the same meals as my family. Also being really mindful about eating bread and how many calories that could be adding, and changing my evening snack, possibly doing away with it entirely.

I think some of your aren't appreciating the cost of giving up that evening snack though. Usually I would, and I'd maybe be a bit hungry, but get used to it, fall asleep and wake up ready for breakfast. But with a breastfed 11 month old, if missing that snack means I can't get back to sleep after night feeds, that means I don't sleep. And that affects everyone's life. Really, the whole thing falls apart without sleep.

But there's no need for it to be toast. I'll swap it for something like nuts or such.

I’m breastfeeding a 14 mth old too. My evening snack is a cup of tea and one (or two) 60 calorie biscuits - usually chocolate bourbones. That makes 200 cals. Difference is that’s my only calorific snack in the day. My afternoon snack is usually 50-100g of tofu. And I weigh food to make sure I stay within 500 cals per meal. I eat approx 1800-2200 cals per day depending on activity but do need to weigh everything.

Cut out the jam and toast and the bread TOTALLY. Never touch it again and you will see a big difference.

Keep trying. I've lost a bit lately and have found a couple of tips that helped me.

Find a snack you like that is about 20-30 calories and have that instead of bread. Oy have bread for meals. Plain or salted popcorn is good but there are plenty of other options.

Go to bed earlier. Sounds daft but you lose weight while you sleep so the more sleep you can get the better. DH swears by this and has lost 6 stone in the last year.

Last one. If you're working hard with exercising and eating less- give yourself a break once a month or so. Get a takeaway, and do no exercise for the day. It keeps you motivated.
Good luck!