Why am I obese?

[aapple]

Obviously, I eat more calories than I burn off. My BMI is 32. But why, what can I change?

I've done the calorie counting thing and reached a healthy weight many times before. It never sticks, and I want to make permanent lifestyle changes this time. I don't care if it takes years to reach a healthy weight, but I'd prefer if it didn't take decades.

I'm not looking to do anything that I wouldn't want the whole family doing. So no cutting out entire food groups, or fasting etc. I don't want to teach my kids those habits.

I live somewhere with little to no 'temptations' from shops and takeaways. I get my shopping delivered, pay for petrol at the pump and rarely go past any other shops. So I'm not sure it is the food environment. My weekly shopping list is all fruit, vegetables, dairy, bread, fish. A little jam, peanut butter and chocolate. Reasonably healthy I think.

I get some exercise, not a lot. I'm a stay at home parent, so rarely actually sit down between 5am and 9pm. I go for walks, at small person pace. I clean and garden. I do mum and baby pilates, and go for short runs at the weekend. I don't know where I would squeeze more exercise in really.

95% of what we eat is cooked from scratch, using whole foods. We don't have desserts often. I never drink alcohol, juice, squash. Just water and tea (no milk or sugar), maybe a coke with a meal out.

I only eat at the table, although days are hectic, so it is not always 3 meals a day. Sometimes there just isn't time for me to eat at mealtime if the kids are having a bad day. I've bought the "right" sized plates etc, to make sure I'm not having huge portions.

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

I do usually have a substantial snack when the kids are in bed. But I'm still breastfeeding my toddler through the night. I can get to sleep the first few times, but without that extra food I find I am too hungry to fall back asleep after the 3am feed.

Sorry, that's a bit long. Just musing really. Any constructive thoughts appreciated.

Carbs aren't the devil. People are so annoying when they tell people to stop eating them.

If you’re looking for a long term solution Loose Weight feel great by Dr Chatterjee is a really interesting read. It’s not a diet plan but explains a lot about how the body works and why diets often don’t work. I notice you also mention the negative impact your Mum’s eating habits had on your own, I can sympathise with this and can also recommend looking up Shazroo Izadi too she’s done some amazing work on un doing negative thought processes around food and settling into eating in a way that is sustainable.

A big focus on real food is good, bulking out meals with lots of fruit and veg, some nuts and seeds. Making sure you get enough protein in iota meals. Making sure you’re drinking lots of water, especially if you’re breastfeeding. Getting as much sleep as you can as lack of sleep impacts on both cravings, appetite and fat storage. I know how hard this is as a Mum of a young baby. I’ve steadily lost weight over the last year following these principles and focusing on upping the nutritional content of my meals and undoing some of my negative thought patterns around food. It’s been slow and steady but I feel my relationship with food is improving as a result of this. Go easy on yourself though and good luck.

When you say you are obese what do you actually weigh?

When calorie counting/logging on mfp what do you have your calories set at? If you once them too low that will be preventing you losing weight.

Do you track your steps? You need ideally aim for 15k a day. This can be jogging on spot for 5min intervals throughout the day as well as what you can get from walking etc

Don’t cut out food groups that’s not the way to go.

Also water, make sure you drink plenty of that daily.

I'm not sure I want my kids to see me avoiding perfectly normal foods like potatoes though. Seems kind of messed up.

They won't notice if you don't make an issue out of it. That really just sounds like an excuse.

But you're setting a bad example by having every meal in a day being carb based. A worse example as it will lead to ill health for them too.

I'm careful the way I word things with my DC for example. But if they ask for toast for breakfast when I know it'll be sandwiches for lunch I just say "no, you've got bread at lunchtime, how about something different"

Or "yes, sure, but then it won't be sandwiches at lunch is that ok."

All of those carbs are why you're obese.

@DwangelaForever

Carbs aren't the devil. People are so annoying when they tell people to stop eating them.

No they're not the devil. But they're not healthy to be had 3 times a day.

And I'm going to assume when the OP listed her 3 meals as bread/pasta/rice they weren't whole grain options.

So basically that's sugar/sugar/sugar

@DwangelaForever

Carbs aren't the devil. People are so annoying when they tell people to stop eating them.

Carbs play a major role in weight gain. Nobody has told OP to stop eating them.

People are so annoying when they just criticise others without having anything useful to say.

@dadshere

If you want to lose weight, than you need to accept that you will be feeling hungry for a substantial part of the day

No, you don't have to accept that at all, because it's not true. The body releases ghrelin, a hormone which triggers the hunger response, at times of day when it expects food to be available. It takes less than a week to change it. So, if you want to stop eating breakfast, you'll have 4 or 5 hungry breakfast times with no food, and then your body will stop releasing ghrelin at that time, and you simply won't fancy breakfast.

