Why am I obese?

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Obviously, I eat more calories than I burn off. My BMI is 32. But why, what can I change?

I've done the calorie counting thing and reached a healthy weight many times before. It never sticks, and I want to make permanent lifestyle changes this time. I don't care if it takes years to reach a healthy weight, but I'd prefer if it didn't take decades.

I'm not looking to do anything that I wouldn't want the whole family doing. So no cutting out entire food groups, or fasting etc. I don't want to teach my kids those habits.

I live somewhere with little to no 'temptations' from shops and takeaways. I get my shopping delivered, pay for petrol at the pump and rarely go past any other shops. So I'm not sure it is the food environment. My weekly shopping list is all fruit, vegetables, dairy, bread, fish. A little jam, peanut butter and chocolate. Reasonably healthy I think.

I get some exercise, not a lot. I'm a stay at home parent, so rarely actually sit down between 5am and 9pm. I go for walks, at small person pace. I clean and garden. I do mum and baby pilates, and go for short runs at the weekend. I don't know where I would squeeze more exercise in really.

95% of what we eat is cooked from scratch, using whole foods. We don't have desserts often. I never drink alcohol, juice, squash. Just water and tea (no milk or sugar), maybe a coke with a meal out.

I only eat at the table, although days are hectic, so it is not always 3 meals a day. Sometimes there just isn't time for me to eat at mealtime if the kids are having a bad day. I've bought the "right" sized plates etc, to make sure I'm not having huge portions.

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

I do usually have a substantial snack when the kids are in bed. But I'm still breastfeeding my toddler through the night. I can get to sleep the first few times, but without that extra food I find I am too hungry to fall back asleep after the 3am feed.

Sorry, that's a bit long. Just musing really. Any constructive thoughts appreciated.

Ah OP, it's probably your toast and jam lovely. I occasionally make my own bread, it's not even cold before it's gone and it's me as much as dh and the dcs, it's like crack (now debating dusting the breadmaker off).

I'm a fatty, bmi probably around 34 atm, put a stone on since December. My problem is alcohol and bread, if I cut those right down I lose weight regardless of what else I eat. I don't have to give them up completely but I found years ago when I did slimming world the weeks I had bread (wholemeal and 'allowed') I didn't lose but if I swapped it to cereal I did.

Why not try a week or two only having the jam and toast as a treat once a week? See what happens to your weight. Its also very difficult to lose while still bfing, I dropped half a stone in 2 weeks when I stopped despite being ravenous and overdoing the wine because I could.

Everyone is different, for me to lose weight I have to cut out bread 5 days a week and make it a treat rather than a staple. Being organised is vital, when dieting which I will be from Monday I make big bowls of salad for lunch or a big batch of veg soup. Skip breakfast and if hungry snack on fruit or things like fish sticks or eggy muffins. Crustless quiche made with low fat cottage cheese instead of cream was another thing I had, or mini egg muffins. All things that are positive things for your dcs to see you eat.

I don't do slimming world anymore for a few reasons but some of the tips are worth remembering. Cook from scratch, lean protein, low sugar. I use whatever oil a recipe needs but avoid added fatty stuff like processed ready meals, sausage rolls and stuff like that. Crisps are lethal as well I found, if I need a savoury treat with crunch I have dry roasted nuts, not healthy but I tell.myself the protein and fats are at least of some benefit.

Also don't underestimate the benefits of exercise. I've been mostly sedentary during this lockdown, no school run, weather been vile, doing a degree so studying and I've really noticed the impact on my health and fitness.

Toast and Jam is just a no no. It would be ok in place of one of the 3 meals. If you start calorie counting and trying to keep in a deficit, you realise just how much you eat. I can’t even have 3 melas because I prefer a pudding and snacks so I’ll fast until lunchtime have a small ish lunch then a bigger dinner and some snacks after. If I had everything you have listed I wouldn’t be in deficit and wouldn’t lose. Maybe maintain for a while but I would guess over the years you have slowly gained which has resulted in you becoming obese.

It really is quite depressing when you do the numbers how easy it is to gain weight 😩

You don’t need chocolate, jam, butter or peanut butter in your diet.

It’s not fun to eat foods that will give you a lifestyle mediated illness, a period of illness then death.

And if you generally eat healthy, home cooked food, start weighing your portions. A 40g portion of wholefood muesli barely coats the base of the bowl. A bowlful of muesli is more like 120g. Same with thick slices of home baked bread with butter, or pasta portions. Just weight a 'normal' (not diet) portion and you'll be shocked at how much you have to downscale.

The saying “if only everything in life was as easy as gaining weight” is sadly true!

I was blessed in that I could eat what I wanted and stay size 10 but that wore off mid 30s so have to accept treat good weekend only not daily or it gradually piles on...