Anybody who thinks that losing weight means being hungry all the time hasn't done their research.

"It seems relatively straightforward to me? 🤷‍♀️ you don't drop stones in weight by eating the same as your family who don't need to lose? What am I missing??"

That doesn't make sense to me. For someone to be obese would mean that they eat a lot more than others around them (at least of similar sex and height), not just an extra slice of toast. So usually for obese people to lose weight, they don't have to eat less than other people. They can often eat MORE than other people and still lose weight because they're so large to begin with.

We're not talking about someone wanting to get from a size 10 to a size 8

"they're not healthy to be had 3 times a day."

This is not official advice, is it?

I totally agree with your idea that a mother's attitude to food can be really influential.

Most days I try and eat dinner with the kids, and try to normalise any diet I'm on, so last night was burgers, so I had a vegan burger with salad, and they had beef burgers with buns and chips.

As you're breast feeding, you really shouldn't do any drastic diet, but agree by reducing portion size can be really helpful.

Not RTFT.

Breakfast: cup of green tea

Snack: mushrooms and tomatoes on toast

Lunch: half a leftover jacket potato with butter, tuna and salad.

Dinner: vegetable chilli with rice

Once kids asleep: rooibos tea and toast with jam or (sugar free) peanut butter.

A couple of squares of dark chocolate at some point too.

The emboldened items are high-GI. You are giving your blood sugar spikes.which make you feel hungry
.
You need more fruit and veg. Try the same meals but with lower GI carbs instead.

A milky drink would be better than the late evening toast and jam.

Are you reading the same thread that I am? Loads of posters are telling OP to stop eating them

Carbs don't play a major role in weight gain. Over eating plays a major role in weight gain.

I lost 2.5 stone last year and guess what I aye every single day. CARBS.

I ate pasta, potatoes, rice, egg noodles etc and lost 2.5 stone. So please don't come and patronise me.

@DwangelaForever

Carbs aren't the devil. People are so annoying when they tell people to stop eating them.

People are so annoying when they haven't actually read what others have written but made a pointless comment anyway. No one has advised the OP to cut out carbs - but she is eating an awful lot of them, far more than her body could possibly need so we have advised cutting down. What useful advise have you offered the OP?

"It seems relatively straightforward to me? 🤷‍♀️ you don't drop stones in weight by eating the same as your family who don't need to lose? What am I missing??"

But there's an extra meal a day in there. Hi is granary is approx 240 for 2 slices. Homemade bread is denser and thicker, so 2 slices could easily be 300-400. Add jam or peanut butter and that could be 500 on an evening snack. That's an extra meal a day.

Add that to 3 carb heavy meals during the day, plus not much exercise, and it's easy to see how it's happening.

@aapple

I make my own bread, but yeah, probably should eat less toast. I'm still not sure that cutting out all carbs (bar vegetables) is an example I want to set my kids though.

Home made bread is quite calorie rich - I would use myfitnesspal to work out the calories in a slice - I had to stop making my own as a "slice"of my homemade was double the calories of shop bread. I was also quite heavy with butter and Jam and was heading for 800 cal per 2 slices.

Measuring and counting made me realise I was generally heavy handed with things like butter, cheese, oil. I cook a lot and can literally cut calories massively by measuring properly.

@DwangelaForever

Carbs aren't the devil. People are so annoying when they tell people to stop eating them.

But if you’re fat it’s the easiest things to cut to lose weight. It’s got the least nutrition to calories ratio. No one got fat from eating too many vegetables. Eat them instead, why not?

@DwangelaForever

Are you reading the same thread that I am? Loads of posters are telling OP to stop eating them

Carbs don't play a major role in weight gain. Over eating plays a major role in weight gain.

I lost 2.5 stone last year and guess what I aye every single day. CARBS.

I ate pasta, potatoes, rice, egg noodles etc and lost 2.5 stone. So please don't come and patronise me.

Did you eat carbs 4 times a day, like op?

Plus butter/jam/peanut butter?

Haven't RTFT, so I may be repeating a PP.

I had a routine BP reading that was super-high. The GP's first words were 'have you thought of losing weight?' I didn't think I was fat, but my BMI was over 25. So I had to do something, obviously.

It has taken about 2 years to get rid of 1.5 stone and keep it off. That last part is key. I did the following:

1. Started taking exercise - just walking. I would go for a 15-minute walk at lunchtime and a longer one in the evening with DH. I did little to no other exercise.

1. Started putting less on my plate. That way, DH wasn't disadvantaged. We eat a wide range of foods. I know what contains a lot of calories, so I eat less of it.

1. Peckish? I have a coffee (no sugar, splash of milk). It takes the edge of my hunger.

1. Accepted that it was OK to feel hungry, up to a point (but you are breastfeeding, so this may not apply!). I would remind myself it was only half an hour until lunchtime, for example. See also no 3 (water is healthier of course).

1. Increased the amount of veg in my diet in proportion to meat. Began making my own colourful salads with just the things I like, baring in mind that some things still need to be eaten in moderation.

There's nothing I don't eat or drink, but I watch the quantity and frequency. EG, with chocolate, I buy good stuff, and eat just a couple of squares at a time. Same with other stuff that's high in calories or fat.
For me, it's about discipline, and patience, because this is slow. Like you, I wanted this to be a permanent life-style change.

If you are breastfeeding you must be a lot younger than me, and therefore your metabolism will be more active (lucky you).

Good luck.

Are you drinking enough water, often we feel hungry because we are dehydrated.
Buy smaller plates.
Sit down at a table to eat every meal so you are 'in the moment' when eating.
I've found its amazing how much volumeI can put away without thinking about it if I'm sat in front of the TV.
Drink half a glass of water prior to eating so it slows you down a bit rather than scoffing quickly in hunger
It apparently take 20 mins for the fullness signals to reach the brain
It's bloody difficult given we're all at wits end anyway.
Oh and breakfast did make me more hungry....seems to get the gastric juices flowing stimulating hunger.

There's lots of sensible suggestions of how to tweak your lifestyle sustainably.

Less on exercise. Muscle boosts your metabolism and helps with the calories out side. Not massively but a few hundred a week does help. Moving around at toddler pace is draining but not exercise. There are so many videos and challenges that are a small part of the day, often 15 mins or less that can get the heartrate up or build muscle, and the more fit you are, the easier the rest of the grind feels.

I gain in lockdown because I lose the brisk walk to school, classes and training for runs. After a couple months of neglect, I'm trying to get my butt into gear ready for things starting back up. While I've kept up some running, I'm getting back to some strength work with a simple 30 day challenge list of about 6 bodyweight excercises that take about 5 minutes to do, but use muscles that get overlooked in daily life. A small amount can be a useful boost alongside other changes. It doesn't mean impractical hours at the gym. Just regularly firing up more muscle groups subtly helps the calorie burn.

OP I think you might be shocked at portion size too - I'm on a diet atm and was allowed 40g of cheddar cheese on my pasta - for one thing the pasta was a lot smaller than what I'd serve myself, and 40g of cheese, I laughed when I weighed it out. I'd eat that while waiting for the pasta to boil, plus another bit. I'd definitely put more on my dinner. It's mind blowing when you start to count and weigh and yes it's a PITA but for me it's opened my eyes to what calories I'm really eating IUKWIM. You can still have all those things. A friend once lost a lot of weight by not changing her diet at all - except she cut it all in half - just ate half what she usually would. It did work. Also a thing I try and keep in mind is, protein +fat = ok. carbs + protein = ok. carbs + fat = NO. So that cuts out loads, like bread and butter, ice cream, pizza, etc etc. So you could have sausage egg bacon for breakfast, but without the toast. Or you could have egg on toast, but no butter. It's helped me have what I want, but keep from putting on loadsa weight. OP are you maintaining at the moment, or are you gaining.

Because it gives you gallstones.

Man, threads like this make me want to fire up endless rounds of toast, butter and jam OP, your diet sounds fine. I absolutely agree with your approach about not wanting DC to see you being faddy. No matter how well you explain it, they're still going to see their mum depriving herself of certain things because staying skinny is more important than anything. My DM has food issues and it does affect my attitude towards food and not in a healthy way.

I've no advice, but have you had thyroid levels checked? Sorry if that's already been asked. Breastfeeding definitely may play a part too. Honestly, I'd just maybe make a few small adjustments, especially to the evening snacking (although breastfeeding made me ravenous at night too, mmm cake at 4am!). But give yourself a break, I bet you just need time for your body to settle and adjust. Please don't do any fasting if you're breastfeeding.

And it is unfair that you are this weight, I eat way more than you do and am at the top end of my BMI. As a pp pointed out, different approaches work for different bodies.

Move more, eat less. Usually works.

Do not cut any food groups out. I have spent my life going on fad diets and I’m convinced I’ve messed up my metabolism.

I would say your eating pretty well (apart from the late night snacking . So I would start by recording and taking photos of everything you’ve eaten in 2 weeks. Then spend the next two weeks having similar stuff but just smaller portions (you could add more salad to fill you up). And just see how you get on. I would also do a few things like squats, lifting heavy things etc to build a bit of muscle which burns calories on their own.