This revolutionised my thinking around food… amazon.co.uk/Diet-Myth-Real-Science-Behind/dp/1780229003/]]

Food not good

I think some of your aren't appreciating the cost of giving up that evening snack though

I'm thinking you may not be appreciating the cost of sticking to it. Have the snack, still. But have it carb free. Have a low carb breakfast. Give your body the opportunity to deplete its sugar reserves through the night. You won't feel a thing. Your body will be learning how to access your body fat in the night. Try it for a week, and see how you feel about it after that. It's very very likely that you'll start to be less interested in breakfast, that you'll have steady energy levels, and you'll stop having food cravings until a couple of hours after you next eat carbs. It's very easy to see it in action, and once that happens, you'll be well on your way to significant weight loss. The science is all there. The only reason this isn't being publicised is that there's nothing to sell.

From reading this thread I realise that there are some easy tweaks I can make that may help (thanks)

So, if I make my last snack before 10pm, then cardio exercise first thing in the morning before breakfast I'll lose more fat, right?

If I sleep better I'll lose more weight? My sleep has been disturbed for a long time.

(I've cut out carbs a month ago apart from a tiny portion of cereal and one tiny portion of potato/rice plus a fist size bowl of blueberries once a day- but my weight is stuck!) Before this I was eating 4 bars of dark chocolate a week and even though I gave that up, my weight remains the same!

What is weird is I used to get shaky hungry before lunch after having a carb toast breakfast. If I eat nothing at all I am absolutely fine by lunch mildly peckish but not shaky desperate starving like I used to be. It was a carb crash. Can’t believe I only worked this out at 45!

Its defo the bread. Why dont you trial no bread for just 1 week as a test to see if it makes a difference? Then you could go on to having it it 1-2 a week so you dont feel so restricted and can enjoy it more! Also can look for bread/butter and jam with less sugar.

Sleep. You have an infant so can understand being tired and maybe mixing up tiredness for hunger. Enough sleep is important for health in many ways.

2nd the water trick to see if thirsty or hungry.

Get your bloods checked there could be a deficency causing weight gain eg iron/thyroid probs. Do you take vitamins?

Please don't worry about your children seeing you eat less food if thats how you want to go about this, I'm sure they will be happy seeing their mother happy and more content if you were to eat healthy and then consequently be feeling better!

I think your last snack should be no later than 7 pm. Preferably cut out snacks altogether and stick to meals only. Eating late at night really puts on weight if you are prone to putting on weight. And cut down on bread.

I've read about half the thread but got annoyed with all the misconceptions and nonsense being posted, particularly about the role of insulin and carbs.

I've lost 66lbs over the last 16 months and my BMI has gone from 37 to 26. Still working on getting it lower.

Like you, OP, I haven't wanted to cut out any food groups. The best advice I've ever seen for losing weight is this 'eat proper food, not too much, mostly plants' and that what I do. I cba to weigh everything but I weigh some things.

Here's some of the things I've learned.
Portion size is important. I was eating the same amount as my 6'1", very active husband. I'm 5'5" and nowhere near as active as him. I now eat about one third to half of what he does. My digestive system is a lot happier as a result.
Exercise doesn't burn as much energy as you may think. I recently did a 6 mile, hilly bike ride. My smartwatch tells me it used 240 calories. Most of our energy is spent in keeping us warm and our metabolic processes. Don't stress about not exercising much.
Eat what you want but make things like cake, alcohol, takeaways very occasional treats.
Reduce carbs and fat but don't cut them out.
I use laughing cow extra light as a substitute for butter.
Always weigh things like pasta, potatoes., muesli etc. It's easy to have too much
Set small targets and give yourself a non food treat when you get there.
Its OK to feel hungry at times

Here's what I typically eat:
Breakfast: 1 slice of toast with ginger preserve
Lunch: something protein like tuna, corned beef, chicken with salad, no dressing and 3 or 4 pieces of fruit.
Dinner: Protein, small amount of something carby, loads of salad, last night was 1 kipper fillet, 150g boiled new potatoes with a bit of salt on them, salad of lettuce, cucumber, carrot, red pepper.
Snack about 9pm: 15g muesli, 4 prunes 4 mini pretzels. This is to stop me waking up hungry at about 4 a m.

I think you are probably having too big portions too often. Start by reducing them and let us know how you get on.

Don't stress about not exercising much

From a weight loss point of view, I agree. Exercise does not lead to weight loss by itself. Even most people who train for a marathon do not lose weight.

However, exercise is very important in reducing the risk of high blood pressure and type 2 DM, so is essential for someone with a BM of 32, which is a risk factor for both. There is also some evidence that you lose more weight through calorie control if you also exercise.

@MsTSwift

What is weird is I used to get shaky hungry before lunch after having a carb toast breakfast. If I eat nothing at all I am absolutely fine by lunch mildly peckish but not shaky desperate starving like I used to be. It was a carb crash. Can’t believe I only worked this out at 45!

That is so true. It's not actual hunger, it's carb crash. I still notice it every single time. If I eat toast for breakfast I am snacking (on more carbs) by mid morning and ravenous by lunchtime, when I eat 600-700cals. If I have avocado and yoghurt or scrambled eggs, I feel fine and my appetite at lunchtime is manageable.

The night wakings really won't be helping, and it's very hard to make changes when you're exhausted. My kids are similar ages and I fully understand the chaos!

My baby recently started sleeping through, and honestly it was like a switch flicked in me that I didn't need all the sugar any more. If you're not planning on night weaning any time soon, I'd try make that final snack something less carby as a first step. Then do the same with breakfast.

I can't do wholesale changes, I never stick to them so I change one small thing ever few weeks. I don't always stick to them, but others work - I don't snack between breakfast and lunch any more, for example.

I think there is confusion around how exercise supports weight loss. It’s not just about running off the extra calories. If you can increase the amount of muscle mass within your body, you will burn more calories each day. Men have a higher muscle mass than women hence they have a higher metabolic rate. The best exercise programs have a combination of cardio and strength training. It’s also worth throwing in stability and core training as these exercises help avoid day to day injuries from trips and falls.

Exercise makes us feel good about ourselves which means we are less likely to comfort eat.

Best of luck. Society and the media have a million ways to try and put you off a healthy journey so keep focused.

I'd also suggest there's too much refined carbs, & too little protein, vegetables, fibre & healthy fats. I've changed my diet over the last couple of months after several years of struggling to lose weight, & I've lost a stone since Christmas (& I'm not even sure if I might have put a bit more on between Christmas & new year - I ate an entire tin of M&S shortbread in a week so I probably did). I've not been calorie counting, I'm getting through about 250ml double cream most weeks, I eat full fat everything. I have 1 day a week when I eat "normal" style food, i.e. 2 or 3 meals with carbs, bread or rice, maybe pasta. The rest of the time it's significantly reduced carbs - lots of vegetables, a few beans or a bit of sweet potato, lots of meat (including crackling on pork). I eat fruit every day. I eat one big meal every day including a dessert with fruit but no sugar or artificial sweeteners. It was a bit hard at first but it's easy now & it's working, the weight is continuing to come off, I'm not tired or grumpy, I don't have to count calories or macros or carbs. If I feel really crappy one day I have a day off (i.e. a little bit carby) or just eat 2 smaller meals, still low carb. On my carby days, I usually put about a pound back on, but the following day it comes back off plus a tiny bit more.

I do some exercise but TBH not a tremendous amount as I'm disabled due to a chronic pain condition. If I could exercise regularly I'd be losing a lot more. I manage some walking & the very occasional short HIIT session (maybe one or two a month). OTOH I'm frequently bedbound for days at a time, at least 8 days in an average month.

It's taking willpower but it's working. And it's less of a relentless slog than all the other diets I've tried.

Sounds like you have a slow metabolism. I have Hashimotos and I barely burn any calories so it's virtually impossible for me to lose weight despite exercising and a healthy diet. I'm on thyroid meds which help with other symptoms but not the weight

I would also suggest setting up an appointment with your doctor for a full blood check. There are medical reasons behind certain diets, and when you are obese it's important to manage your blood sugar levels in case of type 2 diabetes.

I have PCOS which means I'm insulin resistant so my body needs a low carb diet. It has only taken me 8 years to accept! Luckily no sign of developing type 2 diabetes.

I also agree with exercise and weight loss - you can't out run a bad diet. I exercise a lot as I find the endorphins help with managing my binging and emotional eating. Plus I love the feeling of being fit and strong.

You’re eating too many carbs and too big portions I’d say. Swap white for brown and weigh everything. Especially homemade stuff. Record in MyFitnessPal but since you have such young children I would cut back to a level where you lose 3 or 4 lbs per month then stick with it. I’ve lost 2 stone and do have carbs everyday but not as many as I did.

My diet was similar to yours: too many white carbs but not obviously unhealthy.

Yes, if you sleep better you will lose more weight. Sleep deprivation leads to your body producing cortisol to keep going and this is like sugar in the body and also causes cravings and hunger.

I mug or two of boiled water is very soporific at night and could replace your snack. At the least you could replace the night snack with pre-prepared vegetable soup with no bread. If desperate though butter free ryvitta would be ok.

If possible try to eat a meal when the children do, at set times. That is good modelling. (Of course this must be very difficult right now.)

@Fluffycloudland77

You don’t need chocolate, jam, butter or peanut butter in your diet.

It’s not fun to eat foods that will give you a lifestyle mediated illness, a period of illness then death.

lol, you're not wrong about binning those foods, but bloody hell Fluffycloudland - your post does NOT live up to your user name.

Only on MN could someone suggest that a cup of warm water is a good replacement for a slice of toast with jam.